The Hammacher Schlemmer Catalog

[¿ Jesse Pawman ?]

Here is a list of stupid things I see in this stupid catalog.

The World's Smallest Humanoid Robot
The Only Stainless Steel Wallet
The Desktop USB Missile Launcher
The Animated Singing and Talking Elvis
The Genuine Irish Argyle Cardigan.
The Gentle Return Inversion Machine: This thing literally tips you upside down and stretches you apart.
The Genuine Scottish Practice Bagpipes
The Pop Up Hot Dog Cooker
The Only Widescreen Personal Movie Theater
The Indoor Dog Restroom
The Palm Sized DVD Player
The Bridge Enthusiast's Portable Game
The Star Wars Lightsabers
The Nutcracker Music Box
The Remote Controlled Upright Pinball Game
The Finger Drum Mousepad
The Authentic Scottish Practice Chanter
The Spring Loaded Women's Sandals
The Complete Shakespeare Plays Audio Collection
The Classic Donegal Tweed Patchwork Cap
The Rotating Oversized Scrabble Game
The New York Public Library Reading Lamp
The History Of the World In Photographs
The Star Wars Battleship Game
The Fish Finding Watch
The Talking 14 Language Portable Translator
The Personalized WHAC A MOLE Game: You get this disguised as a wine bar but when you open it up, WHAC A MOLE!
The Roll Up Drum Kit
The H.M.S. Beagle Stormglass: this thing supposedly predicts the weather. There's something else called the weather channel
The "Keep Your Distance" Bug Vacuum
The Gentlemen's Superior Toiletry Bag
The Mongolian Camel Hear Sweater
The Women's Washable Cashmere Activewear Set: this thing is a hoodie and sweatpants for 400 bucks!
The Laser Guided Pool Cue
The Remote Controlled Tarantula
The 40 Foot Marshmallow Blaster
The Carnival Duck Shooting Game
The USB Remote Controlled Race Car
The Crushable Leather hat
The Golf Ball Finding Glasses
The Full Bottle Wine Glass: this thing holds an entire bottle of wine! An alcoholic's dream
The Turkish Shower Wraps: but hey. the dude in the picture is hot
The Floor To Ceiling Shoe Rack
The Only Ultraviolet Dental Cleaner and Sanitizer
The Sleep Improving Pillow Wedge
The Trouser Trolley: the name simply got me
The Best Electronic Pants Presser
The Ultrasonic Eyeglasses Cleaner
The Best Nose Hair Trimmer
The Germ Eliminating Knife Block
The Museum Precious Metals Cleaning Plate
The Easy To Read Digital Scale
The Core Muscle Balance Board Trainer
The Talking Pet Bowl
The Personal Towel Warmer
The Men's Extended Reach Body Hair Groomer: cuz your back hair hasn't been brushed in a while
The Only Washable Silk Blanket
The Double Buffer Shoe Polisher
The Five Axis Mechanical Core Muscle Trainer
The 117 Bottle Wine Storage Rack
The Portable Gel Seat
The Trapdoor Toaster
The Upside Down Tomato Garden
The iPod Controlling Ski Gloves
The First Remote Controlled Hydrogen Powered Car
The One Gallon Hip Flask
The Robotic Pugilists
The Animatronic Roommate: someone who can't get a life orders one of these
The Tighter Grip Money Clip


I swear they don't have a product that does not start with a definite article.

[PhantomStone]

holy flip, who would want a stainless steel wallet, or a rpg desk top

[Somebody]

Lol there are some good ones in there

Upside down Tomato garden and Ipod controlling ski gloves...

[Blackout]

Dude, you can't live without 40-foot marshmallow blasters.

[Manual_automation]

HEY! that stuff is FRIKIN cool!!! (okay, MOST of it is)

[XXLordXXInuyashaXX]

I have the Starwars battleship thing. Darn hard to find out what the heck to do with it

[PhantomStone]

some stuff is cool, but some really isn't (imo) like The Authentic Scottish Practice Chanter i don't know what that even is

[¿ Jesse Pawman ?]

it's a small set of bag pipes.