Silver Rose

[ShiroTenshiRyu]

I just wanted to share some of my stories with you guys. Maybe you like it maybe you don't. Maybe the artists decide they want to draw some of my characters that'd be cool. What I would love though is that if you can just leave so ideas on how I could make it better

"Grandpa, will you tell us a story please?" Lyra, a young girl of ten, asked sweetly. She had long cascading brown hair and soft sea green eyes, "One with princes, and princesses, and a happy ending, oh grandpa please?" the petite girl’s large eyes formed a shape similar to that of a small pup's. She sat on her small bed wrapped up in her blue blanket that was covered in silver stars, the bed covered in stuffed animals in all shades of pinks and purples. Around her neck was a chain of gold and on it was a silver rose pendant. Lyra sat happily on her bed waiting for her grandfather’s answer. “Oh can it be a love story Grandpa? Pretty please?”


A young voice, not quite a man’s but no longer a child’s either, interjected. "No way! I don't want to hear some stupid love story, how about one with dragons, and monsters?" Xander, Lyra's older brother, asked. Xander wasn’t much older being only thirteen. He had short curly brown hair and harsh lavender eyes. His face was rough and angular like a warriors and his body wide and thick like that of a wall. He lay in bed very casually, with one leg straight out and the other bent some. His back was propped up against the head board and his blankets and sheets in a state of relative chaos. Around his neck was an exact replica of his sister’s necklace.


"Hmmm," the old man mused on the idea for several minutes swaying back and forth in his cedar rocking chair debating what story he would tell the children. The old man was in the latter half of his first century of life. He had silver curly hair, a rugged beard, and soft lavender eyes. "Okay, tonight, my children,I'll tell you my favorite story. A story of heroes and villains, of dragons and other fantastic and wondrous beasts,” Xander perked up, his face a sun shining brilliance into the room. “A story of warriors and magicians, and.” He paused dramatically, Xander and Lyra sitting on the edge of their beds, their bodies tensed in anticipation.“Of friendships and of love." Xander face instantly turned to disgust when his grandfather spoke of love, while Lyra squealed with delight."But first!” He said drawing a gasp from Lyra. “A history lesson." He laughed as Lyra crossed her arms, inhaled deeply, and puffed up her cheeks. Xander began to laugh with his grandpa while Lyra held her breath until her cheeks began to turn a rosy red. Finally she exhaled and looked her grandpa.


"Aww grandpa do we have to, I hate history" She said with a playful anger. Xander happily sat up eager to talk about his favorite subject.


"Let’s start with our creation shall we?” Their grandfather asked softly.


"We were created by the dragon god Volven. He wanted companions for his children." Xander answered excitedly.


"Yes, when Volven first created the sun and breathed life into this world he created dragons in his own image to populate the world. At first the dragons were content, spending their time lying about all day not a care in the world. However they soon yearned for adventure and excitement in their lives and so Volven than created humans to be the first companions to the dragons.”  You were close Xander, but never forget it was the dragon’s desire for companions and adventure that created humans. Remember their history is as much yours as it is theirs.” Their grandfather softly reminded them “Now what happened next?”


“Then the other gods wanted to create their own races. Jugo created the mythical Föir, Eruthal gave birth to the graceful Elves, and Marak who crafted the stout and sturdy Dwarves.” Xander said rather quickly. "Then, the Myrsian were created by the bird-goddess Harria." This time Xander answered with less excitement.


"Yes the Myrsians,” a sadness over took his face as he described the monstrous creatures. “They were dark, twisted, and insane beings. They stood almost eight feet tall. They had huge talons and claws, sharp beaks, and protruding from their back was what most could only define as the beginning of wings.” His voice shook whether from age or anger the old man couldn’t tell. “What about their culture?"


"Their culture was corrupt and evil. They believed that only the strong should survive and that all other races were inferior. They forced the other races to fight each other to the death. They put us to work as slaves to build their cities." Xander answered with even more sorrow.


"Yes for thousands of years the Myrsians had enslaved not only Humans, but Dwarves, Elves, and even the Föir, for yes they do exist.” Their grandpa gave a wink, rolling up his sleeve to show the two children his arm which was covered in red scales. Xander and Lyra stared in wonderment at the beautiful scales that were every shade and hue of red. “Now” He said fixing his sleeve. “If we were enslaved than tell me how are we free now?”
 
This time Lyra answered, "We were freed after thousands of years of enslavement." Lyra began to enjoy the lesson this was after all her favorite part. "A gallant and courageous fighter seized an opportunity and escaped his captors. He was on the run for some time before he found something magnificent.” Lyra paused for a moment to catch her breath.


"The beast turned out to be one of the last dragons. The dragon glad to finally be free agreed to help Michael free the races that had been held captive. Michael and Hiro found the strength to rally the fighters in the arena and rebel against the Myrsian's." Xander finished the story.


"And then we headed west eventually founding the Raeos, but at the end of the day we were still fighters." Grandpa had a solemn look on his face. “For a long time we fought constantly in tribal wars that seemed to stretch on for millennia.”


"Until Xán and Roxas appeared." Lyra chimed in with her angelic voice.


"Yes, my child, yes until Xán and Roxas appeared. Xán was a master shadow mage and Roxas a master water mage." Alongside them was Pira the Mistress of Flames and the first human to use magic, Terra was a large and burly man, not always the smartest, but he was the most loyal man you’d ever meet, and  young and beautiful she was a Daughter of the Winds." The aged gentleman paused for a few moments contemplating where to continue. "The five warriors sought to end the fighting and to unite the western world under one banner. They fought tribe after tribe, city after city, until they finally united the human race under a single banner."


"Then the Myrsian's invaded." Xander's interjection was cold and calculated. "They attacked unannounced and gave the humans reason to fear enslavement. The humans began to seek the help of the other races all for eventually uniting under the dragon banner that the warriors carried. In the end the Myrsian's were repealed and the four brother races wrote The Silver Dragon Treaty."


"Ahhh so you did read the book I gave you." Grandfather smiled and continued the story "Yes the four brother races; Humans, Elves, Dwarves, and the Föir. After the treaty was signed the western world was divided into four countries. Can you tell me their names?"


"There is Draco which is of course home to us Humans, the Elven kingdom of Mysteria, the Dwarven homeland of Drevege, and the Föir coastal empire of Tyior." Lyra excelled at geography, she always dreamed of traveling the world.


"Good, good, darling." Grandpa smiled at Lyra. "And that leads us to tonight's story, hundreds of years after the founding of Raeos a woman gave birth to twins. This is the second time in our history that this had happened so the woman named them after the twins of legend." he paused to catch his breath. “The woman died soon after leaving the boys orphaned until they were adopted by a lord.”


"Grandpa, can we just get to the story already." Xander begged hoping now that it would get interesting.


"Be patient Xander. Now where was I, Ah yes the twins both became great warriors and magicians in time. At the age of ten they, along with a son of a peasant, the daughter of the lord who had adopted them, and the daughter of the King of Draco. They five of them all caused an unheard of event. The five of them accidentally caused the birth of five dragons. The dragons were the first to be born in over five thousand years, but our story starts nine years later with a young boy running down a dark alley. It was littered with trash and stank of...”

[Trixsie Vixen]

Nooooo!  You can't leave it there!!  What's going on in the alley, who are the Föir?  *folds arms*


OK, apart from wanting to read more.  This is great writing, nice adjectives without too much pretention (a common failure).  Although at the start it put me in mind of the Princess Bride it is only in broad strokes and that's no bad thing.  Tone-wise it reminds me a lot of one of my favourite authors: Robin Hobb, but like the style she uses writing as Megan Lindholm.


I liked this very much and if there is not more to come things may get ugly


I have no criticisms and only saw two typos, so bravo!

[ShiroTenshiRyu]

For Trixie Cause she's needy and wants more I kid but thank you for reading and speaking


The stench of decay was palpable. The street was gorged with the odds and ends of the poorer members of Estherblade. Xán hated visiting this district because he knew it would be sometime before he could help these people. He was next in line for the throne and yet he could do nothing to help this people. The people in the alley would smile as he passed them, as he handed out a few Golden Scales to each of the people, knowing that the money would buy them all a few days food and save starving families. They would thank him in turn and always say he would make a great king one day. Xán was out in common apparel, a black shirt and a pair of jeans. Still people always recognized him due to his long white hair and soft crystal blue eyes. Despite his best efforts to do so, Xán was unable to distract himself from thoughts of the man who had tried to kill Lucy not but a week ago. The masked man had said Estherblade would be his. Xán could still imagine the events as if they were still happening. He felt his arm twinge as he remembered blocking the original blow of the masked man.

 
 “Estherblade will be mine.” The man growled through his ominous and morose themed mask. The man took his blade and threw it at Lucy. It almost made a connection, but it was blocked just in time by Roxas who melted out of the shadows and deflected the blade leaving the man weaponless.

 
“Get her out of here Roxas!” Xán shouted at his brother. Roxas had grabbed Lucy by the hand and attempted to escape. The masked man made his way across the room in a blurred line and landed a hand on Lucy’s forehead, a strange tear drop shape forming as he pulled his hand away and quickly vanished and reappeared on the other side of the room. “What did you do to her you dirty bastard?”

 
“I used a memory rune on her. She’ll wake up eventually, but by then Estherblade will be nothing. Estherblade will crumble, and I’ll be here to make sure it corrodes in to obscurity. I will bring down the thunder’s righteous fury, I will drown you in the waves of justice, and I will burn you into the darkest corners of history.” Xán felt his spine shiver as the masked man’s venom laced words sank into his skin. “Now feel my pain!” The man surrounded Xán in a ball of brilliant orange flames that burned his skin and would have burned him alive if not for his own water magic had kicked in rapidly covering his body in a bubble. When the flames died Xán laid sprawled out on the floor unable to move. His body was an ash covered corpse. His vision went black as the masked man stood over him his blade poised in the air. Xán should have died right then and there. Thankfully Roxas had returned with Cole and Taylor in tow. Cole quickly offset the masked man’s balance with a well timed bit of earth magic. Taylor managed to lock the man into place with some wind magic and they would have captured him, except he had some kind of unknown magic. He had simply willed himself to pass right through the transparent shackles Taylor had created and the nest thing they knew he was gone as quickly as he had appeared.  Xán continued to pace up and down the street deep in thought until a familiar voice called out. “Xán” A strong voice shouted. “You didn’t think you were going to leave without us?” Xán turned to see Cole and Taylor standing at the other end of the ally. Cole was built like a wall and just as thick. His hair was jet black and his eyes a dull earth brown. He wore a plain white tee shirt with a green jacket, and a pair of jeans.

 
“Knowing how stubborn he is of course he thought he could leave without us.” Taylor said with a smirk. Taylor’s golden eyes gleamed in the sun as she stuck her tongue out at Xán. Her bright blue hair distracted Xán for a moment as he was still adjusting to its new color. She was wearing a golden dress with silver trimming. It was shorter giving her more movement and range so at least Xán knew she was ready to travel and fight.

 
“So I take it Dusk sold me out then?” Xán said with a chuckle. The other two nodded and the group started towards the city gate. “So nothing I say will stop you two from following me?” Xán asked softly.

 
“No so you may as well give up now.” Taylor said with a look of determination on her face. “And don’t worry we left our weapons with the dragons.”

 
“But first we need to grab a few things from the castle Xán.” Cole said. “Things you forgot in your haste.”  Taylor snickered at him. The three continued through the bustling city mostly unhindered though from time to time bridges would create an influx of people and slow them down. Xán knew that Dusk had sold him out but it was for the best. Xán had thought he would be fine traveling by himself until he had caught up to his twin, Roxas, but apparently he would never find out. The castle where the three along with Lucy and Roxas lived was made of a pristine marble and granite. Xán shout a simple gesture to one of the guards at the front gate and the enormous black steel-bar gates swung out to the left and right from a center point. As they entered the castle Xán was as always overwhelmed by the vibrancy of the colors adorning the floors and walls. The three went quickly to their rooms to pack their stuff and prepare for this journey.

 
Xán decide to take this opportunity to change into his traveling attire and then further alter it to make sure he wouldn’t be recognized. As he stood in front of his mirror he couldn’t help, but muse at his new attire. He now wore a white and black jacket that was frayed and torn on the bottom and around the cuffs from years of use. Underneath he had a black shirt that had tons of brightly colored lines on it that Lucy had given him as a birthday present years ago. He wore a pair of jeans that were well worn in and hugged his legs just enough to show off his muscle. His belt was a soft blue with tons of pouches hanging of the different loops to hold his vials of various potions. Protecting his feet were a pair of combat boots. Around his neck hung the one of the only real indicator of who he was a gold chain with a silver rose pendent on the end. There were five necklaces like his in the world counting his. The other four belonged to the four dragon owners who lived in Estherblade; Roxas, Lucy, Taylor, and Cole. He took one last look at himself and noted that his ears had become more pointed and his face now had whiskers. He didn’t think much of it and dismissed the observation ignoring his curiosity for the time being. The last thing he had to grab before he headed out was his blade. Lying on his bed was a blade; cobalt in color roughly a closed palms width across, two inches thick, and four feet in length total. The hilt was a glimmering silver with a sapphire stone in the center. He slid it into its sheath and put on his black gloves. Although they looked plain only the right one was ordinary. His left glove would channel his magic to create an ice shield. By the time he looked up to leave he noticed it was dark out. Making his way through the quiet city he couldn’t help, but cringe knowing that he may never come home again. When he got to the northern gate of the city he saw Taylor and Cole both waiting for him. The three quickly headed into the woods where they were to meet their dragons.

[Trixsie Vixen]

*applause paws* bravo bravo!


This is great stuff, I'm definitely going to have to read it again from the start free from interruptions.  It's like my employer has no respect for your artistic integrity!


It definitely changes gear and gets into less broad brush strokes, I always love that moment in novels.  Oh and when your references jeans, my brain skipped a beat, and it's not meant to beat!  You have your own style but I find it hard not to compare, I wonder if you have read any Philip Pullman Shiro?  His balance of fantasy and parallel world mid 20th century is very addictive and I suspect you would hit many similar notes in a large work.


Have you written more?  Because I'm needy and want more   Though you're off the hook at least until I reread it


I want to get to know the characters better (esp Lyra) and that's more than half the battle for a successful writer.  And I haven't forgotten the Föir either.  So many questions


Anyway... I love to write for pleasure, but you have a real talent.  I hope you nurture it.


PS Dragons, I just love dragons and the way they lace through the culture is kickass!

[Tyga]

Amazing piece of work. Good writing style, character development could be a little deeper but its hard to say until we see how the rest of the story pans out.


Like Trix the start put me in mind of the Princess Bride...gave me a moment of remembered feels cause I love that story 




About the only criticism I can find with the whole thing is it needs a bit of an edit. Maybe by someone other than yourself, to catch the extra words, context errors, sentence structures, and paragraph structures that as a writer you tend to overlook in your own work. They not really bad, but its the only thing I could find wrong 


I wait with baited breathe to see what else will come from your pen...or keyboard. You have a serious talent.