Bad Joke Thread

[TheEndIsNearUs]

Puns, pick-up lines, anti-jokes, whatever. List them here.

NOTE: Nothing sexist, racist, ableist, etc.; while it might not seem offensive to you, or even to me, it could be to someone else, so be considerate and keep it in taste.

I'll start with a few of my personal favourites.

-

What do you do with dead chemists?

You barium!

-

Two men walk into a bar. The third one ducks.

-

How did the scarecrow win a Nobel Prize?

He was out standing in his field.

[aperson1]

You should go to bargaining school; it teaches you good values.

[Caesium Iodide]

Knock knock.


Who's there?


Dorris.


Dorris who?


Dorris locked, let me in!

[Cheza]

- Did you hear about the guy who took the highway to town?
- No?
- The police asked him to return it.


--------------------


- Did you hear about the guy walking on the roof?
- No?
- Me neither, he walked so quietly..


-------------------


*Avoids a few tomatoes and flower pots before getting pulled off the stage*

[TheEndIsNearUs]

These are great so far!

-

Your mother is so classless, she could be a Marxist utopia.

-

Schrodinger's cat walks into a bar, and doesn't.

[Peanut B. Rawket]

Whats the internet's favorite animal?

Spoiler for Hidden:

The lynx

[Caesium Iodide]

You're mother is so fat, she fell in love and broke it.

[aperson1]

Did you hear about the party on the moon? It had no atmosphere.

Did you hear about the party on a neutron star? It was packed!

Did you hear about the party in a black hole? Me neither.

[TheEndIsNearUs]

The bartender says, "sorry, we don't serve particles faster than the speed of light."

A neutrino walks into a bar.

[the neutrinos being faster than light has been disproved, but still funny]

[Cheza]

- What is it that's toxic green, has got 10 legs, pincers, fangs, crab claws, horns, three tails, and 15 eyes?
- I dunno
- Me neither... Maybe you should get it off your neck?

[Caesium Iodide]

A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

[TheEndIsNearUs]

What does a dyslexic, atheistic insomniac do?


Lie awake at night and wonder if there really is a dog.

[aperson1]

Always remember I after E except after C!

except when there's a feisty heist on weird beige foreign neighbors, because either caffeine strung aetheists are reinventing protein at their leisure, or plebeians will deign to forfeit their scientists.

[NautilusWolf]

What's brown and sticky?



A stick!

[Cheza]

- What's dangerous and sitting in a tree?
- Dunno?
- A crow with a machine gun! :'D