Looking for some Clarification, I think

[NoisEverdark]

I'm writing this at 1:45AM in the hopes for some outside opinion. I'm moving on Monday but i'll try and reply as much as i can if others reply before i temporarily lose internet.

I've recently been pulled into the furry fandom thanks to my girlfriend back in 2014 and I really love it despite never going to a con just yet. I've done some research into the fandom from WikiFur and other places, read blogs and posts on various sites from furries and youtube accounts.

I even recently came across anti-furry(?) posts and sites. And though i actually happen to agree with some of it to certain extents (let me make it clear, I love being a furry and understand how easy it is to judge the entire fandom based off just internet results. My actual real life experiences and research turn up quite positive stories) but more specifically I want help understanding a Furry Lifestyler.
I want to understand why they're generalized as giving the public a bad idea of what being a furry is?
i THINK I identify as a lifestyler. I wear my partial furry parts (ear hairband, belt strap tail and gloves) everywhere i go and around the house a lot. From my research, both from positive and negative (furry blogs and anti-furry blogs) points of view, lifestylers tend to try and force peoples opinions and get overly defensive against people who, say for example in a movie theater your ears block someones view and they ask you to remove them and you get defensive and refuse. This actually happened to me in a movie theater and both me and my girlfriend took our ears off. Actually, we took them off even before being asked to be polite.

People have the idea that wearing it in public is forcing others to accept what you are? I wear it all the time but i never expect people to like it or look at me or give me any attention at all (actually wish people would stop saying what does the fox say to me lol). I wear it as if it was no different than clothes or jewelry and take it off as per dress code at work. And I just ignore the occasional negative comments and just walk away. I don't understand how wearing it in public is forcing people in a negative way to accept you. Thats like saying someone wearing a crucifix necklace of jesus to be forcing christian values on others and to be honest i don't believe that to be true.  But maybe I'm missing something here?

Another thing that turned up in my research is that furry lifestylers LARP (live action roleplay) their fursonas. Like wolf furries will howl for example. I don't do any of this lol ever. I just feel like it's a part of me and just wear it. Like, "If I could change my physical appearance into anything I wanted, I would be a Fox" but i dont like act out a fox or anything.
Maybe I'm missing the point of a Furry Lifestyler/Not a lifestyler like I thought?
Also read, even on actual furry forums, that lifestylers are the kind of furry that basically "walks into a place like work and on day 1 tells everyone their private life from interests to kinks in bed and expects everyone to respect them for it and tells off anyone who disagrees". Umm, what? I just walk around in a ears/tail/paws lol. I did get a collar later on though at my girlfriends request but i don't know if that counts. It's not like we do anything in public but what everyone else does (shop, fill up gas in the car, groceries, ect...). I'm not even social why would I just tell everyone everything about me

Various other things i researched (mostly ignoring negative sites because they're usually stereotyping but sadly some things I read appear on actual furry forums too) are that they just do it for attention or tend to act emo and victimized. I actually wish people would STOP giving me attention. I just wear it because it feels normal to me and fun. Please, you creepy people, stop pulling up in your cars at 11pm at night when I walk home from work and take pictures of me. Stop approaching me at work going "It's the fox guy omg!". Thankfully it barely happens anymore but it almost annoyed me into never wearing it out of the house.

As for the emo thing I don't believe I am. I only know "emo" as people who wear all black and cry a lot (sorry if I sound mean I seriously never researched the emo phase thing because I never really liked it but i mean no offense)

For victimizing, I don't get this either. I just ignore people who shout or cuss at me. It's not hard. It happens maybe once or twice a month. Never at all when I'm with my girlfriend though which leads me to believe they're just people picking on me for being different and want some entertainment (like bullies in highschool). But it's not hard to ignore people. Never had anyone get physical or violent with me though. Everyone's entitled to their opinions. It's better than the people down the road at McDonald's spreading rumors furry is a religion one day and the next saying I have sex with animals lol

As a last addition, furry lifestylers who try forcing hugs on people. I don't even hug people online that aren't close friends. Very close friends. I'm not touchy feely. I have 2 people in my whole life i care enough to hug. Others only get hugs if, well like something bad happened. But you know that's just general human sympathy/empathy thing.
So... thoughts, opinions?
Am I a furry lifestyler? Or do I have a bad perspective here? Maybe I'm just wrong? Am I hurting the public opinion of furry?
I'm reaching out in the hopes of understanding more about myself as a Furry. I pondered it a lot on my own and through various bits and things I've found but I'd really appreciate peoples opinions directly from actual furry communities.

[saph the sergal]

ill adress the hug point first

no theres ways you do things like that normaly its arms wide open

as for most of the stuff you have read most to nearly all will be classed as a big pile of steaming manure

as for hurting the image of furry

rules of the internet are there and we have had tons so dont worrie (csi and such)

for the furry lifestyle ive never heard of it or would it matter to anyone

but if you really want some good info youtube and try to find things done by samual Conway aka uncle kage it will mostly be con stuff but theres info there if needed

[NoisEverdark]

lol guess I fell for a label/stereotype. The activist in me is crying right now.
I guess I was just self conscience that I was hurting the furry image publically. It made me worry that I would make people mad if i went to a con. The majority of my research about the label came from other furries so it just made me worry is all.

https://en.wikifur.com/wiki/Furry_lifestyler

This is where i found out about it a few months ago.

But anyways thanks for making me feel relieved that I was over thinking it

[George]

But anyways thanks for making me feel relieved that I was over thinking it

That's what happens when you get thinking about something in the middle of the night and delve into it.

Anyway, don't worry about it. As long as you're not doing anything to cause problems, you're fine. From what you say, you're not. You're just wearing things.

[NoisEverdark]

Yeah I realized that most of what I read is basically just typical human behavior and that I just over thought it and made it into a big thing to worry about when it's not.
Either way thanks again for making me realize this!
When I get internet back after moving I'll donate to the site as a thanks. Maybe try and socialize too. I want to get to know the Furry community, personally, i've been really interested.
For now sleep time,  work is tiring.
Good night everyone!

[Ventus Fall]

"People have the idea that wearing it in public is forcing others to accept what you are? "


Yeah, that is nonsense. Don't get me wrong, I do mean it's true many people think this for some weird reason that you're 'forcing' your opinions and lifestyles on others by wearing something they wouldn't, which I would advise: Ignore those spurts and just wear what you want, which I feel from your post that you do indeed.
So I totally agree with your example about the crucifix necklace xD  Heck, you can even simply mention that back at them if they comment about you forcing them to be a furry o3o


There are different kinds of people, everyone is different, so there are bound to be different kinds of lifestylers out there too. A lifestyle is a lifestyle. It's a way of life, so you can dictate whatever style you follow, make up your own. Which is what everyone should do with their own lives: Follow your own life, your own style. (You may add things you like to your lifestyle though, like partially dressing up as a furry.)


What I would want to compare this to is the following:
How I read what you mostly have read about (furry) lifestylers is like what a lot of people think of what furries are, while there isn't just a single term for it or explanation. One can simplify it, but since it is a fandom, it contains various types of people, all with various types of interests. Some people are furry because they create fursonas, others are furry because they like furry art. Yet some people claim not to be a furry, while liking furry art. So it's also how people themselves categorise themselves as.
Just as how I'm sure a similar thing goes for lifestylers. You have this lifestyle, but don't force it onto others. While other lifestylers might have that goal, you do not. Which is fine


People who say other people are doing something to get attention... Just... ignore those kind of people too. Sure, there might be a very selective group of individuals doing it to get attention, as with any other thing, but most of them are probably like you: They do it, because they want to.
Some do it because they have to, because it is the only way they feel comfortable in.
People say such comments and other nasty stuff for various reasons: Because they're jealous, because they themselves have low self-esteem, because it's simply not their style/taste, etc.  It's a way of bullying, and most bullies bully because of their own low self-esteem.  So just think of that whenever you get another (negative) comment.


(I'm typing this while reading your comment and I just noticed you are indeed ignoring them and even mentioned bullies as example, ok, good xD)


You are NOT hurting the opinion of being furry. Just be confident and say you simply like to dress like you do.
If you want to be a furry, you are one, and you will be accepted just fine in this community

[NoisEverdark]

"People have the idea that wearing it in public is forcing others to accept what you are? "


Yeah, that is nonsense. Don't get me wrong, I do mean it's true many people think this for some weird reason that you're 'forcing' your opinions and lifestyles on others by wearing something they wouldn't, which I would advise: Ignore those spurts and just wear what you want, which I feel from your post that you do indeed.
So I totally agree with your example about the crucifix necklace xD  Heck, you can even simply mention that back at them if they comment about you forcing them to be a furry o3o


There are different kinds of people, everyone is different, so there are bound to be different kinds of lifestylers out there too. A lifestyle is a lifestyle. It's a way of life, so you can dictate whatever style you follow, make up your own. Which is what everyone should do with their own lives: Follow your own life, your own style. (You may add things you like to your lifestyle though, like partially dressing up as a furry.)


What I would want to compare this to is the following:
How I read what you mostly have read about (furry) lifestylers is like what a lot of people think of what furries are, while there isn't just a single term for it or explanation. One can simplify it, but since it is a fandom, it contains various types of people, all with various types of interests. Some people are furry because they create fursonas, others are furry because they like furry art. Yet some people claim not to be a furry, while liking furry art. So it's also how people themselves categorise themselves as.
Just as how I'm sure a similar thing goes for lifestylers. You have this lifestyle, but don't force it onto others. While other lifestylers might have that goal, you do not. Which is fine


People who say other people are doing something to get attention... Just... ignore those kind of people too. Sure, there might be a very selective group of individuals doing it to get attention, as with any other thing, but most of them are probably like you: They do it, because they want to.
Some do it because they have to, because it is the only way they feel comfortable in.
People say such comments and other nasty stuff for various reasons: Because they're jealous, because they themselves have low self-esteem, because it's simply not their style/taste, etc.  It's a way of bullying, and most bullies bully because of their own low self-esteem.  So just think of that whenever you get another (negative) comment.


(I'm typing this while reading your comment and I just noticed you are indeed ignoring them and even mentioned bullies as example, ok, good xD)


You are NOT hurting the opinion of being furry. Just be confident and say you simply like to dress like you do.
If you want to be a furry, you are one, and you will be accepted just fine in this community

Sorry for the late reply, i wanted to keep my promise to donate in thanks to the community.
I made the mistake of taking the category as a stereotype. Mostly because after being a furry for a while i have to admit i didn't really KNOW about other furries or the fandom in general. And when I suddenly realized I wanted to start going to cons, saving up for fursuits, meeting other furries, ect.. I panicked a bit and took the label too seriously. Labels are helpful and all for communication but they simplify the thought process. i.e. it summarizes and generalizes everything so it's not always right if ever right. But since I panicked a bit i let it go to my head instead of thinking it out. The furry community is something I want to get involved in a bit more (maybe not a lot, I'm not usually social, but still). So I wanted to know what idea I am projecting and ways to communicate easier by learning and understanding the fandom more. Oh well, I'll just go with the flow and be me and see how it goes. Every person is different anyways. Seeing people discuss or even argue differences in the furry community itself is proof of that. So I might as well be accepted as me 
Also... these. fox. emotes. are. all. mine, now omg

[Ventus Fall]

Hello again NoisEverdark


I'm glad to read that you seemed to have indeed calmed down a bit. I think it was indeed a bit of panic.
In fact, I got a close friend who also wants to be more in the furry community and while he has a good bond with his parents and brothers, he is still extremely worried what they will think of him if he would suddenly get a fursuit. Knowing his parents a bit, they don't strike me as people who are quick to judge, neither who know or even care about the 'bad stuff' of the fandom. They seem more to be people: Well, if our son likes that stuff, he should know.
And after talking with him about so, he agrees. He's been worried too much about it. Things like: But then they'l see the costume and freak out.
Me: Did they freak out when you wore your other costumes you have? (cosplays and the like) Him: No, they thought it was awesome.
Even though they could have a different response to him in a fursuit then him cosplaying other wearing other things, I still think they will treat him the same.

A lot of people think for others, which is a tip I would highly suggest you don't do. If you want to do something, just do it! (too soon? ;D)  Especially if you like to do it.
Sure, you can get comments or remarks. Some are fun, others aren't, but that's with everything. Just with some thing it's more than others, but there will always people who are quick to judge, who say silly things. Don't worry about them or waste any time on them, it's just not worth it.
It sounds cliché, but... life isn't all that long. Take a step back and think about what you really want to do/wear/etc.




If you need anyone else to talk to about these things or want some help with more furry stuff or anything else, I will try the best I can to help you, so feel free to PM me.

[NoisEverdark]

Hello again NoisEverdark


I'm glad to read that you seemed to have indeed calmed down a bit. I think it was indeed a bit of panic.
In fact, I got a close friend who also wants to be more in the furry community and while he has a good bond with his parents and brothers, he is still extremely worried what they will think of him if he would suddenly get a fursuit. Knowing his parents a bit, they don't strike me as people who are quick to judge, neither who know or even care about the 'bad stuff' of the fandom. They seem more to be people: Well, if our son likes that stuff, he should know.
And after talking with him about so, he agrees. He's been worried too much about it. Things like: But then they'l see the costume and freak out.
Me: Did they freak out when you wore your other costumes you have? (cosplays and the like) Him: No, they thought it was awesome.
Even though they could have a different response to him in a fursuit then him cosplaying other wearing other things, I still think they will treat him the same.

A lot of people think for others, which is a tip I would highly suggest you don't do. If you want to do something, just do it! (too soon? ;D)  Especially if you like to do it.
Sure, you can get comments or remarks. Some are fun, others aren't, but that's with everything. Just with some thing it's more than others, but there will always people who are quick to judge, who say silly things. Don't worry about them or waste any time on them, it's just not worth it.
It sounds cliché, but... life isn't all that long. Take a step back and think about what you really want to do/wear/etc.




If you need anyone else to talk to about these things or want some help with more furry stuff or anything else, I will try the best I can to help you, so feel free to PM me.

Funny side story i don't live with my parents, they live in a whole other city. But they somehow still managed to run into me with my furry on at the store anyways despite having their own grocery store in their town so that was awkward lol
But yeah I'm all calmed down and got it all sorted out. I'll just be myself and all and see how it goes. But thanks for the support and all
I'll keep you in mind. For now I plan to mostly lurk.