Well, I've had the idea for this story going around a long time and I intended to make it a late Xmas gift to my readers...except now it's a late late Xmas present omg
Anyway, this story is a load of insane nonsense. Despite actually happening, it has no plot signifigance or character development. I advise you to read my other works to fully enjoy this. Thank you.
The Incredibly Epic Tale That Time Forgot, Episode One: We couldn't think of a better title...
Space. An endless void filled with dark secrets, the bitter scent of pain and numerous plotholes. A darkness that engulfes the universe, the fear in our hearts...it is infinite and ever-expanding. Asteroids, comets, planets and the stars: all together in a harmonic celestial movement as a giant toaster streaks towards a familiar blue planet called...Wait. Giant toaster? This wasn't in the script! Pfft, I'm outta here, get yourselves a new narrator.
Flames awoke to the sound of birds chirping and saw all his friends from the past make their way over to him. Instantly he lept up, drawing his weapon. "Alright Gods, what sad trick is it this time as things are clearly too good to be true?" The fiery anthro demanded, not expecting a response. To his suprise a disembodied voice replied in a booming voice: "Quite right, HoKaze no Flames. You're dreaming. I advise you wake up before your toaster spacepod crashes and you die...yet again for the 7045th time..."
"Wait, who are-" Flames started to say before he heard a crash and everything went black...
Meanwhile, on the planet's surface, a battle to decide who lives and who dies is taking place, both nameless, minor characters staring intensely at one another with such tension that the entire planet could have been holding it's breath.
"It's time to settle this problem once and for all..." One of them stated. "The only question is how?"
At this the other snorted and replied with a wagging finger: "Simple. We shall duel to the death...by playing a harmless and pathetic children's card game!"
And so the pair of totally worthless characters with absolutely no plot significance fought on, wasting valuable plot development and angst time to trick the reader into thinking the world actually has individual characters, when the truth is only the main characters and a bunch of faceless clones (known as minor characters) exist. In any matter, the two played their children's card game, using the most epic and powerful creatures in the game, like "Xan 2.7 Vista the Warlord", "Krai the flying tank of disembowelment", "The lame Card of wimpy weakness" and of course, "Ultra-Mega Pet Rock".
It just so happened that the toaster/space pod/plot device was headed right towards them, clearly visible in the trippy multicoloured sky.
"Wait...did you summon the 'Crashing Toaster' trap card?"
"No, why do you a-"
And with a mighty crash that shook the planet to its core, the toaster containing Everyone's Favourite Heroâ„¢ finally impacting, the cloud of dust caused by it blotting out the sky, the earthquake triggered by it killing tens of thousands, the shiny metal surface blinding countless innocents and the perfectly cooked toast that flew out were as silent and deadly as ninja assasins, the two slices seeking out and eliminating the world's leaders one by one.
And in the midst of all this chaos (because naturally all intelligent life depends on tedious children's card games being finished) Flames awoke once more...
