A tale of death and kings

[Aoren Deringer]

Now it may not be obviously furry (I detest describing characters ) but here is the first segment (the prelude really) to my new serial A tale of Death and Kings (which is a working title.) Anyway, I hope people enjoy it and please comment!
 
 
      Eikir looked out mournfully over the snowy isles. He saw everything that was, is and will be. The entirety of the world was splayed before him in the ice and the heavens. Occasionally a star would fall, sending the ice aglow in a great sunburst. Eikir missed such happenings. No more stars would fall, at least no more that he would see.
      “My lord, it is time.” The gaunt servant stared at his king, thinner than most of the peasantry and hunched forward as if carrying some great weight. He was not the king he once was. “Peace Sriva, I shall be there momentarily. Has the rite begun?” Sriva pawed the ground anxiously “It is nearly complete. We will not have another chance.”
      “It seems to me that no sooner than you have entered this world that we must part from it. Do you know what my father told me, a lifetime ago?” King Eikir stared at his young servant; Sriva was barely a man. “No sir, I could not tell you what it was. I was not born by then.” Sriva laughed nervously, and then gestured at the nearby cliff face.
      “Relax Sriva, and allow me the time to reminisce on my short time here. My father used to say that we were like birds. That we are weak, and then we grow strong. That then and only then do we receive a chance to fly. For some flight it innate, but for them the experience is bittersweet at best; the rest fail, and are consumed by beasts greater than themselves. That is why birds sing, as a memory to those who could not fly. But all flights must end, and we only receive one. After that… Nobody knows. We land, but where? And to what purpose?”
      Sriva paced somewhat, torn between loyalty and duty “That is beautiful sir, and perplexing. Such things are far beyond me, but sir… The rite!” Eikir snorted in distaste “I fear you will never learn patience. Fine, lead me to them.” Sriva gladly led him through a passage in the jagged cliff, to a large chamber carved out of the ice itself. Seven figures stood around a small block in the center of the room, and many more held back near the walls. Sriva led Eikir to stand behind the block, facing one of the figures. The man pulled back his heavy hood to reveal a shaggy white mane.
      “False-king Eikir you stand here before your peers and brothers in secrecy, accused of sabotaging your people. How do you plead?”
      Eikir laughed “All the wars we fought Yndvul and you dare speak to me through the veil of ceremony? I do not plead but proclaim innocence. I did not sabotage my people but laid the ground work for a great friendship with the Renrikrin.”
      Yndvul snarled angrily “Such heresy is unheard of! Beasts like the Renrikrin are not capable of friendship, they seek only to destroy. Now your people suffer, and we will put you down.”
      “In secrecy, where none may contest your choice.”
      “In the tradition of our father’s fathers. The people are incapable of such choices.”
      Eikir laughed heartily now “Such narrow thinking! If I be the king of the damned then so be it. If I be the king of the voiceless, the king of rags, then so be it. But promise me that you will not lead with such arrogance as you show here today.”
      Yndvul spat on Eikirs face. Sriva gasped slightly, and Yndvul continued “Today we seal you here, in the living ice. Your name will be stricken from all records, your lineage forcibly erased. As patriarch of the aristocratic brotherhood I shall take your place as king. Dremer, Kinvuold; Tie him to the block.” Two large men grabbed the dead king and fastened him to the ice with heavy steel shackles.
      Yndvul stared at Eikir triumphantly “You were guilty from birth, nameless one.” The various men in the started to file out of the room, and it started to implode. “Oh, and leave the chaff.” Sriva was shoved from the door as it closed. His scream was quickly cut short by the collapsing ice.
 

[Icefire]

It seems like a great start!

[Aoren Deringer]

Myeh. I'm not that happy with it
I'll post more tomorrow, probably. Either tomorrow or Thursday

[Icefire]

You just got to build on from that point. It is a prelude, right? If you need to fix it a little more, you can add flashbacks as the story goes on.

[Aoren Deringer]

Not that kind of prelude This was a prelude... Well, the next segment is 300 years in the future. So flashbacks aren't exactly fitting o.o
 

[Icefire]

...oracles?

[Aoren Deringer]

Nah. No mysticism, although maybe. We'll just have to see!
Also your name reminds me of a song.