The Right Mate

[Alex Laetus]

Hi everyone!

Okay, I do know I've been on this forum for less then a day, but this is seriously something I'd like some advice on >.<".

We've been dating for about 6 months but... I've never really felt a spark.

I myself had actually not been interested in this mate until it was brought to my attention that she liked me. A little uncertain by the time, I decided to give the relationship a shot, and we started dating.

We've been awesome to each other for the past 6 months, and I know she's tickled pink that I'm her boyfriend...

My only problem is, I just can't seem to find the spark to think of her as more than a friend. She's very sweet, among several other positive traits; but I just can't seem to bring myself to solidifying that we were meant for each other.

Of course, I don't want to just drop the relationship out of nowhere, but in all seriousness, I just don't envision her as my mate. The thought of how both mates incredibly want to be together constantly presents itself and... Well, I just can't see myself with her.

Help? (Thank you all very much! I think this is within relevance of this board n.n")

[Bubblegum]

The thought of how both mates incredibly want to be together constantly presents itself and... Well, I just can't see myself with her.

Just so you know, the feeling of constantly wanting to be together and being perfect is something that comes and goes in long-term relationships. I think a lot of the reason so many fail, actually, is because people expect it to always be like it was when they were first falling in love and can't find a reason to stick it out, nurture some excitement and intimacy, show a little empathy, etc, when it isn't.

That said, the less time you spend in a relationship you know you don't want when it's not officially "casual dating," the better. You're not saving her heartache, you're building interest in the bank of hurt.

[Alex Laetus]

You are right, of course. ):

I completely understand that this is not helping by staying with her if I don't want to go with this...

Let me explain.

I had originally been asked by her friend if I had any interest in dating her, and I originally said no.

However,  I took one or two days since I thought, "Hm. I've never had a girl friend. Why not give it a shot."


So, I had a talk with her, and we agreed to start dating.


Now, I do completely understand, and expect that a person cannot and will not have that little feeling of "perfect relationship." at all times. I'd be surprised if a person could actually keep going without burning out that long.

My issue, as I'm finding, is how I want to go about it. I worry that I'm more so with her for, dare I say it, pity, since I know she incredibly likes me, she has had to deal with serious bull crap during her life, and I want to be there for her. However... I would really just would like to be friends to help her.

I'm sorry if that sounds like a huge excuse... I just have that feeling of knowing she's not my destined mate (I doubt any highschool relationship is), and I just figure out how I need to work with this.

By the way, thank you bubble (is it alright if I call you that), as well as anyone else reading

[Snow Kittie]

If you really do not feel like this relationship is going to go anywhere, you should not hold onto it. I know it may be really hard to break it up, and you may want to procrastinate until the last second, but it's best to end it now before it becomes too late. Like Bubblegum said, the longer you wait the more attached your mate is going to be, and the harder its going to be.

When you think about ending a relationship you feel like your holding a rope, and if you let go the person on the other end will fall into the endless abyss, but the truth is there is a bottom to that abyss and its covered in mattresses. The fall might be terrifying but you, and she, will be fine. She will be able to get back up and walk on, ending it is not going to kill her.

But continuing the relationship might kill you. I do not think you should walk around with these thoughts constantly in the back of your mind. Knowing that eventually you plan on ending it, and just putting on a show in person, its a difficult, if not the wrong, road to go down.


Since you already said you really don't think she is your soul mate, I wont go into the "ifs" and "buts"...

[Alex Laetus]

Thank you...

I guess I've just worried since I know she's debated to take drastic measures before when things are horrible, and I just don't want her to even consider that  .

But, you are right... It is probably better that I break up with her sooner before later so as we don't grow anymore attached.

My only questions now is, how do I do it without seeming like an asshole, and would it be a bad idea to ask for advice from one of her close friends as well as I do before going through with it?

Also, I apologize if I'm seeming over dramatic if not a few other things. This has just been bothering me. As well as this, I once again thank you all for who have helped me, or want to help

[Snow Kittie]

Your not being over dramatic. Don't worry about that (: I know exactly how you feel and understand you completely.


I'm not so sure about bringing her friends into this, they might tell her before your ready or tell her in a way you hadn't meant, but maybe I'm wrong and someone else will post with a different  opinion!

Make sure you do it in person, not over the phone, by text, email, or anything else. Breakup via the internet makes the person feel like they were never worth your time.

Also, I don't think you should do it out of anger. If you are in an arguement, disagreement, or she is upset, wait. It seems counter intuitive, but I believe it hould still be done with care, and soft words.

[Alex Laetus]

Thank you n.n". I wear my emotions on my sleeves, and when they're brought out, I don't do very much to muffle them .

As for the phone and internet bit, I would NEVER EVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS DO THAT. I HATE the idea of hiding behind a wall of technology to talk to someone about something important, unless there is no other means. Doing things in person means a lot more!

And I would never think of doing anything else! I don't want to be rude if I break up with her ): . That'd just be rotten icing on the cake. I don't even think it's within my normal nature to be harsh or rude when breaking bad news...

But most certainly, thank you Knoa >.<^

[Alex Laetus]

Welp... I ended up breaking up with her.

It's all worked out okay though; from what I know, she understands, and we'll both be okay. Just gonna play it cool, but be good friends still .

Thank you all for your advice!

[Snow Kittie]

I'm so glad it worked out! Whew *wipes forehead*

Great job building up the courage to do that and its really good that everything seems to be alright. I hope you two can stay friends and she really does understand.

[Alex Laetus]

Thank you very much Kona ^n.n^; I appreciate it greatly

[NovaAurora]

Awesome to hear that everything went well!    I've experienced first hand what it's like when the other person doesn't understand at all and it's not fun in the slightest    Good luck going forward!

[Alex Laetus]

Thank you very much ^n.n^! I'm very glad she did understand, and I do feel very optimistic about finding anohter mate, but I'll just leave fate to decide when I find one .

I have plenty of other things to worry about than busying myself finding another mate! I'm still in High School for goodness sake