A number of people have menioned my... eccentricites. Namely my seeming obsession with death and violence, or my complete disregard for a great many social activities. And you know, I generally dislike it. Now I will admite I can, at times, be rude, arrogant, callous, etc. I dont mean to be... Its just that a while back, I took a look at the people around me, and... Everythig just seemed so finite, so meaningless. But it made people happy. Not me. I started expressing myself... Differently. I admittedly see life and death, or rather the line between the two, as sort of a challenge. I lost my religious views, and stopped writing, I stopped everything. Started drinking, knew some unsavory types, all very stereotypical whatnot, just that I was a bit younger than eveybody else. Then I started studying war and philosophy. I realised there were great men in this world. So I pleged to become one of them. Started studying engineering, weapons technology (boh personal armament and weapons of mass destruction). Then of course I picked up some Objectivist literature, and became dedicated to he ideals of a mercenary. So here I am now. Training, and doing my best to not completely lose touch with society. For this, I have become a pariah, and I resent that. But some people say my goals are cold, that I should change course... I can not help it, thy have planted a seed of doubt within me... So here I am. Searching for advice from people I trust. And anyone else who has something to add.
