Non-Furry Poems and Songs

[L. Jay Echoes]

Some of these will involve animals, but for the most part, they are not from the point of a view of a sapient animal living in a facsimile of human culture. That is what, for me, distinctifies furryism.

No, these will largely not even be taking place in a fantasy setting. For the most part, they are either written using other poems as templates or to fit the melody of a song I wrote. They're largely inspired by They Might Be Giants, Lemony Snicket, and Alice in Wonderland. Enjoy!

[L. Jay Echoes]

Modeled After Lewis Carroll's "The Mad Gardener's Song"

She thought she saw a telephone
That pledged a fossil drive
She looked again, and found it was
A smashed-up hornet hive
"I dread to think," she said, "the residents
"Are still alive!"

She thought she saw a daffodil
That played a violin
She looked again, and found it was
A poison dart-toad fin
"The man who misses this," she said,
"Is one who cannot win!"

She thought she saw her dream come true
Complete with butterscotch
She looked again, and found it was
A footman off his watch
"It's back to work with you," she said,
"Before I kick your crotch!"

She thought she saw a kidney stone
Cajoling on the roof
She looked again, and found it was
A purple pony's hoof
"I can't move it myself," she said,
"I'll need a hungry wolf!"

She thought she saw a microwave
A-hangin' upside down
She looked again, and found it was
A cozy little town
"It's so granduer," she said, "I'll go
"Outside in my night gown!"

She thought she saw a barbeque
With calliflour meat
She looked again, and found it was
A taco incomplete
"Though some may spit it out," she said,
"I think it rather sweet!"

She thought she saw a tea kettle
With most malevolent steam
She looked again, and found it was
A communist regime
"I'll keep my wealth," she gruffly said,
"Stingy as it may seem."

She thought she saw a wheelbarrow
Carrying lots and lots
She looked again, and found it was
A bulb of 7 watts
"What trickery!" she said, "These wretched
"Advertising plots!"

She thought she saw a novelist
With whom she had been schooled
She looked again, and found it was
A grizzly bear who drooled
Alas," she said, "It is the truth; My eyes
"Cannot be fooled!"

[L. Jay Echoes]

I came into view, and the pup's head quickly turning
Brought about companionship of choice.
A woman and pup were sidewalk venturing;

I came into view, and the pup's head quickly turning,
Watching me through downtrodden eyes of intense yearning,
Made no unnaturalistic noise.

I came into view, and the pup's head quickly turning
Made me an acquaintance, but I stayed my voice.

[L. Jay Echoes]

At a carnival in West Kentucky,
Grown mouths were crusted with doughnut frosting,
Lower lips coated in saliva. While I was
Eating up the fair, a killjoy came
To mind, reminding me of the
Many ingredients of carney
Food, turning the glazed confections
From necessity to gratuity.
I, as much as I do today,
Despised and detested resolution,
Down to the very last ounce of it
With every last one of my own five thousand ounces.
So, polishing the frost from my lips
With the trusty slate of my wrist,
I offered my killjoy a doughnut.

[L. Jay Echoes]

"If you have a heart
then Gumby's a part of you."

~The Gumby Show Theme Song Lyrics

With me in my inconspicuous turquoise gown,
No one’s going to guess me out.
Camouflaged by its lusterless uniform one-piece,
No one’s going to double-take.
If this town were a giant eyeball,
It would be missing its optic cord;
I've got speed.

I'm looking at a pack of cigarettes and seven tens in my future,
So no one's going to guess my plan.
In a treasure cove of slackers who look the other way,
No one's going to trip me up.
Where there is an age-limit to employment,
There is a stack of green whose destination is my pocket;
I've got philosophy.

Behind a mask of artificial clay anatomy,
No one's going to misestimate.
There's a thwart-device in my pocket,
So no one's going to disobey.
Unless you invest in my will-power,
I will invest in your demise;
I've got charisma.

Upon a scornful, jeering floor,
No one's going to give back.
Inside a circus of reject,
No one's going to call the cops
He who decamps his post empty-handed,
Comes back home empty-handed.
I've got elusion.

[L. Jay Echoes]

My grandfather stayed at the French Retreat,
Where no staff or faculty knew defeat.
So when his three dogs, Jet, Phoenix, and Gypsy,
Came along for a ride, things got rather sticky.
They hid in the lunch room until the week was complete,
And began the doom of the French Retreat.
My grandfather stayed at the French Retreat,
Where some of the staff had witnessed defeat.
The sausages had vanished; Jet, Phoenix, and Gypsy
kept candid, so the solution was trippy.
Since the chefs only knew no plate's meal was complete,
They thought paranormal the French Retreat.
My grandfather stayed at the French Retreat,
Where many a staffer saw the approach of defeat
Food supply was in shortage. Jet, Phoenix, and Gypsy
Grew poly, so hiding became rather tricky.
Without culinary service, no camp is complete;
The cooking staff fled the French Retreat.
My grandfather stayed at the French Retreat,
Where every employee suffered defeat
At the hands of three heroes: Jet, Phoenix, and Gypsy,
Whose voracious tyranny shamed Mississippi.
So when the camp’s life span was complete,
The dogs left their ghostly mark on the French Retreat.

[L. Jay Echoes]

A black, invasive, implacable net,
Seen tightly wrapped around the parapet,
Is looming large around the neighborhood,
And in its mind can be found nothing good.
Is this the environment we fought to save,
For whom so much sweat and blood we gave?
Yet there remains some things no vine may choke.
When fell victim my wedding ring, tentacles broke
Their grasp; At last! A bond so mighty,
So certain to help us in the fight, we
Summoned all wedded couples in town,
Man in tuxedo, wife in wedding gown.
Now, hands extended, calling forth the plant,
We all await our humble prayers to grant

[L. Jay Echoes]

She turned her head toward the noise
And chaos of the nursery room,
Contorting her matron features,
In a way we would never have imagined.
We heard gentle but lickety footsteps
And halted for the face of a Renaissance painting
That we had known since birth.
Instead, we were incinerated
With the microwaved fury of all of our parents and grandparents
Compressed into the eyes of mother.
She then checked herself in a mirror as she passed by,
Saw Margaret Thatcher staring back,
And smiled.

[L. Jay Echoes]

(Meant to be sung to the tune of the Tiny Toon Adventures theme song

We're brawly, we're brutal,
Resistance is futile,
We'll whack you on the noodle
Once we leave the TV screen

We advocate violence!
The parents all go silent,
But don't go sound your siren,
We're still comparatively clean.

Now, each show is loaded with some cursing, sex, and gore
We can't believe you didn't see the humor there before!

Completely uncensored,
We hope your morale's insured;
We're Brawly Brute Adventures c'rupting minds galore!