the beginning of one of my stories please coment X)

[foxxxy]

kind of a mind f**k

Sleep has never come easy for him. His mind wanders and fear returns to invade his peaceful thoughts. He is afraid of everything, everyone, and who would blame him, he has been through hell, and hell was only the beginning. God has abandoned him and now, sleep finally taking him back, he sees the dream that we all live in for what it is, a sanctuary from our subconscious that claims us, mind and soul.
   He wakes up in a purple garden. His eyes can’t focus, as if the flowers were made of black light. He looks up, to see that they have been waiting for him, the flying things, the unholy bats with faces on their wings that scream at him to wake and return to the dream, but he can’t, no matter what he does he can’t. He looks back into the black meadow to see the flowers turning to him, red light forming in their blooming eyes, they are watching him, studying him, making sure that he is always watched, always followed, and always an inhabitant of an inescapable nightmare.



very influenced by HP love, and Stephen king
PLEASE COMMENT  :upupdi3:

No avoiding the filters or using innapropriate language please.
~Gothchylde

[Dr. Strange]

its very good but very confusing. develope it the details so your readers can see it, can witness it in their dreams. Like:

instead of the boy ran inot the woods, use: The tall young man with golden hair flapping in the breeze ran into the darkening forest.

[Mr. Meerkat]

yeah nice work

[XXxMaximuMXXx]

very very good, i would like to know the background of the story though