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Author Topic: The Tales of Howl  (Read 1333 times)

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Offline HowlTheGrayWolf

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The Tales of Howl
« on: January 06, 2010, 12:30:29 AM »
Hi everyone, I just thought I would post a section of a short story of mine, based off of my Fursona. You can catch the rest on my deviantart account: http://howlthegraywolf.deviantart.com/

Thanks to anyone who will read this. Also, inform me of any bad language I forgot to edit out, I don't want to break that rule again. xD
Some of the text is in Italian, like special items or cities, but I'll provide translations to most of the stuff, others I won't because it gives away a vital part of information. But it's only a little bit of it at times. Alright, I hoped you like it! :D

The Tales of Howl the Gray Wolf part 1: Capture

In an alternate universe, where even as technology vastly changes, the ideal weapon is the sword, spear, axe etc., and there is magic and all of that as well., and Earth discovers a new planet named "Paaradiso di I lupi" (Haven of the wolves) by the Italians simply due to the fact that most of the occupants on the planet were wolves/foxes with human characteristics, (Aka, Lycans, I know it's a word for werewolf, but it does fit pretty well.) and yes, this is a story based off of anthropology, get used to it. Anyway……the Italian Space Coalition, or ISC were the first the set foot on the planet. When they met up with the Lycans, they were delighted. They exchanged cultures and technology, and the Lycans spoke a nearly identical language to the Italians. So, the humans were given permission to live on the planet with the Lycans. The humans and the Lycans got along quite well, they share politics, power, money, religion and culture fairly. But later on, the Chinese saw that their was something important on the new planet, and decided to take over the planet. Nations like America or Britain were unable to stop them when Earth was attacked by another alien race. Of course I was a Lycan, so being caught in the middle of this horrific mess, I'll have to start in the ruins of the Lycan capital, Congelamento montagne, or Freezing Mountains (As you can imagine, it's quite cold in Congelamento montagne, because it's high up in the mountains.) Also, keep this fact in mind; the Lycans are being aided by the Russians and Italians, but are still loosing. I am in a rebel outpost in the edge of the city, where I am helping others take care of wounded soldiers and escorting refugees. At the moment, I'm on the top of a scouting tower inside the base.
I pulled out a cigarette from my pocket and laid it on the inside of my mouth. When I realized I didn't have a lighter, I called out to my friend, and secret crush, Wolfa, "Hey, Wolfa, over here!" Wolfa was a lycan, like me, her fur a jet black; so soft like velvet, ruffling in the breeze. Her eyes; a shining green, they dazzled in the sun and made my heart flutter. She walked up to me, and she spoke in an annoyed tone. "Have you lost your lighter again, Howl?" I only shrugged, I always loose those blasted things, they fall out of my pockets in battle. "Man, your thick." She tossed me 2 boxes of matches. "There, now try not to loose them." I smiled and lighted my smoke up. "It's a shame that those humans got us into smoking." Wolfa rolled her eyes. "It's a shame that you actually fell for the whole thing." We both laughed a little bit, but then I got out of my chair. I looked out my window, such an ugly sight to behold.
Large, beautiful skyscrapers had been knocked down, causing large amounts of glass and metal to cover the main streets. Bodies were either piled up in ditches, scattered amongst the debris or were right next to blood stained walls where they have been cut down by archers. Huge craters left by artillery fire dotted the landscape, old belongs from families are seen inside the ruins of homes. My eyes scanned across the depressing landscape, but I had seen it all before, so it had no emotional effect on me. When I found a group of Lycans walking around,  I decided to Howl out to them, and they returned it well, so I motioned to Wolfa. "We've got more survivors." She nodded and picked up her binoculars to keep watch. I slid down the tower ladder and ran into the main military complex, where soldiers were running around, either taking care of the wounded/sick/elderly or going out to confront more Chinese. I went to the gate captain. "Open the door, we need to let in more people." He nodded and the gates gradually moved open.
There I saw the group of Lycans from before, a strange group of individuals, they all had that stalwart look on their faces and had bloody weapons in their hands. One of them was a complete meat head, but he had a giant mace and a "not so friendly" look on his face, his muscles nearly ripped his shirt and he had an arrow stuck in his right bicep, but he didn't feel the pain. The second was a rogue, he tossed a knife up and down, never keeping his eyes off of me, though I always have to work with the them, no matter how much I dislike them. The third was a girl, she had a sword and shield with iron armor, the usual, though her armor had a certain glimmer to it. They also had two archers, both identical, probably twins. Their leader; a short fox with a short sword and leather armor, he was probably the fast type considering how little armor he had on. What really caught my eye was that the whole group was made out of humans, except for the fox. I approached them with a casual looking face. "So, where did you guys blow in from?" The biggest guy in the group gave me a smirk, but I disregarded it.  The fox looked up to me and said, "We're of the city of New America." I was raised in New Britain (Not all the cities are named after Earth capitals or nations, it's just that there are a lot of colonies.). They would have called it New England if there wasn't one already on Earth. I did talk with a bit of a British accent, and it stood out well enough. "Seems good enough to me." I blew out a puff of smoke, which made the fox cough a little. "What's your name, shortie." His checks melted into a hot red from that, I could see it right through his fur. "Don't call me that!" He paused for a moment, then sighed. "I'm John." I smiled and ruffled his hair. "Well, John, I'm Howl of New Britain. Glad to me ya." Wolfa climbed down from the tower and walked up to John, she talked in such a sweet voice, as it is wise to make as many friends out here as possible. "Hello, I'm Wolfa, Howl's healer. I specialize in the arts of fire magic as well. It's nice to meet you." He smiled and shook Wolfa's hand and mine as well. What I was thinking at that moment was he was just another survivor, another life that would be lost......
But that thought was pushed out of my mind when I heard a large bang in the distance, I knew exactly what that meant. The Chinese use special gun powder weapons to prepare their troops, they also have gunpowder cannons. "DEFENSIVE POSITIONS! THE CHINESE ARE MOVING IN!" Sirens started to resound across the whole outpost, while men lined up on the walls and spearmen stacked themselves up in front of the gate. I slipped on some steel armor, drew my sword then walked up to the wall. Wolfa got back on the tower with her wand ready. In the first five minutes, nothing happened, but then I heard a large roar coming from the distance. Vast amounts of cannons launched shells at us. One embedded itself into the side of the outpost, then it exploded. A brick flew at my face, and I was out cold.
When I woke up, I was no longer at the outpost, unfortunately, it was a prison cell. I struggled to get up, my head was throbbing, and blood was still caked on my forehead, where the brick had hit me. With weary eyes, I scanned the room, and when my eyes dilated, I saw him. There, John was sitting the corner. He looked at me. "So, your finally awake." I shook my head, I was still in a complete daze. "What happened?" He frowned. "After you went out, the Chinese utterly overran us, slaughtering half of my group, and the main tower crushed the infirmary, killing everyone inside." My heart missed a beat. "Wait, Wolfa was in there!" John laughed. "Don't worry, she's fine. She's in the cell across from us. Oh, and I managed to get you some more smokes if you need 'em." He tossed them to me and I smiled. "You're a smart kid, ya know that?" John snickered, but then he seemed to realize something, and it depressed him. "What is it, John?" He looked up at me. "Nearly everyone at the outpost was slaughtered, why did they spare us?" That made me a bit nervous. "I can only hope it doesn't have to do with torture…"

A man of science,
a man of integrity,
a man of logic,
that's who I am.


Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: The Tales of Howl
« Reply #1 on: January 06, 2010, 04:14:47 AM »
Well it's an idea that seems to be quite fleshed out. I wonder why that fox is called John, and what history he has, I mean a creature from another planet being called John, when everyone spoke Italian before the rest of the humans came.

As for the main problems, you literally just tell people everything. There's a phrase that says "Show, don't tell." It's a method of immersing someone into a story by removing the narrator and just letting people see what's around while not telling them everything about it. It allows the reader to make their own image of it and gives a sense of moving with the story rather than hearing a story of something amazing that happened ten minutes ago. Also, your conversational style of writing doesnt really work, mostly because of the show don't tell rule. Also you tend to repeat words quite a lot within one or two sentences, again a symptom of this conversational style.

I suggest reading other books, learning the guidelines of writing and figuring out where you fit into that. These guidelines are never hard and fast rules but you need a good reason to go against them.
Really there are no rules. You can do whatever you want, but I would suggest learning more for now.
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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Offline HowlTheGrayWolf

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Re: The Tales of Howl
« Reply #2 on: January 06, 2010, 07:58:27 PM »
Well it's an idea that seems to be quite fleshed out. I wonder why that fox is called John, and what history he has, I mean a creature from another planet being called John, when everyone spoke Italian before the rest of the humans came.

As for the main problems, you literally just tell people everything. There's a phrase that says "Show, don't tell." It's a method of immersing someone into a story by removing the narrator and just letting people see what's around while not telling them everything about it. It allows the reader to make their own image of it and gives a sense of moving with the story rather than hearing a story of something amazing that happened ten minutes ago. Also, your conversational style of writing doesn't really work, mostly because of the show don't tell rule. Also you tend to repeat words quite a lot within one or two sentences, again a symptom of this conversational style.

I suggest reading other books, learning the guidelines of writing and figuring out where you fit into that. These guidelines are never hard and fast rules but you need a good reason to go against them.
Really there are no rules. You can do whatever you want, but I would suggest learning more for now.

Ah, well, remember the fact that John comes from New America, which is an American colony from Earth, so there's influence from America, making the name John probable. I see what your getting at, yet making up a special name for everyone in a completely different planet is no easy task I'm afraid. 

Now, as for show don't tell, I will try my best to explain less in it and let them forge their own thing (I think right now I'm just putting it as it was in my imagination, how it looks to me, but rather I should put it in a freelance type of way) When it comes to repeating words, I try to catch myself on that, considering that my vocabulary could use some work and I try to expand it to some extent. I guess it's time to look up synonyms to the commonly overused words of mine. :P

I guess I should touch up on my knowledge of writing, for I am new at it. I'm glad that you were completely honest and straight forward on your advice, and I will take it in and try to refine my style of writing.
A man of science,
a man of integrity,
a man of logic,
that's who I am.


Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: The Tales of Howl
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2010, 09:39:35 PM »
glad to be of service 0:)
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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