my fantasy book, have a read?

[Kaprika]

im of course not gonna post ALL of it. just like..the prelude and the first two chapters..tell me if you thinks its a sell or a no sell!
imput apreeciated. and grab some snacks..this is gonna be a LONG read!


Prologue


   There was so much screaming. I could hear armored feet racing the halls left and right past my bedroom door, shouting and chaos was ensuing outside the safety of my bedcovers. I had awoken to my brother Saine shaking me; he was screaming my name over and over. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes I asked what was the matter, but before he could answer me an eardrum shattering blast had shook the entire castle. Picture frames fell to the floor shattering, and toys fell from there perches on shelves. More screams could be heard from my window, blood curdling cries. Fear gripped my heart and my eyes started to well up with tears of fear, I could hear them dying all around me. “Artemis, we need to get out of here; we need to find dad!” he shouted over the explosions and battle cries, I was to frozen in fear to move. My tiny fingers gripped onto his clothing as I huddled up to him, I had no wish to leave the safety of my room. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me off the bed, “We can’t stay here, we need to get out Artemis!” I flailed in protest, tears now rolling down my cheeks; I was terrified.
 My brother took me strongly by the hand and led me into the halls; soldiers bustled back and forth with weapons in hand. We were like small mice running around the ankles of cats, the men and women rushing to battle towered over us in there full suits of armor. I saw even the Sleipnier soldiers were being called to arms, they were the best of the best and very powerful; we really WERE at war here.
   More blasts rocked the foundation of the castle; it sent me and Saine sprawling to our bellies. I started to cry harder, but he picked himself up and pulled me to my feet; there was no time to dawdle. We ran once more down the maze of halls, our bare feet padding on the stone tiled floors. I had no idea where my other brothers were, and I started to fear for them. I knew that the Eldest Ancalagon would be helping father send out orders to the barracks and higher towers, but as for Niierks and Saine’s other twin brothers Raine I knew not where they were; I silently prayed that they were safely tucked away from this madness.
   We came to the study, which is where father always was in times of crisis and sure enough he was there. He stood at the center of the room with three Sleipnier guards, his advisor and the Battle general K’jinnis; who also happened to be a close friend of the family. I stood there silently holding my big brothers hand, we both knew better than to interrupt father when “the adults were talking”. I watched his stern face, it was serious and tense. I had always known him to be a very collected and calm man even in times of distress, I suppose that’s why he was such a respected king; always on top of things. But though he was outwardly calm I could see his mind was racing, behind his intensely shining eyes he was thinking of about a hundred different things at once.
Seeing Father like that made me feel suddenly self conscious, I squeezed Saine’s hand tightly; my other hand empty. I wished that my stuffed doll was in the other, in our rush I hadn’t thought to grab my woofy bear. And hearing the sounds of war and clashing of armor made me yearn for such simple comforts as a doll. Never before had I been so frightened.
My attention snapped back to the moment at hand when I heard father say my name, but when I looked up at him he wasn’t actually addressing me. From what I could see he hadn’t even noticed us in the room yet, and was talking to his Advisor.
“Sir, they have breached the front gates and they will be storming the castle soon if we can’t hold them off. They want the young princess, and they simply aren’t going to take no for an answer. What are your thought sire; action needs to be taken?”
Father looks sternly, “They are going to have to fight all my soldiers down before they can take her for there Temple worshiping; she is a child not a holy relic. And not just a child, she is my Daughter and I won’t stand for it. Whether by popular vote or not, I wont allow them to take her from the only family she has ever known. Send out the Secondary Sleipnier platoon to intercept them coming around the side gates.”
My skin went cold, what was father talking about? It sounded like someone was after her, but…why her? Was this entire ruckus really to get her? Father’s Advisor spotted me and Saine by the door and Father noticed his gaze fall and followed his line of sight, he immediately lunged forward and dropped to his knees and grabbed me up in his arms tightly. “My dear, what are you doing in here? It’s not safe to be about the castle right now.” Despite how wonderful I felt being in fathers strong loving arms I squirmed back, “Daddy, what did you mean by taking me to a temple. What do they want with me?” I looked into his eyes wanting an answer. He paused and looked at me; I could tell he was trying to think of something to say. “Honey, you weren’t supposed to hear of that. I don’t want you worrying, because I won’t be letting it happen either way.” He looks over to my brother. “You should have both stayed in your rooms, I had sent guards to collect up you and your siblings and get you all somewhere safe with your mother. Now I want you both wait here so I can call you and escort to take you to your moth-.” But before he could finish what he was saying there was a deafening explosion that hit the side of the castle wall right above the room we were in causing tons of rubble to fall down on us. The sheer force of the blast sent everyone sprawling to there face.
 For a while I couldn’t tell what was up and what was down, my head was pounding and sounds were reduced to faint echoes. The only thing I could see was the back of my eyelids, I struggled to open them. My entire body was pinned under something, I couldn’t move. Time seemed to stand still as my mind slowly pieced together what had just happened. Finally, my eyes began to open. Sounds slowly became clearer to me, comprehensible noises. When the dust cleared I could see Saine straining, struggling to pry me out from under what turned out to be father, he was pinned hard by stones. And the sounds that I couldn’t hear at first were now my name being cried over and over. When everything started to make sense I looked around to see what had happened.
Someone had fired an energy blast into the side to make an entry point for the flying soldiers trying to get it, and the blast had killed our soldiers in the room, and wounded father. Saine and I were the only ones that were able to stand, if just barely. A coughing sound drew my attention behind me to father, blood was drizzling from his lips down his chin. I drew in a sharp breath, this couldn’t be happening; it was just a bad dream, it had to be. Father took my hand in his firmly, and looked hard at us both. “Saine, I can’t move. You need to take your sister and get out of here now! You need to take her to the main kitchen and run. Run through the secret passage I’ve shown you behind the furnaces and don’t look back no matter what, don’t stop for anything or anyone. It will take you to the forests behind the castle and keep running straight till you find a river; there is a safe house right across there that only one with Noble blood of the Zuurenkai can see. Get in there and stay till I come get you both…now GO!” he shoved me off to him.
“Daddy, what about you?!” I cried out, tears flowing free once more. I grabbed his arm and tried with all my might to pull him out, but my weak little arms couldn’t budge him.
 “No, you need to go now. Ill be fine, go NOW!.” He shouts at me. I fell to my knees despite saine tugging me upwards. My fathers face softened a tad. He said in a slower less frightened tone “Artemis, I need you to trust me please...I love you both, now please go.”
 It wasn’t good enough for me, but Saine hoisted me up to my wobbly legs and pulled at me. “Sis, we need to go. Dad is right, he will be fine.” We started heading for the door when my foot slipped out from under me and I hit the ground again hard; I had tripped over a boulder.
“Saine, I don’t think I can…get up” I sniffle; my ankle throbbed in my hands. I knew I was being such a baby about this whole thing, but at this point I didn’t really care. Everything I loved was crashing down around me; I was too scared to be brave. He stoops down to my side and crouches in front of me.
“Here, hop on my back and ill carry you” he looks over his shoulder at me. I slowly climb on and wrap my arms around his neck to hang on, he is immediately back up and running out the door that was now hanging on its hinges.
I can hear people screaming; the castles workers had now gone into a frenzy and were rushing through the halls in a confused panic. I was afraid that we were going to be trampled underfoot by them all, but not once did Saine waiver. He ran with purpose down the halls and around the corridors, I bounced up and down on his back as he moved. I was afraid he was going to drop me as we moved down the flights of stairs, but he kept a firm hold on me as he descended.
He kept running and running until finally we were at the main kitchen. We cut past the dishwashing stations and through the supply shelving’s and went directly to the furnaces. I was set down gently for a moment as Saine investigated the wall’s looking for some sort of nook in the bricking; I leaned around the side to see what he was doing. I saw him brush away dust and soot off the wall to reveal a stain, but it wasn’t a stain at all; it was a rune. Saine pressed the palm of his hand to the symbol and commanded “Open!” He stepped back and sure enough bricks started to part way to reveal a dark tunnel just big enough for us. He spins around on his heels and picks me back up and starts running down the tunnel, it’s dark and hard to see but we were purebloods. I was a Lunar spirit and he was a Silver Spirit, and darkness wasn’t too much of an issue for us. Spirits with weaker bloods would have been knocking about the walls here but it was simple enough for me and him to find the way. Though as we got deeper there was no light at all, it was pitch dark. Saine had already run, flown and was carrying me on his back; I had to help with something. I summon up the energies inside me and cast a small glowing orb that followed us as we moved; it was little but more than illuminated the way. So long as there was some light we would be able to see.
It seemed like he had been carrying me for over an hour when finally we came to the end, he put me down and once more repeated the steps he took to open the tunnel. When it opened it was almost dawn and there was an eerie glow about, the tunnel exited a hillside under a giant tree. Wearily he bent down to me to pick me up.
“Brother…your tired, rest now. I’m sure there far from here.” I assured him. He shook his head at me. “No, father told us to run and to stop for nothing. We need to keep going, I’m fine sis.” With a huff he hoisted me on once more and slowly at first but gaining speed, he ran straight from the caves exit like father told us.
No more than ten minutes from that point we could hear shouting from the forest behind us, they had found us.
“Saine, I’m scared. There coming!” I burry my face into his back, it was just me and him with none of our guards or parents to protect us.
“I’m not going to let them get you Artemis, I won’t” he ran faster, I could hear his heart pounding wildly through his chest. I wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come; I had already spent up all my tears. As fast as he was running, I could still hear people approaching; they were gaining on us. Then the worst possible thing happened, we were approaching a field.
“Saine, daddy said we had to run straight. What do we do?” I grip his night shirt in my hands, He tenses up. “Were gonna have to really run sis, hang on. I’m gonna give us some speed.” I adjust myself on his back and as I did an explosion of feathers burst about me. Saine was a good bit older than me, so he had his full wings grown in unlike me. Mine were still rather gimpy and unfit for any sort of flight, his however were large enough to support himself in air, but with me on his back it only provided a strong forward thrust as he ran. I silently wish there was a way I could help but at this moment I was totally helpless and just had to trust my brother.
We break out of the forest and were now in the plain view of the field, we had to move faster or we were never going to clear it. Both our hearts pound in unison as we move forward, his wings flapped hard and fast. With greater urgency now he ran, if they caught us out in the open like this we were done for. Though in what seemed like seconds we were almost halfway across.
Then I spot him…
I look in the distance, and I don’t think saine has seen him; but in the tree at the field edge is a man…
And he had a bow trained on our position.
So many things went through my head in that split moment, but one thought screamed out above them all.
They were going to kill Saine.
I simply couldn’t live with myself if he died trying to protect me from these people. Like father, he wasn’t going to let them take me away, but it looked like it didn’t matter…they were going to get me one way or the other, even if it meant killing my brother. So I did the only thing I could do.
The man let loose the arrow.
I let go of his neck and with both hands I push downward on his wings, then as if in slow motion Saine pitches forward from the weight shifted and I see the arrow. I see its flight rocketing towards us, no. I see it flying towards me.
Pain…I feel pain spider through my chest.
I’m on the ground; it’s hard and cold on my back. I’m staring up at the dimly lit sky silently. I can feel my skin going cold as I laid there.
Warm hands grab me up, for a moment I thought it was the people but no.
It was saine.
“WHY DID YOU DO IT ARTEMIS? WHY!” Saine shouted at me, tears welling up in his eyes. I look dumbly down to see the arrow that was meant for him jutting from my chest, I looked at my flesh around the arrow and saw it was a greenish yellow. It was poisoned, and I could easily assume the poison was meant to kill.
“I couldn’t…let you die for me…” I simply said, and it was the truth. I would have rather died myself than live with the pain and guilt of being responsible for his murder. My body was limp in his arms, I was slowly loosing feeling. He hugged my near lifeless body to his tightly sobbing. I hated to see him so sad.
“Artemis, you can’t leave me...”
I had rarely ever seen him cry, Saine was the hard one of the family. Such a trouble maker he was, and if he wasn’t in trouble with mom and dad or the teachers; he was plotting things that would get him there. So of course he was often moody, being such a difficult child; but he always had a spot for me. He wouldn’t let anyone bully me, or make me cry. He was my hero, even if sometimes it just meant saving me the last pastry off the snack tray. I knew that this one time, it was my time to be his hero.
“You can’t die on me, I love you. Not here, not now not EVER!” the tears flowed freely down his face now. There was nothing he could do this time to protect his little sister, and I could see knowing that was just killing him.
I weakly reached up and held his face to condole him; I could feel a gentle quiver. He took my other hand in his, and squeezed it tightly.
“I love you too big brother….that’s….why I couldn’t let them kill you.”
His lips pressed against my forehead, a tear falls on my face.
He whispers to me. “Artemis….don’t leave me.”







comments? imput?

Post Merge: February 08, 2011, 06:07:39 AMafter someone posts, ill submit chapter 1..cause it wont let me post again till someone else does..>>;

[WhiteTiger89]

That was quite a read. Very exciting. I did notice some small grammatical errors, but an editor can easily catch and fix those.

I very much enjoyed the frantic pace and descriptions of the chaos around them. You set the tone quite effectively.

The one thing that isn't clear that I feel needs to be is what these characters look like. As a writer myself, I know how difficult it is to slow down a scene like this to describe what your key characters look like without making it awkward and bogging down the story. A little trick that I've found to be quite effective is to describe them piece by piece as events unfold. Give the color of his skin/fur as another character takes his hand, his physical build as he lifts her and runs with her, his face and eye color as they look at each other. I pictured humans as I read this, but I don't know if I was supposed to.

"in our rush I hadn’t thought to grab my woofy bear"- I love this line. Gives a small bit of character and humor to an otherwise grim scene.

I would very much like to know more about the world this story takes place in, as I found this excerpt to be a little lore heavy without explaining anything about what that lore really is. You give a lot of names, but very little information. This can be disorienting for readers.

Hope I helped. Writing is the only thing I feel I do really well, so I'm always eager to help others.

[Kaprika]

Chapter 1


   I hated having to wake up this early in the morning, anything you can learn at seven in the morning you can just as easily learn at eleven, or even twelve in the afternoon. Didn’t college professors realize that some people have active night lives? I actually had a blip of a social life, and it didn’t care much for having to end so early because of school the next morning. I blindly reach around for my cell phone that was acting as my alarm clock at the moment, it was screeching at me to rise and shine. My mind had thoughts of violence on it and I think the phone knew it, that’s why it was hiding from my blindly wandering fingers. Finally they find there mark and I silence the awful thing, I’m tempted to retreat back under my sheets; but I knew if I didn’t get up now, I’d not wake up again till after my Algebra class was over.
   My morning routine was a painful one, considering after I had graduated High school I was getting used to sleeping and waking when I pleased. My alarm would go off at six every Monday and Wednesday, or if it was Tuesday and Thursday it would go off at six twenty five; id get up and do my daily task of getting dressed, brushing my hair, eating anything I could stick in the microwave for 3 minutes or less and eat, and grabbing up all my things so I could run out the door just in time to drive to college. Though I had a bad habit of staying up late, so the first half hour of my first class would be all a haze; which today was a very bad thing since it was Algebra, and math already was my worst subject.    
“This classroom is not your bed miss Sarah, so id appreciate it if you wouldn’t sleep in it like it was” My professor stood over me with book in hand; I looked up at him with a blank zombie like expression. My brain had barely registered what he said before he slammed the book hard on the table, he couldn’t have gotten me to jump from my skin higher if he had just shot a gun. He was pleased with my reaction and smirked at me, I suppose teachers needed to have fun to; I just didn’t care for it being at my expense.
   “I’m sorry Mr.Dewsky, long night” was the excuse I muttered. He frowned before rolling his eyes at me, “that’s the same excuse you have for me every day, at least give me the courtesy of TRYING to convince me you want a good grade here” I wanted to say something back at him but I knew he was right, I was a terrible slacker in this class. Most of the reason was because I was always tired, but the other half of the reason was I simply had no interest and hated math. I had a D in his class and I had been telling my mother I was going to bring it up, but admittedly I was putting in a very poor effort to do so. Mother and I had an agreement, if I could bring it up to an A by the time the end of the semester came along; she would give me her relatively new minivan for my birthday when she goes to get her new car. I had been begging for it as a replacement for my old junker, it was dying on me and was just barely making the trips to and from campus. You would think it would have provided ample motivation for me, but it didn’t. My mother was a habitual liar, and when it came to getting me to do what she wanted she knew exactly how to say what I wanted to hear. You would also think it should be the other way around; the kid playing there parents to get what they wanted, but no. I knew for a fact she was planning on selling it, I had already seen her try and sneak a car for sale poster to her room.
   Class went faster as the day wore on. Mondays and Wednesday were Algebra and English, while Tuesday and Thursday was History and another more advanced English class. Today was a Monday, one of the dreaded math days. But there was one up side to it; I got home earlier those days because my second class would let out at three, while my last Tuesday and Thursday class would let me out at five. Though the break time between classes was longer, I wasn’t quite sure what was better; more sleep and hang out time in the lounge between classes or being let out early. My English classes were my favorite, I was working for my Associates Degree and I was madly in love with Writing. I had hopes to be a respected and renound Author, so the more education the better; though I swear that the Teacher for my First English class had some sort of Fetish for giving out miles of writing assignments and homework.
“Alright, Now I know it’s a Monday people but that’s no excuse to be lazy. I expect each and every one of you to have your paper typed and turned in by the end of this week.” Mrs. Kilmer eyed the class layabouts with her “you better get this paper done, no excuses” look. I really had nothing to worry about, with the time that I should have been dedicating to my Algebra studying I had gotten ahead of the rest of the class and was about three assignments ahead on the Syllabus.  So while the others were heading to other classes, going home or wanting to chill at the lounges; I headed over to the campus library so that I may commandeer a computer for my entertainment.
   I chose the computer farthest from the others so that my conversations would be private, I always felt like people were going to be nosey for some reason. Not to imply I ever talked about anything private, I just liked my business to stay my business. I logged into my Myspace account real quick and looked at my upper screen tabs. The words ONE MESSAGE was blinking at the top of my screen, I eagerly click it; hoping it was from my new friend.
   About five months ago I was convinced into finally getting myself a Myspace page, I had said it was stupid but apparently everyone in the entire world except for me had one; and I needed to give into this global phenomenon. I really didn’t have any friends so my friends list was about as long as my attention span for math, but I had Tom; good old tom, always there for me. But as I’m to understand tom was a bit of a friend whore, and everyone and there grandmother had him on there list. But there was one person that I always looked to see if he was online, his name was Seth. I had been internet buddies with him for a little over three and a half months now, maybe longer. Seth and I always had things to talk about, and it was always very interesting and intelligent conversation. None of that “lol rofl” or “omg wut r u doing tonite?” crap. I went to my inbox and sure enough the message was from him, I clicked it and It read “Been waiting for you online, where are you?” I looked at the small clock on the toolbar and saw that my Teacher had actually held us about 20 minutes longer than class was supposed to; I guess I didn’t notice because I loved English so much. The only class I clock watch in is Algebra, so yes; I was late. I usually had about two hours to mess around with online after classes before my mother would get around to calling me asking where I was.
   I pull open the Messenger and log in, sure enough he was signed in and waiting for me, immediately I get a window pop up and the gentle bling noise that came with it.

BritSeth: - <There you are; what kept you?>
I smile; he wasn’t one to like being made to wait.
L8erH8er: - <sorry, teacher kept me longer to review notes. What’s new?>
There is a pause as he types out his response; I stare at his photograph icon while I wait. His hair was black and longish, cut in a choppy way and combed over to the side. Seth had what some people called “the emo/scene look”; personally I thought he was hot. He was an older guy, 25 to be exact; but I didn’t mind, I always had a thing for older men anyhow. That’s not to say I liked him that way, I’m not sure; I was still getting to know him. Words appear on the messenger window.
BritSeth: - <My day could have been better, I lost my job at the carwash…bloody morons were driving me up a **censor** wall. Idiots, all of them…>
 I felt sympathetic. Though a job at a carwash really isn’t anything spectacular, but from what he said money wasn’t really a matter for him; he just liked having something to occupy his time with during the day when he wasn’t playing videogames.
L8erH8er: - <I’m sorry, what happened?>
I stare at his picture some more while he types, I wasn’t even sure if that was what he really looked like. For all I knew he could be some pale, acne ridden chubby white kid that had crooked glasses and a thing for paste. That’s the mystery with meeting someone on the internet. You never know who you’re talking to.
BritSeth: - <Well, I had about had it with my manager; the bloody twit, no sense in that little head of his. I was dealing with a customer that seemed to think because he drove through a mud puddle on his way out that he should be eligible to go back through again for free. I sent the man off when he doubled back and got a hold of the manager to assist his stupidity and the manager went and under minded me and let him have the free wash. How DARE he do that, make me look like a damned fool. I let the sod have it…>
I smiled; it was just like him to get all worked up over something like this. And for some reason the fact that he was British made it funnier to me. I kept trying to be sympathetic.
L8erH8er: - <Your right; what a douche, you should have went to the parking lot and peed in his gas tank or something.>
I knew better than to give him ideas like that, but the idea of him pissing in a car for revenge seemed funny to me and knowing Seth there was an innate possibility he actually would do it.
    We talked on like that back and forth until my phone rang in my pocket. I pulled it out and picked it up to hear my mother’s impatient voice hollering on the other end.
“Where in the HELL are you, I have a date coming over soon and ill be damned if I have to miss it cause someone has to be here to watch your sister.” I cringe, I had totally forgotten about that. Whenever her boyfriends come over it was my duty to be home at a decent hour so she could dump all her motherly responsibilities onto me and run of to relive the glory days as I would call it. If only dad could see her now, then again her acting like a child wasn’t exactly any news to him.
L8erH8er: - <hey, I need to get going. Mom is pissed and I have to get home now, ill log back on when I get home ok?>
BritSeth: - <sure, that’s quite alright. Ill be here waiting; don’t forget me this time>
L8erH8er: - <don’t worry, I wont. See you in about a half hour>
I quickly log off, grab up my things and run off to the campus parking lot where my car is parked all the way at the end; I never get a parking space that is close by, dad always said that parking close encouraged lazy habits.

   “What took you so damned long...Jesus…” My mother was pacing at the front door the whole time apparently waiting for me since she got off the phone with me. She was all dolled up with makeup and wearing her tight jeans, for some reason she was under the impression they made her look thinner; I just think they made her look more like a muffin. “Sorry mom, I was staying after to study my algebra notes.” It was a lie, but I figured since our entire relationship was based on telling one another lie after lie, what was one more on top of the rest? “Stephen will be here any minute and I don’t want him coming up to the door and seeing you and Ashley. I feel old enough already, and I don’t need him knowing I have kids too.” She picked up her purse and started for the door in a hurry. “I left a twenty on the counter for you to get pizza tonight; I haven’t had a chance to go grocery shopping this week so the fridge is empty. And don’t think about touching my beers, I counted them and ill know if you got into them; they’ve been going missing a lot lately and I know its you.” She left the house hurriedly and all was silent except for Ashley watching cartoons in the living room. I never touched her beers, I never did and she knew it.  But it was an accusation made at me often; it was her way of trying to kid both of us. She had been an alcoholic for about nine years now, it was one of the reasons Dad left. Our many relatives have tried to convince her to get help but she wouldn’t hear of it, so to make herself feel better about it and to make her feel like it’s not really her drinking the beers she had started getting on me for all the magically disappearing beverages. I shoulder off my backpack and toss it onto the kitchen table so I can look for the twenty, I was already starved. The life of a college student was a hungry one, never having the time to bring or let alone eat a decent meal. For the entirety of the semester my diet had consisted of hot pockets and various things I could sneak into class and munch on from under the table, not exactly healthy but then again not a lot of things about my lifestyle could be called healthy.
   I located the money and called up the pizza guy, Ashley being a typical nine year old wanted pizza with chocolate and hotdogs on top but I wanted pizza with hundred dollar bills on it; so we compromised and got a bacon ham and cheese pizza with pineapple on one half. The dude had to have gotten lost on the way to our place since it took almost an hour to get here, but eventually we got our heart attack inducing dinner. While she was eating her slice in the living room with her face glued to the TV screen, I had grabbed up a slice from the half with pineapples and munched away. I sat down at the table and cracked open my laptop, I logged back on to see if Seth had waited up for me; true to his word he had.
BritSeth: - <Well there you are; I was beginning to wonder if I had once again been forgotten>
L8erH8er: - <No, I never forget you. I just had mom to deal with and pizza to order, I could have bypassed the pizza and died from starvation if you would have rather?>
He posts up a smiley that sticks its tongue out at me.
BritSeth: - <I don’t particularly care for your mother, you’re lucky I don’t live down there; I would have been tempted to off her weeks ago, she is a god awful parent.>
I wanted to tell him he was wrong, but everything I thought to type would have been a blatant fib. And I knew he was right, it hadn’t always been like that though; there was a time when their little family was picture perfect and she was the loving, nurturing and responsible woman that I now wished she could still be again.
L8erH8er: - <I know…but she tries>
Was that a lie too? I really wasn’t sure anymore, I would like to say with all honesty that I thought she tried her best; but if this was her best, it was an awful attempt. I went silent; I really didn’t know what to type after that.
BritSeth: - <I’m sorry; I shouldn’t say things like that. It’s none of my business nor right to judge her, I just wish she wouldn’t give you such grief over things that are her responsibility and not yours.>
I take a bite of pizza and wipe the grease off my hands onto my jeans before answering his apology.
L8erH8er: - <Its alright, your not exactly far from the truth. I can’t get mad at you for stating facts, its ok.>
His tone suddenly changes.

reply so i can post the second half of this chapter PLEASE

[✡]

woah this is some really well-done writing

[Kaprika]

ill post the first half of chapter two after a new comment allows me more type space

[x]

I will read and review soon as I can. 

[Kaprika]

BritSeth: - <So uh... what else is on your mind today?>
His photo catches my eye once again, god he was beautiful. I always imagined him having to beat women off him whenever he went outdoors; admittedly I would be one of those women if I lived anywhere near him.
L8erH8er: - <You told me a little while back that you live alone, have your own house. Yet you’re barely employed, even when you DO have a job. Where does all your money come from? How do you pay for your bills and everything?>
I eye my little sister in the living room to make sure she is where she should be while I wait for him to type; he is taking some considerable time, it seems to be a rather lengthy message.
BritSeth: - <Well, believe it or not. I’ve won the lottery on more than one occasion and I make a habit of playing often, with all my winnings I put a good majority in the bank and the rest I buy more lotto tickets with. The money that goes towards the bank I use for bill paying, luxury expenses and food; the money I don’t spend goes towards lotto cards to win me even more money. I have what my family calls the “luck gene” so I eventually end up winning again. So as I said before, no real need for a job of any sort; I simply work to give me things to do. Cause ill be bloody damned if I’m going to sit around my house all day and get fat.>
An image of a fat Seth skips through my head; I nearly choke on my pizza laughing at it so damn hard.
L8erH8er: - <I wish I had your luck; mine could use some definite improvement. Having that much money to blow on anything you want must be awesome>
BritSeth: - <Not really, I don’t buy a whole lot of things. I got a car, a computer, a TV, and all the video games and game systems I want. After I got that my shopping pretty much ended.>
There were so many things that I’d buy if I had that kind of money. For one id get out of this place and get my own house, and id bid college ado. No sense spending years of your life getting a scholarship for a big fancy high paying job when all the money you could ever want was already right there in your bank account.
L8erH8er: - <You have all that money; yet your 25, live in a two story house and have no family nor girlfriend to speak of. Do you really enjoy that lonely of a lifestyle?>
BritSeth: - <I don’t really see the need to get a bigger place when it’s only me. As for being single, it’s not by my choosing; there is a woman I do love. If I had my way me and her would be together already and perhaps maybe even a family started, but due to some unfavorable circumstances with her health she was put into a medically induced coma. I know not if or when she will pull through, though I can only hope…>
I immediately felt bad for bringing it up, what terrible luck to have considering he has everything else a man could want from life; independence, wealth, material happiness.
L8erH8er: - <If you want I can change the subject, I wouldn’t have asked if I knew>
BritSeth: - <well of course you wouldn’t have asked, why ask a question to something when you already have the answer. That would be a dash silly.>
L8erH8er: - <you know that’s not what I meant. I’m sorry ok?>
There is a considerable period of silence, for a bit I suspected that he had walked away from the computer. But finally he responds.
BritSeth: - <I’ve been talking to you for over 3 months now, its fine by me that you want to explore more of my life. But please believe me when I say that I need to log out for the night, and it’s not because of what you said.>
L8erH8er: - <Well, let me tell you that I’ve been talking to you for over 3 months and I can tell when you’re lying>
BritSeth: - <Well you can’t blame me for trying, I wanted to leave without making you feel like shit; but have it your way>
L8erH8er: - <well I guess we both his some tender topics…we can call it even now. Later Seth…and once again I’m really sorry>
His messenger symbol goes to offline status and I’m left to my own company. Though when I look at the clock on my toolbar I see that it was  almost eight thirty, and I needed to get my sister started on her bedtime routine and get myself in the shower. I shut down my laptop and stuff it in my backpack for school tomorrow, if I don’t pack the night before I have a habit of forgetting it the next morning when my brain is still in a sleep fog.
   Ashley and I go through out nightly battle of her being obstinate and me having to ride her through her entire nighttime routine. There is much whining, pouting and stubbornness on her part, but I counter it with firm orders and threats of a pillow to her face at night if she doesn’t hop to it; the struggle finally ends with her caving into my more than reasonable demands.
   I take my shower, I brush my teeth and to ensure an easy task for morning I also ran a brush through my hair. Standing bare in front of my full body mirror that hung from the back of my door, I study myself. I was about five foot six, straight black hair with a single red streak in the front. I usually kept it in a ponytail with a few strands hanging in my face; it was a simple yet attractive style for a girl on the go such as myself. I look down at my figure, it’s not especially voluptuous but I had a good curve to me and weighed anywhere between one fifteen and one thirty; I wasn’t entirely sure since I  hadn’t been on a scale lately. Unlike most girls I ate what I wanted and didn’t pay any special attention to my weight. Mostly because I was gifted with an extremely fast metabolism and could easily clear a buffet table and loose weight just from going back and forth from the table to the food bar.  There was one thing about me that would always catch my eye whenever I looked at myself that id try to pretend wasn’t there. From my right shoulder down leading across the top part of my breast was a five inch scar; it was an ugly thing that provided me a daily memory of my broken family.
   Five years ago on a quiet night not to different from this one, my father was sitting in the living room sipping on some coffee. He wasn’t supposed to be home, he should have been on a business trip in Tokyo; but a downed fuel tank at the airport left all flights postponed for 3 days. So instead of talking business figures with the Japanese, he was sitting in his chair…waiting. He had come home to find me, his fourteen year old daughter left home alone looking after her four year old little sister by herself; with no mother around to be seen. He knew where she was, and what she was doing; he just didn’t want to believe it up till that point, but there was no room for denial any longer. And finally, at one thirty in the morning; and four cups of coffee later she came home. So drunk she could barely fit her key in the doorknob and walk in the house. I don’t know how long they kept the argument quiet and civil, but I do know the point in which it got so loud my sister cried and I had gone down the stairs to investigate. Mother’s voice had escalated into drunken shouts and rants; father was hollering back but was making at least half an attempt to keep his temper under. I was about five steps from the bottom of the stairs when she had just about had enough of dad and had thrown the bottle of vodka she had been nursing in my direction past father. And before either of them had realized I was there, the bottle shattered on the railing and a large shard buried itself into me. I don’t remember a lot after that, but I do remember being in the hospital. And that very soon after that night Dad filed the divorce and I never saw him again. Dad did try to take us with him, but my mother was a completely impossible woman and threatened to make big trouble for him and us if he so much as tried, so off he went without so much as a custody hearing..
   I pull my nightgown over my head and slip under my bed covers; I wanted to get to bed a little early tonight so I could start getting myself into some better sleeping habits and maybe be a little more alert in Algebra next time around. I lie in bed and think my day over, and think how the next day was going to be. I though of how hung over mom will be when I get up in the morning, how sad I felt for Seth and his girlfriend, and various other things. I badly wanted the weekend to hurry up and come around already, I liked being able to sleep in and chat online all day; after I had done my homework of course. I take my cell phone off my nightstand and set my alarm for the next morning. My head sinks deep in my pillow, my body wrapped tightly in sheets and my mind drifts slowly to sleep.


ill post more when people comment, such as chapter two!!