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Author Topic: Darkened Embrace (The Forgotten)  (Read 1223 times)

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Offline Moongaze

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Darkened Embrace (The Forgotten)
« on: March 12, 2010, 11:47:17 PM »
Oh blackest raven take flight out of here,
Tear the sky from lips.
A pale mist falls under the trees.
At the writhing haunt, I am beside myself
In bleakest wood a ghastly breeze came forth unto me...

...And whispered your name.

Oh spiritress of this darkening hour,
Envision me from the void from whence you came
I call unto thee, "drain my soul from my eyes."
The trees let out a silent lamentation...

...They whispered my name.

Is this the peak of reality?
Blackest raven!  Tear my heart from my chest!
For I have lost all will to live...

Wandering through this forest, a startling sight.
She sat by the lonesome river crying, "take me away..."

Spiritress of the darkened woods, speak,
"Take my hand, I shall cast us to the water."

Under autumn skies she cried,"take my hand...  Cast us into the depths..."
Spiritress...  Grant me final death!


^^^

One of my more darker works.  I might add music to that...  It would make a superb doom metal song...
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Re: Darkened Embrace (The Forgotten)
« Reply #1 on: March 13, 2010, 01:14:27 PM »
I'm not a fan of using ye olde languagey or overtlly dramatic death poems but you do use some great ideas and also cuts in rhythm and movement where elsewhere it flows. The spiritress is a fantastic name and evokes brilliant and ghostly images. I like the pulling sensation to it, pulling into the depths.
There's certainly some depth to it, and motion and emotion.

I'm not a fan of such things but I can see why it's good.
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"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline Moongaze

  • The original fox hat
  • Eager Elephant
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  • Posts: 391
  • Gender: Male
    • My soundclick page
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  • Species: Red Fox
  • Coloring: Red/brown fur
  • Height: 5' 8" in anthro form. 3' 5" in feral form.
  • Weight: 130 lbs in anthro, 20 lbs in feral
  • Build: Sleak, athletic build
Re: Darkened Embrace (The Forgotten)
« Reply #2 on: March 13, 2010, 03:19:09 PM »
Emotion, depth, poetic/lyrical nature and rhythm is a must when I think about writing.  Symbolism, personification, and conflict are my most used literary elements.  I want the reader to feel what I'm writing.

Symbols would be the raven, ie. A harbinger of death OR the dread and dismal feelings leaving the narrator.

Of course...  The Spiritress: A ghastly image that comes to the narrator in the "darkening hour."

Language...  I like using "highbrow" language in my writing, but not to a point where it's unoriginal and lacking in such a way that the reader gets lost.  As far as ye olde English goes...  I love it.  I'm a fan of most of Shakespeare's works, I'm  a huge fan of Edgar Allen Poe...  Other poets to name a few: Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, pretty much all the writers and poets of the mid to late 1800's transcendentalist movement.  Their works were something of genius.
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