Three minute noodles in five. But that's because I add a hard boiled egg in there, strips of seared hame, or chicken, and throw some frozen veg in it. Tasty.
Beyond that, I can do the man steak. Get inch thick steak, wrap in four layers of newspaper. Throw steak in bucket filled with water and rock salt. About 1 part salt to ten parts water.
Start a fire pit, or BBQ. In its friends over. Horrifying them by throwing it directly into the he fire. Turn occasionally. Let news paper burn off. Take out, serve up with a1 and you're good to go.