Don't Like your Family?

[GamerFool]

So I know it's very common for teenagers to have problems with their mom, and in a lot of situations, the mother can be very abusive, verbally and in other ways. My situation isn't nearly as bad as many people have it, but seeing as I've never really had to deal with it before, I'm kind of at a loss for what to do.

Honestly, my mom and I have never been very close. We talk, we're friendly, we joke around, but I'm not close enough to her to consider her more of a friend than a family member. She's a very kind person, though she struggles with depression. To try to cope, she takes lots of different pills and such, but she's a very forgetful person and doesn't always take them. When she doesn't, or she's switching to a new pill, she tends to be very teary and easy to upset. She's like that normally, but it's more noticeable at these times. Lucky for me, I sort of inherited her turbulent emotions. I have depression, though it isn't as bad and I'm not taking any meds for it, and I'm really good at crying when I shouldn't which can really make confrontation difficult for me if it's not through text or something.

So, recently mom has been switching to a new drug, dunno what it does, but apparently her old drug has really bad emotional withdrawal. She's been really emotional lately, but that really hasn't changed much besides making it a little awkward when she's upset over banana muffins not being something I like. But a first time thing happened today where my mom said some things that actually made me feel like crap. Like, not the normal "Whoops, that kinda hurt" sorta stuff that can happen in everyday conversation, but like "How can you not see that that was really insulting" kind of stuff.

Specifically, she was talking to me about getting a job which kind of set me up to be annoyed (though I know she's right and I should try to get work exp), then she questioned if I'm getting any college letters (like how my sister got 40 thousand in her Junior year of high school). When I said no (excluding the ones that I had gotten from signing up on college mailing lists), she started talking about my GPA, finally saying "Well, it's not your sisters." I talked to my sister who I'm like best friends with about it, and now she's annoyed that mom would use her as a comparison to me, especially when we have such different career choices. (mine being video game designer and hers being a teacher and social scientist). Later, I mentioned that my friend (who hasn't got the best grades) was on the wait list for my school which is meant to be harder to get you ready for college. She asked if it was really a good idea, and when I said I could help him, she did her thing where she starts with "Well you..." and then tried to restart her sentence 4 times until saying that I have my own trouble with school.

While what she said is true, and I have a lot of issues with doing my homework, I'm pulling B's and A's in most of my classes and have not gotten below a C on a semester grade in my entire time in high school because I've found ways to survive while only giving 50%. My sister was pretty much the same as me, though she had much more of a drive to work than me, so she usually just got A's and B's with no trouble. I don't like that my mom is using my sister as a goal to reach when we are perusing very different things, and she doesn't seem to understand that, unlike my sister, I have to learn most of what I need to become a game designer outside of school on my own because my school doesn't have the money to offer courses in computer coding and whatnot. She's making me feel like I'm not trying hard enough because I don't hold any value in a school that isn't teaching me what I need to know for my careers path and I'm not as studious as my sister, yet I'm not getting a job to make up for that.

I don't really know what I'm looking for by posting this here, but I guess I'd love some advice on how to deal with this. The sudden blow to my self esteem is really ruining my day, and I would really like some advice on how to deal with family members you don't like to much, as well as what I could do to improve my current situation. That includes tactics to deal with school when you're not studious or committed, and whether I should be trying to get work experience now or work on learning what need to know for making video games.



TLDR; My mom said some stuff to me today that unintentionally made me feel like shit, which is a first. I don't really know how to deal with it, and I just want advice from other people who have strained relationships with family.

[Rainbowbulldog]

Well you could always talk with her about it but in my experience that would just create another problem. That could of course just be my family.

I absolutely hate my family. Just being around them starts to irritate me. On the off chance that they try to hurt my feelings it just makes me angrier. I just think about how they treat me and everything they've done (not that it's all been bad though) and it pretty much just distances me to point where I see them as annoying people I have to live with.

That probably doesn't help at all 

[HyenaKing]

My family has an interesting dynamic where half of it have this X-trait that gives them a certain personality traits.
And it's incredibly bad for family.

So I understand what it's like to be in a family like an earthquake.

[Sub-Zero Knight]

I know how you feel, actually. My dad has a habit of making me feel like crap. He was also abusive verbally to my mom and now to me, and he's quite mentally unstable.

My parents are divorced and I live with my mom, but really I wouldn't like living with either of them. My mom is too controlling, sometimes treats me like crap and gives me no freedom whatsoever, my dad is a monster....

I'd really just prefer to live alone, but sadly, I can't. *sigh*

[Lazzarus1501]

i have a slightly different situation because although my mom can irritate me (im also pretty sure she thinks i smoke weed) it is my stepdad that really makes me angry with just the things he expects and the way he talks to me this could be partly due to the fact that for most of middle school and all of elementary school i got straight A's and now i am in the same situation you are in with grades. i would suggest trying to not what your mom said faze you and to keep in mind that she doesn't have much moderation toward what she says( she is still in the wrong though) to help with the self esteem drop here some general things you can do that i have done (these may sound stupid but they do work) start working out and either dieting or building muscel mass. this is one of the things i did when i was feeling depressed and i found that when you feel like your in control of your health and body a lot of other things seem to fall under your control. Another thing is trying to look nice cloths wise and you need to do it for you and not for others. you can also teach someone something your good at this will not only show yourself that you are good for something you will also have given some one else that same worth. i wish i could help more but it seems although our situations and interests are similar, we are not. i tend to internelize most things and let them show. while you seem to wear emotions on your sleeves. so im sorry if the advice i gave on how to deal with the situation with your mom is hard to do. P.M. me if you want to talk more. (P.S. i told some of some my close friends recently that i was a fury and telling them really instilled confidence in me so you should try it too, but make sure you tell the right people because some people can be real jerks about it

[Epilogue]

My mom isn't a bad person, but we just don't see eye-to-eye because of how she pushed me to be absolutely perfect when I was younger. In my younger years I felt like I was more of a trophy than a daughter. Also, she hates my boyfriend, which kind of sucks too.

If she's experiencing side-affects from her medications, she probably doesn't mean what she said at all. I wouldn't take it too personally, but it would be helpful if you gently told her how you feel, possibly when she isn't having an emotional fit. If your mom needs help then you should be there supporting her however you can. Depression is hard enough as it is, I'm sure it's twice as hard having it while raising a kid.

[Firox]

The main family member I dislike the most is my mother.
5 days a week I rarely see her because of her work, the times I do get to see her she is always drinking alcohol, all day alcohol in hand. Getting to the point where I don't really want to talk with her or even be seen with her.

[Armalite_]

Your mom cares about you, she just doesn't express it the way you would like. Don't be so hard on her just because she wishes the best for you, there is only so much she can do for you that you need to begin to take care of yourself, like finishing school and working and I can tell she worries about it more with you than your sister. I'm assuming you're in high school, which is the time to prepare your grades for post-secondary education. Both are work and school are essential for your future regardless. If you are so good at coding and can develop, lauch, and distribute a title all on your own, then you probably dont even need college, but don't expect a job anywhere without a portfolio of your own work. If you're not at that level, finish high school with decent grades so you can apply to a school that DOES have programs you like later on. It doesn't have to be right after you graduate. 

Being a student myself, I learned you do not need to rush into college or university right away. Take a year or two after high school to learn, experience, and network on your own. I was in university before I even turned 18. I loved digital media and completed my BA after 4 years. I got a real job doing what I thought I loved and I hated it because I was always building someone else's dream and never my own. I started my own company and went back to school and now I'm learning a trade in Construction Engineering because I wanted 2 sources of income.  I've been building my own corporation since I quit my job with the help of a friend and a few investors I was lucky enough to talk into. I haven't spent a dime of my own money and I direct a company with a net worth of $800,000 and growing.

Working sounds boring and it sucks but simply put, that's life. I worked a lot of bad jobs until I made working better by working somewhere that I liked, at the movie theater. Watched so many free movies and made so many friends there I can't remember it all but I remember the values I learned there to socialize with strangers, take initative and help where you can, and love what you do at work. Even when I mopped the floor, I was the best floor mop guy they'd ever seen. I took pride in what I finish and I always finish what needed to be finished but I NEVER let them take advantage of that. One day we got a new manager and he started firing people for simply talking to co-workers while on the clock. It was time to leave. I work for people who respect me and my team, not for regimes with negative vision.

Your sister is not you, comparison is the thief of joy and eternal satisfaction of who you are, what you have, and what you can be given. You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family. They are the one's who will still be there for you when nobody else is. Dedicate everything you do to yourself and make yourself proud with what you amaze yourself with. You will never fail.