I realy liked this one!

[WolfCubLorent]

-Awakened Light-
1/7/09 “Only With Your Touch” By: Lorent K. Cub
This must be the feeling of love, it must be. I love the touch, the touch of your skin, the texture, so tender so soft. This world we live in will some day die. I love when you lay on me as time passes us by. I thought forever in love we could be even after death, after death. I couldn’t kiss you without taking my breath away, away. I couldn’t talk to you without always having something to say, to say. The sounds of your moan, your moan makes me feel like the world is mine, is mine. If you’re ever in pain please give me a sign, a sign. You love to cling on to me, but never dissatisfy me, me. I’m captivated, captivated just being in your presence. I see life, this life with meaning and death found unloving, so unloving. Eyes always closed, forever closed when we touch lips, a heart always open when you thrust your hips, moving so passionately. All your emotions, all are controlled by loneliness, so sad. With my love filling the emptiness, so full. Your fragile heart will never hurt, never, hold my hand and all the pressure will exert, let go. No one would dare harm you with me by your side, so safe, when ever you ask me you’ll always be satisfied, so pleasured. I will protect you from demons and hell hounds, so dark, with my limitless love that knows no bounds, no restraint. Taken away, taken in with your open arms and gentle hands we lay with the passion while listening to rock bands, so loud. The road I now walk, walk along, is pathed with your soothing words, as we fight, to suffer, to love, and die together like a twin blade sword, a reflection. Now my wounds are always closed, never bleeding nor ever burning, it feels so good. I have found the light and I knew it at first sight, only took one glance. You, my love and all that you give, so unselfish. Give, given up my darkened death, suicide in mind, to be with you and live a life that’s what’s all the worth wild, worth every breath. You have cleansed my white darkness, so clean, that once surfaced on my soul, never again. You have filled that sadness and closed that hole, the same. I asked don’t lie, please don’t ever, to me, I asked never to cry as long as I remain, I’m pleading. I will never give up on you, so don’t, don’t expect me to go anywhere, just accept it. I could see the sorrow leaving your eyes, still there, I could see your coldness turn warm, the feelings. Now we are this love full of fire, the despair, passion, and words with promises, always there. I scream please, I scream, don’t change because I wouldn’t want you any other way, the misery. IT comes, it comes back only with your touch does this soul push towards the light, forever in my heart.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

first off, make space. new line for every stop is what most do. Having a big block of text is never good.

As for the language, that was good, though near the end it gets rather confused. Like it's a happy thing and yet your still pleading and screaming with misery. I dont think it should end that way unless you want it to end on an uncertainty. A negative slant.

Personally, I'm no poet laureate, and these kinds of songs (which I'm guessing this is,) aren't to my taste so I can't say if it's good or not, but I'm pretty sure a lot of people here will like it.