Bringing You To Belief

[WolfCubLorent]

-Love-
03/30/10 ‘Bringing You to Belief’ By: Lorent K.Cub
I was waiting for a sign to bring me through this barrier that holds me to my past.
You, you must figure out that I will forever be here to keep you from those nightmares.
Scream the words that no one else will listen to, just to make you feel alright again.
I want to make sure that this spinning situation doesn’t take you to that other world where nothing is real and all is hell.

I’m now crashing into all that I had created with those tears that shed drama from the start.
I’m bringing you to that paradise that starts life anew and surfaces all the emotions that sought out light, but were being used.

I know all about that time that you cried, the time when he came in and pushed you to the ground…you tried to scream, but never made a sound…
I hear of this, I walk around setting this world that I hate so much un-fire, with my rage I consume all the lairs and conspirers.  I feel the anger searching my mind forcing out danger through these hands that will push them to the ground as the pain controls me through blood woven threads.

This urgent matter breaks through the concerns of all those people that want us to tear apart and break away from each other as the moon breaks away from the twilight every marrow.
Yes, you know that this is true that’s why we need to leave this place and run and escape from the broken mirrors that were shattered from our grief and torture. 

Nice to know that one day I’ll be able to hold onto you and kiss all that was not foreseen to be part of what I’d plead to be my destiny. Well I’m so much closer to you now that I can wake up to your smile and have this feeling that this will never end. So I must cover my own smile so you can’t see that you win again, yes I will defend my lips teasingly. Yes, with you giving love I’ll moan pleasurably.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

It's a good idea, but it's lost in the mistakes.

Too many conjunctives. Way too many conjunctives. It makes the sentences too long and winding and generally makes it hard to read, smothering the meaning.

There are spelling mistakes.
although this one example might be intentional... and if so then I just dont understand it.

I walk around setting this world that I hate so much un-fire

It makes no sense.

Also, have some vocabulary consistensy. You have words like "Morrow" "Nightmares" "Spinning" and "Scream"... and then some rather mundane words stick out, like "alright." It really dulls things and breaks the tone.

Sorry for being a bit harsh but issues got in the way a bit too much.

[WolfCubLorent]

okay thanks, um I'll right an altered draft and repost it titled "Bringing You To Belief"-Altered Draft in the next few days and tell me what you think of it kk =)