My crap

[Self-sain]

Shuting bored down

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Read through it, fix the spelling mistakes.
First drafts are often full of them so it's good to just do a passing glance.

also Dose is spelt Does

As for the actual content, it isnt bad. I'm not a fan of rhetorical question spam, but a lot of people do like it so it's no bad thing. I like the idea, but certainly erring on cliché. Try to mix it up with images and metaphor. That's the next step

It's good enough.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

I do like the lack of rhyme almost disjointedness of it. It works well, I like it. Everything is so concrete, it's less of a poem more as prose and that's rather refreshing. I like the use of the second person. It makes things more personal and intense. Good job on those things

But, again, spelling mistakes like threw instead of through, or roles instead of rolls
And the poem is rather overdone at the end, you can cut out a good 4 lines, maybe more because the meaning is more than clear.
There is cliché bouncing around in there like the single tear, but then quite a few people like that sort of thing.

Either way good work. I generally enjoyed it.

[vancouversarah]

The sliver/silver bits had me confused, partly because of the spelling. Are we talking about a syringe? A razor? Something else entirely? Careful proofreading is important when you decide a poem is ready for an audience.

The line, "The love that you guys share" caught me off guard. "Guys" doesn't seem like the right word--too casual for the tone of the poem.

Your second poem is stronger than the first because you avoided using "rhetorical question spam" (to borrow AsiaBunny's term). You are capable of very direct, honest poetry and it would be great to see you take advantage of that.

And it's not crap! Believe in your work!

[vancouversarah]

I still couldn't think of a word T.T all I can think of its getting rid of it all together

It's hard cutting a line, especially if you've struggled with it. Well, no one has to look at your draft and cuts don't have to be permanent. Hack it up and see what comes of it. A lot of the fun and challenge of poetry is playing with language. You can't tell me a purple foxxy like you doesn't want to play.