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Offline Niala Ornitier

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poetic fright!
« on: February 27, 2010, 01:03:32 AM »
here is a wonderfully horrid poem i wrote for my sis on halloween XD

Happy Halloween

Footsteps grow louder
Thunder roars through the clouds
Lights Flicker
a knock on the door
a creak in the floor
no one has moved an inch
scratch at the window
bump on the roof
It's raining, it's pounding
groans from the bathroom
screams from the kitchen
no one has moved an inch
first there were 7 now there are 4
all huddled up in a ball
blood seeps through the cracks in the roof
splinters of wood arise from the floor
hands breaking out of the boards
all you can see is the blood on their face
as they creep up and say "trick or treat"
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Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #1 on: February 27, 2010, 01:42:40 AM »
I like it, it's fun, it's light, almost Michael Rosen-esque
there's the occasional simplistic rhyme, but mostly they're fun and firm.

Nice one.
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"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline Niala Ornitier

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #2 on: February 27, 2010, 01:57:59 AM »
lol it WAS written for a 10 year old :3 who craved a scare...told me she had a nightmare i was all XD
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Never look at your life as something insignificant. Never forget those friends of yours that you loved. - Natsu Dragneel

Offline Moongaze

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #3 on: March 12, 2010, 10:33:21 PM »
Excellent.  Definitely a great spooky poem.  The only complain you'll get from me is...

Lack of punctuation.  I know it sounds a bit strange; nevertheless, in poetry you need to know when to separate thoughts and indicate pauses.  Use of commas, periods, and spaces between a few lines will be just fine.  Other than that...  It's excellent.
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Offline Niala Ornitier

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #4 on: March 12, 2010, 10:36:46 PM »
lol yes i agree, when i wrote it i wasn't thinking about that. But yes i agree :3
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Offline Nyyrikkia Anikeria

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #5 on: March 20, 2010, 04:44:31 PM »
*cracks up laughing* I'm sorry but I can just imagine your sisters reaction XD
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Offline Niala Ornitier

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #6 on: March 22, 2010, 05:57:36 AM »
:D i saw it IT WAS FRIKKEN PRICELESS!!!! B)
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Never look at your life as something insignificant. Never forget those friends of yours that you loved. - Natsu Dragneel

Offline Nyyrikkia Anikeria

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Re: poetic fright!
« Reply #7 on: March 22, 2010, 09:57:34 AM »
You should have videotaped it! XD
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