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Author Topic: The Dragon's Home  (Read 1304 times)

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Offline Kindran Ornitier

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The Dragon's Home
« on: December 19, 2009, 02:06:55 PM »
I wrote this for bane for a wonderful favor he did me. I deviated from my usual style in this poem so it might be a bit rocky. As always comments and critiques are welcome.

Untitled for now (for Bane)

The dragon takes flight
Flight across the plains
Plains he is shunned from
From all manner of creature comfort

The dragon grows weary
Weary from lonliness
Loneliness that he has been engulfed in
In a maelstrom of despair

The dragon is ready
Ready to give up hope
Hope for any sort of life
Life that one might enjoy

The dragon approaches
Approaches a small village
A village that accepts him
Him, who was shunned all other places

The dragon finds love
Love of another 
Another searching for love
Love that they now share

The dragon has found a brother
A brother he claims to be worth keeping
Keeping for his kindness and like-mindedness
Like-mindedness that they both enjoy

The dragon has found a home
A home to laugh and grow
Grow and laugh and love
Love his new family

The dragon is home

=^,-,^=
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Re: The Dragon's Home
« Reply #1 on: December 19, 2009, 02:23:35 PM »
I like the repetition but it made me speak faster and faster and faster cus my mind had already processed the last word of the previous line so it sped up the first word of the next.

oh yeah, and that's a lot of love:
The dragon finds love
Love of another
Another searching for love
Love that they now share

Grow and laugh and love
Love his new family


anyway, i like the form, the language might be a bit plain and simple.greater imagery and metaphor wouldn't go amiss.

I like it.
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"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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