A story I'm working on.

[Srgntcuddles]

Eh...I've been writting a novel, kinda...Two actually. A third which has had no work done on it but it's a good idea I would think. Anyway...This is the prologue for one of the two I'm working on. Currently it's unnamed, I've narrowed it down to a few...Wolf King, Silvar moon or Wolf Haven. In a nutshell the main character's father, the current werewolf king, was murdered. He was a benevolant King so he was fair, and now he's out of the way a tyrant took over. The main character is human but with werewolf blood, his father was a werewolf who had a human wife. The main character is trying to get his rightful place as King. Anyway...I'm rambling, heres the Prologue. Enjoy, I wouldn't mind feed back.

PROLOGUE

It was many years ago the first werewolf sighting was recorded. At that time the sightings were just sightings. No one believed what was in the papers, it was disregarded, said to be rabid dogs or wolves strayed too far into town. Over the years the sightings turned into killings, the world now acknowledged the new race that was stalking them…The werewolves. Through the years the killings turned to mass murders, mass murders to genocide, genocide to extinction. By the late 50’s a highly trained government force was created to combat this rapidly growing threat. Originated in the U.S. and founded by a Richard K. Darl this organization fittingly known as the “Hunters” spread across the globe. Many countries developed their own organizations to combat this threat, but most failed.

By 1963 the Hunters had a few thousand troops, the organization was getting larger quickly, but not quickly enough. It was 1964 when “The Moonlight Massacre” had taken place. The werewolves showed for the first time a higher intelligence, they had begun to form massive tribes amongst themselves. One of which invaded a military base in D.C. Only a hand full of soldiers escaped with their lives on that fateful night. 1,736 people were killed under a full moon. The soldiers never had a chance, their weaponry couldn’t pierce a werewolf’s skin. The only solid method of killing these creatures was to capture, behead, then incinerate them.

It was in 1966 that a new found weapon against werewolves was discovered; silver. Silver seemed to pierce their skin. The man who discovered this, Steffen Hardt, was attacked at his home by one of the werewolves when he used his pure silver ceremonial saber to defend himself. He managed to kill the beast, sealing their fate. In 1969 the first bullet manufactured with silver was crafted. But it wasn’t entirely silver, this early design was only 3.56 percent silver. None the less it was their best way to thwart this growing threat. Darl, founder of Hunters seized the market of a large portion of the world’s silver, manufacturing their own bullets for his organization.

In the early 70’s around thirty-five of the world’s population was had been turned into werewolves. The werewolves not only devoured their victims, but transformed them. By 1974 Hunters had improved the silver bullet, giving it 11.79 percent silver. The U.S. had the best silver bullets of the world and used it to profit from. By either selling the ammo for outrageous prices or offering mercenary services across the globe. The Hunters with their newly improved bullets lead a massive 250 man assault on a completely werewolf dominated city. Housing an estimated 2,300 werewolves. This was the first major victory over the werewolf population, the world was in awe.

But this only forced the werewolves to evolve, adapt to the new world and survive. By 1979 the werewolf population had increased to forty-two percent. On April 14th 1979 the first reports of werewolves being able to take an animal form came in. A woman took home a stray and during the night it turned into a werewolf, killing her husband and kids. After that news had spread the world began to shun the canine species, “Man’s best friend” became an outcast to almost everyone. The few who refused to turn on their canine companions were chastised, beaten and arrested or sometimes killed by their own stupidity.

Werewolves soon turned the majority of non-werewolf canines into werewolves, boosting their population by roughly two percent. On June 8 1980 Hunters had launched a satellite with equipment on it that could lock into the DNA of werewolves which could tell where large collections of them were at on the globe. It was a few days later they finally saw how their world was changing. Almost half of the worlds population were werewolves. In 1982 a Doctor Dwight L. Friggs, a top scientist working for the Hunters had developed a method of creating super soldiers to aid in fighting the werewolves using their own DNA. Through trial and error over a six month span he finally managed to perfect it. The first human with werewolf powers and traits was created. This new soldier was sent into a town of werewolves to test it’s abilities, it was a major success.




These super soldiers began to grow into a great number. In 1984 Hunters had secret facilities all over the United States, five in total, one of which was made for research and the production of the super soldiers. Willing test subjects were in high demand, so they used hardened criminals to turn into super soldiers. This plan had worked until February 18 1987 Hunters had developed an end all super weapon, only select few knew about it. Surprisingly to them their super soldiers had led a coup de tat, they decided they didn’t need to take orders any longer. They destroyed this rumored super weapon and the research facility and a new breed of werewolves was now on the loose.

By the early 90’s the new breed of werewolves had spread through their abilities to most of the werewolf populace.  Half of the werewolf population was now able to return to their human forms. This spelled disaster for the world. With this new found ability the werewolves created more advanced societies amongst themselves. By 1997 the world was fifty-three percent werewolf, an uncountable number of werewolf gangs and tribes were founded. They lived in human cities, some just living day to day life with a dark secret, most continuing their killing sprees infecting the world. A vast majority of the werewolves without the ability to turn human formed a massive clan, dubbed “Ferals” by the Hunters.

Hunters killed any werewolf but focused on this particular group, considering the rest of the population were blending in with normal people. In the year 2000 Hunters had built three more facilities bringing the total to seven. Three were research and development facilities, one of their inventions had become standard equipment in police forces throughout the world. It was a radar that picked up on the DNA of werewolves. They were called “Wolftrackers”, “WT’s” for short. The early models could be attached to most vehicle dash boards and had a 150 yard range. Soon they evolved into more precise instruments, small handheld scanning devices. In the year 2004 Hunters had invented a WT that could be attached to a satellite and scan the globe. So they launched another satellite capable of pinpointing werewolves out.

A small and highly intelligent group of werewolves formed an organization which hacked into this satellite and used it for the werewolf population. It was a peaceful group that formed somewhat of a werewolf radio station, broadcasting news and announcements and such. Soon a werewolf classification system was devised, according to individual werewolf power levels. Werewolves contained a unique cell in their bodies, it was their way of knowing how strong each of them were. The highest power level ever recorded on a single werewolf was found on July 20 2005, Hunters moved in on it. A force of 70 troops were sent into eliminate this threat. All but one had died, this single person that had escaped was to send a message; This werewolf was “King”.

The King was the most wanted prize of Hunters, bringing him down would be their biggest victory ever. But like any king, he was untouchable in his kingdom. This kingdom of his contained over half of the evolved werewolves in the U.S. Before the Hunters could mass a large enough force to take the King down he had moved, his location was masked by technology invented by the werewolves to hide their power levels. Rendering them invisible to the satellites and scanners everywhere. The King used this technology to mask his newly found home from the world. For the most part only his family and personal guards knew of this location. By the year 2007 the silver bullet had been improved tremendously, it now contained 47.19 percent silver.

It was the year 2012 when the werewolf society was devastated. The King had been assassinated and the his family murdered. The captain of the late King’s personal guard had betrayed him for the thrown. The King’s son would have been next in line but he was declared dead though his body was never found. The benevolent King of old was no more, the new King was crowned two weeks after the incident and inherited the kingdom to do with what he wanted. And what he wanted was to control the world.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

(DISCLAIMER:: I was really hungry when writing this, so if I seem overly harsh, then I apologise, but my points still stand.)


Ok, it's written generally well, nothing major jumping out in terms of technique. There's a few mistakes but nothing big.

The problems I find are purely with the statistics, the ideas, the facts you're throwing out there. It doesn't make sense.

Here's the notes I made.

Sentences could be cut down.

the sightings were just sightings

totally unnecessary and sounds bad.

wolves strayed

Straying

killings

deaths, murders, fatalities, corpses. Anything but killings. Killings sounds silly.

killings turned to mass murders, mass murders to genocide, genocide to extinction

Extinction is a final moment. using that word makes it sound like every human is dead. Genocide is the road to extinction, we haven't reached extinction yet.

By the late 50’s a highly trained government force was created to combat this rapidly growing threat.

They would have started research the moment the "killings" started. At mass murders, this organisation would be made. They wouldn't wait for genocide levels of danger.

In 1969 the first bullet manufactured with silver was crafted.

It took them three years to make a bullet with the tiniest bit of silver?

Darl, founder of Hunters seized the market of a large portion of the world’s silver, manufacturing their own bullets for his organization.

How? normally in times of total war, the industries either sell the stuff over or are taken over by the government, world war II style. One guy monopolising the market from nothing in just a few years is absurd.

thirty-five of the world’s population was had been turned into werewolves. The werewolves not only devoured their victims, but transformed them. By 1974 Hunters had improved the silver bullet, giving it 11.79 percent silver.

So, 1.75 BILLION people are now werewolves, and the US seems to be taking its sweet time with research.

a massive 250 man assault

Did they bring anything else with them? Planes? Tanks? Bombs? APCs? Surely a high explosive would have a substantial effect on anything.

This was the first major victory over the werewolf population, the world was in awe.

It took over 15 years and at least 2 billion lives for this. Which is strange considering the weakness is so simple and was discovered eight years previously.

On June 8 1980 Hunters had launched a satellite with equipment on it that could lock into the DNA of werewolves which could tell where large collections of them were at on the globe.

would they really need this? Simple reports from around the world would have sufficed.

The first human with werewolf powers and traits was created. This new soldier was sent into a town of werewolves to test it’s abilities, it was a major success.

Surely this one soldier would only be as powerful as one werewolf. Sending it into a town of werewolves, even with silver bullets is suicide unless this guy was highly highly trained, and even then success would fall to his training rather than his powers.

they used hardened criminals to turn into super soldiers. This plan had worked until February 18 1987 Hunters had developed an end all super weapon, only select few knew about it. Surprisingly to them their super soldiers had led a coup de tat, they decided they didn’t need to take orders any longer. They destroyed this rumored super weapon and the research facility and a new breed of werewolves was now on the loose

Ok this doesn't make sense. Firstly, did they run out of soldiers that quickly? Surely conscription would be in place so there's no need to take in the hardest of criminals unless it were absolutely necessary, and if they do use criminals, Why did these new soldiers revolt? It couldn't have been because they were hardened criminals because there are plenty of criminals and psychos in the armed forces already, and they generally don't revolt. If it's because they were werewolves, well why didn't the early ones defect then?

By the early 90’s the new breed of werewolves had spread through their abilities to most of the werewolf populace.

how?

By 1997 the world was fifty-three percent werewolf

It took 17 years to go from fifty percent werewolf, to fifty three percent? It had taken ten years to go from thirty-five percent to fifty. This kind of viral spreading is supposed to be exponential.

They lived in human cities, some just living day to day life with a dark secret

why?

A small and highly intelligent group of werewolves formed an organization which hacked into this satellite and used it for the werewolf population. It was a peaceful group that formed somewhat of a werewolf radio station, broadcasting news and announcements and such

wait wait wait. They hack into the most high tech, highest encryption, most advanced technology in the world... and make a radio station? Why not hack into any other satellite, or better yet, just make a pirate radio station without any need for hacking anything. Also, they are the majority of the world, why have they not taken over yet? why are they still hiding? They can use guns and explosives too, plus they have super powers. Why aren't they doing anything?

By the year 2007 the silver bullet had been improved tremendously, it now contained 47.19 percent silver.

I'm no bullet expert, but why not just make it all out of silver? If it's to keep the strength of the bullet, well then silver would not be needed. There are other metals which are much stronger. If silver is somehow poisonous or whatever to them, then you don't need a strong bullet. why not make it all out of silver? If it's due to the cost of silver, then why use so much in one bullet?

It was the year 2012 when the werewolf society was devastated.

well, not really devastated. The population is still fine (though apparently stopped growing,) and the new king doesn't seem like he'll be bad for the werewolf society since there's no mention that the old king did anything except be strong and hide a lot. the werewolves will be better off with someone more proactive.




It's a good idea, but the execution just doesn't make sense.

[Srgntcuddles]

It's still a work in progress, I was just getting the basic idea out there to see what people thought. And you've given me a lot to work on...Haha.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Oh yeah and when billions are dying in an all out war, it's time to haul out the nukes.

[Srgntcuddles]

Which is the reason for that "End all weapon"

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

yeah but... they already have nukes.