What to do, what to do.

[Goblin Cat 😸]

Here lately my own inadequacy has been getting the best of me.. I feel like I'm not going anywhere though I'm clearly doing work. I'm clearly uncertain if I really want to continue my work. It's killing me. I have a hard time doing things for myself because of it. I feel like a mere husk of what once was because I can't and don't have the time to express myself as I was once able to freely do. Honestly, I don't know why I'm doing it. I don't feel as if I'm doing it for myself anymore. I do it because I'm told it's right. Because I'm told I'll go far, and it makes those I love proud of me.. Though I don't seem to feel their warmth on the subject. I felt like I was doing something right once.. And now it seems to have consumed me to the point where I hate it. I hate it so much. It gets between things I enjoy far too often. I don't get to see my loved one.. I don't sleep. Stress is upping itself and I feel like I'm falling back into depression. Sometimes I feel I should be worried that I don't care about anything it seems now, but the feelings fade. They are brief, and then it doesn't cross my mind again. I get frustrated like I am now. But in five minutes, I won't care. And everything will be gray again. I'll put on a mask and head out as if nothing is wrong. Though, it clearly is. I feel as if my emotions are just fizzling out and I know it's not healthy. Maybe I'll consider seeing a therapist and he can do something to fix me. All I know now is that I'm broken. And I don't much care beyond the small moments of clarity that I have like now.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Sounds like almost textbook depression, go to a therapist, dont expect it to work, frankly this is your battle and you have to get to a point where you realise that the only thing that matters is your own happiness with yourself. There's also the need to understand your predicament carefully. If work is destroying you, then fix that. If the opinions of others control you then fix that. Just identify what's wrong with your life (and only your life) and fix it either through external effort or internal alterations that create an understanding, an acceptance and a coping strategy.

sadly getting to that point cannot be helped or guided to by me or anyone else. It's all you since you're the only one in full comprehension of yourself.

[WingedZephyr]

I assume you're talking about school?

It certainly sucks, and it's definitely not easy. I have a lot of the same issues dealing with it all. But, when I look at the big picture, I tell myself it isn't really worth fretting about. The time goes by very quickly, even more so as you progress, and you end up being done before you know it. I think a relatively short period of time suffering through it is worth it if it ends up making the rest of my life better.

I really miss some of the stuff I used to do before I was overwhelmed with schoolwork, but I know it won't be for very long... And it only makes it that much more enjoyable whenever I do manage to have the time and energy to do something I like again. A lot of relief.