Author Topic: The Awakening (Just a title for now) Chapter three soon!  (Read 1277 times)

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Offline Beanz

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The Awakening (Just a title for now) Chapter three soon!
« on: December 12, 2007, 12:11:23 AM »
Chapter One
                                                                 The Beginning to a new life.



                The man woke up on the sidewalk wondering where he was. He got up. People walked by him like nothing happened. "What happened" the man asked himself. People were flat out ignoring him. He started to walk away. He walked down the street with suspicion, also looking at street signs. Maplewood, Corvette, Apple, all these names rang a bell
but he couldnt remember. "Hello." the man asked a woman. "Do you know where we are?" She didn't respond. What could this mean? Could this be like Downtown Toronto where people ignore everything you say to them? Looking at you like a homeless person. He asked another man "Excuse me, where might we be?" he ignored the man. The man thought to himself, "darn Brett what have you gotten yourself into?" He walked around some more untill he bumped into a woman. "Oh sorry madame," he told the woman." She also ignored him. "What is this? Ugh! I need to talk to someone who will listen to me!" Brett searched around for a police station and soon found one. He walked into the station. "Where am I? What is this?" He asked the cop. No one replied. "Wanna get some food Bill? " One officer said to the other. "Sure Carl" Said the other officer. They left the building. Brett soon after followed them. "Seriously! Where am I?" Brett Yelled out. "Your on Earth" said a woman from a crowd. "Wow" Brett said. "Someone is listening" "Of course. Im your Guardian Angel." The Woman told him. "What?" Brett asked in suprisment "My name is Patrica" She told him. "Am I dead or something?" Brett Asked. "Well kind of but not. You technically died but you have to pass judgement." Pat told him. "Ok so do I have to do a good deed or something?" He asked. "Follow me" She demanded. The walked farther into the city. "Seriously where am I, like America, Canada?" He asked "Your in Queens." She told him. "Queens New York?" He asked in a scared way. "Yes now be quiet" She demanded again. The walked into an alleyway and she told him. "You have to help your loved one find someone new. " She told him. "But no one can hear me but you!" He told her. "I know this but if you reach inside your self you may be able to speak to her. You have to help her! Go find her now." she told him and pushed him off.








                                                                                     Chapter Two

                                                                               The Search For Her


                After He talked to Patrica he was thinking "Why would she be in Queens?" He walked around thinking why she would be in New York. "Why would she come all the way from Scarborough?" He said to himself. He walked to the train station. He went down stairs and hoped the entrance wheel. He got on the train and went to the next stop. He went looking and suddenly he saw a woman, he ran up to her in excitement. He said to himself, "Thats Her! Thats Julie!" He ran up to the woman and went in front of her, it was her. Brett was so happy to see her again. After that car crash he never saw her again. He followed her until they got to a train station. A flood of people came out. He tried to keep his eyes on her but he eventually lost her. "Dammit Brett, what are you gonna do now?" he asked himself.


                He just continued walking untill he got to a store. "God, I'm hungry!" he told himself. All of a sudden He thought He should get some food at that store. He went into the store. He creeped in with out anyone seeing the door move. He grabbed a couple of bags of chips and a chocolate bar. Although he was dead he was not at the same time. He still had to breath and eat and sleep. He found and alleyway and ate the chips. He saved the chocolate bar for later. He layed down and slept for the rest of the night, hoping he could find Julie tomorrow.

             He woke up with a site of the sun in his eyes. He decided  to go look around this neighborhood which was around where he lost site of Julie. He went to the train station he lost Julie. He hoped the wheel went down to a man who was singing a song. " Theres a train leaving town in an hour, It's not waiting for you, and neither am I," The man was singing. Brett walked up to the man and looked at him akwardly. "What are you looking at?" The man questioned Brett. "Whoa!", Brett responded. "What you can see me?" "Of course your on the earth again to be judged?" The man asked Brett. "Yeah, but there are other people like us out there? We can speak together?" He asked. "Of course your not the only dead person out there. You used to hear about ghosts? Thats us." The man explained to Brett. "So it might be the most impossible thing to be judged?" He asked the man. "Of course not sonny boy!" The man told him. "Ok see ya later i guess!" Brett said waving back to the man.  "Cool Ima have to find her now" , Brett told himself.

Offline Dr. Strange

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Re: The Awakening (Just a title for now) Chapter three soon!
« Reply #1 on: December 12, 2007, 02:06:27 PM »
very good. a little repettitive so a few pointers if you will:
   1. clean it up a little, less repetition is better.
   2. punctuation, capitalization, spelling and grammer is also a good thing.
but its very good for beginning.
I go by many names; Mistress of the Abandoned; King of the Shattered; Duchess of the Damned; Nightcatcher; and Dreamwatcher.
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