My Killer

[Noke]

This is a poem I wrote just last night. It's really dark. Hope you all enjoy

Left in the cold
Standing in the rain
Lashing in the darkness I feel the pain
I tried to cope
I tried my best
When a dark figure stabbed me in the chest

As he pulls out the knife I begin to fall
But no one seems to hear my call
As I land face first into the mud
Theres a streak of lightning and then a loud thud

As I look into the assassin's eyes
Another bolt of lightning flashes in the skies
As the lightening still continues to race
I catch a glimpse of the murderers face

After all the times that we've been through
I can't believe my killer was you
We've been through so much can't you see
Why in the world would you do this to me?

I thought I knew you, I thought you cared
It was because of you I was never scared
Now you're watching me cower in fear
Enjoying the sight of every tear

As I feel the knife pierce me once again
I feel you twist, a sickening spin
First to the left, then to the right
I now know that this is my final night

As you continue to give the knife it's turns
I can no longer feel how badly it burns
You've warn down my flesh like a tire's tread
I can see my life playing through my head

I feel my heart begin to slow
I do believe it's time to go
I know I will never again be alone
This is God telling me to finally come home

As my heart makes it's final decrease
I take my final breath and my heart deceased
I wanted to die in the comfort of my bed
But it's to late now for I'm already dead

My friends and my family I will dearly miss
And I never got my true loves first kiss
But no matter what I will see them again
For all of our times are just around the bend

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

The way the stanzas are structured, each one is like a limerick, so that certainly detracts from the darkness of it. It makes it light hearted, which could be really good but I know it's not what you were aiming for. Some of the rhymes are forced, some of the rhythm is broken and lost, but overall I enjoyed reading it. I like the fact the stranger was someone you cared about, it put a little twist to the tale, which is always good. nice work