jakob_furreault's poetry

[jakob_furreault]

here is a poem i wrote in my spare time. it is kinda dark:

why!? i yell as darkness swells,
engulfing me in it.
my barrier failing,
as it's hailing,
dark and acid rain.
i lash out and cry,
why even try?
when darkness covers me.
the shield fails,
the darkness hails,
right into myself.
like shrapnel it enters ,
my body's centers,
and pains me till the end.
left gasping for breath until dawn....
but when dawn does come what do i do?


i know the caps is not there but i was too lazy to correct it.  reviews?

[jakob_furreault]

I smile at her, she looks away.
I wave to her, she walks away
I sit there puzzled.


more to come including warning stone. i just have to muster the courage to type the long thing

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

I like the last line of that second one. It's got a good punch to it.

[jakob_furreault]

 
thanks wait untill i type warning stone

sometime tomorrow i think as im not busy

Post Merge: January 24, 2010, 08:45:51 PMFor those who enter do please know,
What lies within this evil hold.
Stranger enter with great care,
Many terrors wander there.
Those who entered felt no shame,
But none of them have ever came,
Back from the terror held within,
So go back straight to your kin.
Turn your face unto the west,
Away from this malicious test,
But, those who enter do take heed,
Doomed are you unless you read,
This verse in which will help guide you,
Away from the eternal doom.
First, as you reach the pit,
Do not ever dare to spit.
Next that when you walk away,
Do not hesitate to say,
The words inscribed into the stone,
Lest you want be blood and bone.
After all is said and done,
You must think of the bright sun.
The darkness will envelop you,
Unless you know this vital clue.
The room shall glow in blinding light,
And this will start the greatest fight.
Slay this thing and you will find,
A person who seems very kind.
Lest you turn his stare away,
Standing there is where you’ll stay.
Then the trials dead and done,
Will show the path unto the one,
Whom you traveled here to seek,
He yields only to the meek.

[jakob_furreault]

well i have a new one, may make some people a little nervous about me but this isnt really my thoughts, i just came up with it out of the blue:


Suicide:
I jump and feel nothing.
The slight breeze in my hair.
Thoughts through my mind.
The ground looms closer.
I close my eyes and see the past,
The hurt, the heartbreak, the tears.
I open my eyes, tears down my face.
I think of my family.
My mind stops.
I struggle against gravity,
I see each of their faces.
I cry longing to be with them.
Too late.
The ground is below me.
The end, is quick.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

The poem before this last one (missed it when you posted it.) felt like a challenge poem from an old 90s challenge show, like Crystal maze, or Raven. It's good in that way, though the rhymes are quite clumsy.


This new one, it's a good idea, though I think it could be expanded, longer and slower. Like your brain would when your mind is taking in a million things at once as such moments tend to induce. I do like it.

[jakob_furreault]

thanks for the advice 

[WolfCubLorent]

Well it's simple, sweet and I can understand it.....it's good, maybe the title should be something like Breaking Down Barriers or Fallen Unprotected.....

[jakob_furreault]

Thats the only problem i have with poetry, thinking of a title