poetry

[Self-sain]

So I wanted to just poste a poem I wrote and hope to get some feed back plz

If I were to die, would you cry?
If I where to hide, would you find me?
If I were to run away, would you run with me?
If I was alone, would you be there?
If I was crying, would you hold me?
If I where to cut my wrist, would you kiss it and tell me to live?
If I said I had no one, would you correct me and be my some one?

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

NO!

kidding

It ain't bad, and definitely runs along the subjects trodden so often by most people here, bit for me, I would like it if some greater rhythm. It would set it apart from the average and to be fair, it's almost got that strong rhythm I want. Just keep saying it over, finding the amount of syllables that really roll well.

But then that's just my opinion, and I'm no poet laureat

[Self-sain]

what you mean no lol jk well for this it was more of spoken word type but yea I hear what you mean thanks I appreciate the feed back

[White Wolf Guardian]

I think it's cute myself, has the same phrase at the beginning each time so it has structure and all that jazz, I'm not really picky about poetry myself, so it sounds great to me

[Self-sain]

Thak you