Author Topic: Silverhand League  (Read 1170 times)

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Offline Korisu

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Silverhand League
« on: August 09, 2010, 05:35:13 PM »
 :) Haha well I don't know if anyone has seen me posting like a noob lately but hey, I'm Korisu. I am 14 and I pretty much just decided to write a random story because I thought it was a good idea and I just felt like putting things out there to being more involved in the community. This story is not really started off from the beginning, it has to do with Bill who has known people who are actually animals. He has known them for a long time and has kept their secret well, and after many years of knowing them they would like him to join them. Simple as that it goes with him thinking about it and the decision he has to make to either be the same as it was before or join them and have a whole new life. Tada? Lol enjoy (Silverhand is a white/silver wolf who is the leader of the group of people who are animals, gives guidance, wise and is tough.) I will NOT be posting this all together, I am not a writer, I simply got the idea out there one day I will make it even bigger but now I am just adding small things.


Day 1:
Why did I get myself into this? I simply thought that being friends with them was going to be great but not they want me to join them? The idea seems great but I am still not sure how this will affect everything else. Silverhand looks at me like I am more special than others, why? I love the idea of being a wolf, my favorite animal, but being a real one? I don't know yet, but I still have my head to decide. There is this one girl in the group, who I do want to be with, Victoria. She is a bunny, I was never fond of them until I met her, I think she likes me also, but who am I to judge what goes on a girl's head huh? In my perspective I think she wants me to join them, have someone she likes be her kind. Maybe joining isn't bad after all? Everyone seems to be nice and very acceptive which is a huge step in this tough decision but I need more opinions... I need to ask someone I trust to help me, I have too... (Bill closes his journal and puts it under his mattress)

Well I am no journalist but I think it was pretty decent, it was my first time, constructive criticism is welcome but not to harsh. I thought it would be REALLY cool for me to leave Day 1 like this because I had the idea that the person he has to ask, is you guys! I will make the story based on the decisions the forums make, all you have to do is say yes or no to his decision on joining them or not and I will try to make the story go off from there! Hope you enjoyed the story and if it's not the best oh well! Thanks  :)
-Korisu



 

Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: Silverhand League
« Reply #1 on: August 17, 2010, 02:30:11 PM »
Okay, since this is just a messabout thing that you're doing. Nothing serious, I will say this... you should do descriptions, and also start from the beginning. Dropping an audience into the middle is no good because then you get that whole explanation thing you have to do. I mean pretty much your entire post was a explanations of like a million different things.

As for whether or not he should become an animal?... he might as well.
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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