So....I'll just come out of the bag, or, um, the closet? No. Not the closet. The bag.
I'll start by saying that this doesn't apply to you guys here, because if it did I would have left ages ago. This forum is the only one I've really felt comfy being myself in.
BUT let's start at the beggining with this little story!
I knew from when I was a child that society didn't want any part me, friends, parents, teachers...it was better if they just ignored me, and, well, they did. So I spent my childhood almost totally alone minus the family get togethers. My imagination was my only friend and it became my friend to the point that living in my head is now daily. I haven't left the fantasy of living in my head all this time, I STILL haven't come back to reality....I like the inside of my head better. It's more fun to think of the adventures I could have and pretending I'm some amazing persona instead of behaving like a normal human. As some of you know, I went through some abuse as a child, starting with a druggie, no good but adorably pathetic mother who left me and my father because she didn't get enough money for drugs, leading into daily bullying by my classmates which made me not want to try and make friends at all anymore, then into sexual abuse, then into emotional abuse by a step mother at an older age...just a lot of bad stuff. This all inspired me to retreat to my head even more, reality is a real pain.
That's not what I'd like to talk about though. What I'd like to talk about is myself, online. It may or may not be obvious, but I am a real online attention whore. I started having…erm… ‘relationships’ with older men online by the time I was thirteen, really putting myself out there as ‘available’ [removed]. For the past four years, I’ve gone through about three or four “serious relationships” with men who thought I actually cared about them…I mean they were really down with me, but I was just using them because they told me they loved me and would pay attention to me, which made me feel so happy! My current relationship is the only real one I’ve ever had, and I still sometimes feel guilty cause I like to corner him into saying I’m cute and things.
I’m also a pro at making people like me…I walk into a chat room or a forum or a club on SL, and I can start talking to people and getting them to go to some private place with me in a snap of my fingers.
Why am I like this?