Alone?…

[Self-sain]

So nothing special honestly, not a lot of friends, no one but me and my mate truly. Lately this hasn't been bothering me, but it creeps up…

So I did a play recently, kind of made friends with the other cast members (I forced my self to be social, which wasn't as bad after a couple teeth) and it was all good. But I remember the second day of the play (as in when we put it on) I stood their in the middle of the stage, gazing out at everyone. All the cast members talking, laughing, with their friends, and their I stood. Alone, out of view, out casted. I don't know why it hurt me so much but it did. I just felt like breaking down, that night me and my mate went to my house, I just felt trapped in a void of aloness, I want to indulge in it, for I felt that as I could have.

Tomorrow we have an actors banquet/get together but..., I'm "scared" (not sure that's the right word, but its the only one I have). It will be only the actors (stage people possibly), but it will be some from the first semester play, I don't want to go. I feel as if I'm going to out casted, left out in. The rain. It hurts so much at times I want to cry, I use to hurt my self to numb it but I don't find "joy" from that anymore.


((Note: I only feel this way randomly at times, I been more "out going" lately so things are some what getting better, but I still hurt. Without my mate, I don't know where I would be))

[WingedZephyr]

Well, you know... You could go to the banquet, and try to socialize, see what happens, and maybe have a good time, or maybe not. Or you could stay home, and have no chance at all of socializing. It doesn't hurt to give it a try.

I've been there. It sucks. You're never going to make friends sitting at home alone though.

[Ares the Ram]

*hugs* could you hang with the kind of friends you made at the banquet? maybe theyd be willing to be actual friends and keep in touch afterwards?

[Kaprika]

i can relate to this feeling, its hard wanting to have companionship...but when you look out for one all you see is a sea of people that already know one another..already have there social circles and you figure how can you possibly "butt in" and make yourself part of it?? like you dont belong anywhere..or even like you have nothing to even OFFER.

i suggest going, and seeing where the night takes you. i myself am not terribly outgoing, but can socialize fantasitcaly. sometimes i have to have my mate drag me out of the apartment to get me to go anywhere, i whine and moan all the while but usualy end up having a good time ^^

[Self-sain]

Zeph, its not that I don't want to go. I don't want to be in that awkward moment where your just ignored everytime you try to say something. I rather just not be the awkward third leg >_>

Macid, I always have bad luck inviting people to hangout, and the other way doesn't happen >_>. But ill try, *hug*.

Kaprila, well seeing how I'm under age with no car, going out at night and "winging it" doesn't work to well. Also, most places I'm not socially awkward, just at school >_> or with the people from school.