Hi Rhosyn,
First, there's nothing bad about getting a little personal. Sometimes, I think that that is what I love most about forums like this: they give you the ability to be yourself and talk, ask, question and answer the topics you want with people who are into the same things as you. You don't know the people on the other side in real life (I think?) and because of that fact I personally find it easier to talk to them about various subjects.
To answer your question: I had the same questions as you have now a year or so back. A couple of years back, I fell in love. With a man. One of my best friends in fact. That shook me to my core. Never before had I fallen for someone of the same gender and never had I thought myself to be anything but straight. I got more than a little depressed because of the confusion this thought gave me. People started taking notice and asking me what was going on. So, I started lying to those close to me, to stop them from asking the questions I was hiding from. From the first lie on, it became easier and easier to say things that weren't true. In a short period of time, I was telling more lies than truths on some days and even I myself was starting to believe them.
One day, when I was together with another of my closest friends, I broke down. I told her everything. Despising myself for not being like the others, confused of my sexuality, I was a right mess. The lies had heaped up and were drowning me. And my friend, she was the one who opened the floodgates and accepted me for who I really was. We talked for a long time and more and more I started to see the truth: that I wasn't who I thought I was. And that this newly discovered part of me wasn't at all necessarily bad.
I had been lying to not only those around me, but myself as well. And it had to stop.
For a long time after that conversation, I thought about this person I was. Instead of running away from my fears and thoughts, I faced them head on. Slowly, I came to terms with myself and who I was. People on various forums helped me on my way, sharing thoughts and advice with me. In the end, I came to the conclusion that I identified as a Bisexual, as I was attracted to both genders equally.
With that discovery, the last of my lies slipped of my shoulders and I could be myself again. I came out of the closet not long after for most of my family and closest friends and all have accepted me for who I really am – me.
I was ashamed of myself once, yes. However, I have realised since that you cannot, should not be ashamed of who you truly are.
My personal morality stance is this: if you love doing something, and it doesn’t hurt anyone or anything (physically or emotionally), it is fine by me. One might not understand it or might not appreciate it like you do, but in my opinion one should accept it without further question. I do, anyway. Every human being it different after all and you shouldn’t hate someone just for what they enjoy doing.
In conclusion, the truth should always be chosen over the lie. Even if the lie is so easy, so small and comes automatically for you, the truth must stand above that, especially if it is for the one you love. Of course, I do understand that this is very hard – I too have troubles stepping off of lying to cover myself, to ‘defend’ myself, but I try to tell the truth when it comes to it, especially to my family and my friends.
Rhosyn, I truly hope that I have given you advice which you have use of and that I haven’t bore you to death by the heap of text I’ve written here. And if I have, I apologize for it.
I hope that you will be able to clear things with your partner and that you can find yourself and especially BE yourself, how hard that might seem to be. You may PM me at any time here on the forum if you have additional questions or just want to talk.
Topic: Honesty and Revealing who you are to your partner: A plea for help and advice. (Read 1049 times)