walker of worlds (a novel im writing)

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

The night had turned bitter cold as Kitt slowly made his way home from the university he stuffed his hands into his jacket pocket and turned up the volume on his mp3 player listening to Rob Zombies scum of the earth, his thoughts slowly turning to the art project he had drawn just before the art class had ended. A student had paid him to draw an anthropomorphic creature to represent him online, and he had paid pretty well too, but for the most part it left Kitt wondering why the hell anyone would want to masquerade as an animal instead of being themselves. Looking up he noticed that the clouds had covered the moon and it looked like it was going to snow just as a bolt as lightning flashed overhead.

"Well that's weird..." Kitt mused to himself "We don't get lightning storms this late in the year." Quickening his steps he burst into a dead run to beat the storm home covering the two and a half miles in about fifteen minutes stepping through the door of his apartment just as the storm hit. "Whew that was close"

Looking up from the couch Jake tossed a pillow at Kitt, who knocked it out of the air without breaking stride on his way to the kitchen to get dinner then go to bed. "Hey Jake, I wouldn't go out tonight there's a freak storm out there probably blow your light tail end away then id be pretty bored."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you smart aleck. Just shut up for an hour or so I'm trying to finish my mov." Jake dropped off what he was saying as the lights cut out "Ah crap! Guess not looks like your having cold turkey right?"

"No I got the pork chops before the power cut so i guess I'm good to go glad i got the place with the gas stove now; where’s the stuffing?" Kitt then proceeded to rummage around the kitchen for the stuffing just after he lit the stove and put a pan of water on to boil.

After getting dinner Kitt played a couple games of poker against Jake winning three hundred dollars and losing twenty then went to bed about an hour after falling asleep the apartment was hit with lightning.



Waking up Kitt looked around he felt like all hell had busted loose inside his skull. Standing up, he promptly fell on his butt, something didn't feel right, looking down at his feet he started to yell.

"What the hell is this!" looking at his hands he noticed they looked close to normal other than the fact that they were covered in black fur that went up his arms to the elbows then changed into orange fur. Getting back up and balancing His self on his toes like he did in martial arts he ran over to the mirror. Looking back at him was a fox with black ears, long red hair, and black fur from elbow to finger tip and from the knee down white mask that went down to his chest as well. Staring at the reflection he looked it over thinking to himself that the pork chop he had eaten might have been bad and was giving him nightmares. Turning away from the mirror and walking out the door, shutting it behind him he stifled a yell as the door slammed on his tail. Starting to panic Kitt made his way down the stairs as a couple of small animals ran past him looking behind him he realized that the small "animals" were actually kids, one a Snow leopard the other a Grey Fox. As he reached the bottom of the stairs he was confronted by a rather large snow leopard who he assumed was the father of the child that had run past him.

"Margret he’s awake!" Nearly jumping out of his skin as the guy yelled, then jumping again as a slender hand grabbed his shoulder.

"He looks a bit jumpy Rob," grabbing Kitt by the hand she hauled him into the living room and set him down on the couch, "Now then, what’s your name dear?"

"Kitt, um Margret right? Could you tell me where I am?"

"Sure dear, you’re in Everwood."

"Everwood? I've never heard of it." a look of pure confusion passed over Kitt's face as he thought about this.

"Yes Everwood boy, now where are you from and why were you outside in the storm last night, naked, with nothing but a large bag filled with drawing supplies?"

"Rob, be nice can’t you see that he’s confused?"

"No, no its alright I’m from a city called Orem and as for why I would be out side in a storm naked; I don't know all I know is that I woke up here looking like a fox."

"Looking like?"

"Yes looking like. You see I’m a human..."

"Yeah. right."

"And to tell the truth anything that looks like I do at the moment or you guys for that matter is either a drawing computer animation or some one in a suit."

"Kitt that's absurd, we've always looked like this. and what did you look like before?" Just then there was a loud crash from the room that Kitt had woken up in followed by the sound of one of the kids yelling "If you don't put back the pencils I’m telling mom!"

"Kitt you may want to go get your things from our kids, they are a very curious sort if you get what i mean."

"Alright thanks," standing up he managed to get across the room then fell flat on his face, "Looks like i need to get used to this body. Damn." Carefully making his way up the stairs he walked into the room to see the two kids from earlier rummaging through his sketch book, upon seeing Kitt standing in the door way they dropped the book and ran down stairs worried that he was going to be mad at them.

Sighing as he walked over to pick up the few things they had gotten out he glanced at the sketch book and stopped, it was opened to the page that he had most recently drawn it was a picture of a red fox standing next to him when he looked human and not a fox like he was now but a fox from his world sighing he sat down on the bed and taking up a pencil he started to draw his reflection then next to it he drew himself as he looked before he woke up. Walking over to his bag he put his pencils inside and dug out his mp3 player turned it on and put the ear buds in thankful that he used the buds instead of normal headphones because the others would not work for him now as youth of the nation started playing. Looking to the bed he noticed a tunic and cloak laying on the bed with a note pinned to them saying when he was done getting dressed to come down and eat.


Shrugging into the tunic, then tied the cloak on as he made his way back down the stairs and into the kitchen following the smell of hash browns, sausage, eggs, and toast.

"Kitt, Robs going to take you to the mage to see what we can do for you and also see if you were telling the truth about being a human cause as you said about us earlier humans are myths to us. And you look like a healthy young fox to us."

"Its alright I understand. Wait, did you say mage?"

"Yes."

"Like make you turn into something else true magic mage?"

"Yes."

"Cool they don't even have magic in the world I come from! Let’s go Rob!"

"Not until you eat first Kitt! Now sit down and eat your skin and bones under that fluffy coat of yours!"

"Coat? I’m not wearing a coat."

Margret let loose a long winded sigh. "Your fur dear, you have a coat of fur."

"Oh." Some what embarrassed Kitt sat down and started to eat the heaping plate of food stuck under his nose noticing that it took away most of the head ache he had.


"Kitt, I don't care if your excited or not, sit down!" Rob looked over from where he was sitting to eye the newly transformed fox.

"Sorry Rob, I just want to get home and back to normal. You've seen my drawings you know what I looked like."

"Doesn't mean that I believe you were a human to begin with, but as I said before if that is true you look much better now than you did then."

Kitt, looking back on the trip to the mages hut had marveled at all of the different furries he had seen about most of the carried swords and dressed in whatever they found the most comfortable. It had been a barrage of color sights sounds and smells. as a matter of fact he loved the heightened senses that he had developed as a result of turning into a fox and had on the way over learned the balance that he needed to walk and run properly on two legs but had earned a disgusted look from Rob by doing so.

After Kitt learned to move correctly he showed rob the drawings Rob had looked at them saying that he could draw well but he needed better taste he only seemed to like the last one that Kitt had drawn that morning of his reflection. Shaking off the memories he focused on what was happening around him at the moment just in time to realize that the mage had walked in and was talking to Rob.

"Rob this is an odd young man you've brought in, feels odd energy wise."

"Matt if you think he feels odd wait till he tells you what he was, before he became a fox."

"And that would be?"

"I am a human."

"A human? Couldn't be that's a creature of myths!"

"Well that's what he says, and I couldn't tell you why he was in the storm last night, naked, and on my porch passed out Matt."

"Oh speaking of the storm last night, it was not a normal one Rob I made it. I was trying to open a portal to another world but I failed, the storm was the result of that."

"Wait what? You caused that storm?"

"Yes I did, Kitt wasn't it?"

"Yeah, I out ran the thing on my way home from school last night."

"One second please." Matt began chanting and a light mist fell over Kitt as he stood there in amazement. Then with an abrupt suddenness sent a jolt through him; revealing his birth form.

"Ha ha!! Yes I'm human again!" as he jumped the enchantment disengaged and he became a fox once more. "What the hell! NO! Turn me back!"

"I'm sorry I can’t do that Kitt. It seems that when you came through the portal last night that it changed you from a human to your current form I'm sorry but there's nothing anyone can do to change you back except maybe send you back to your world."

"Then do it!"

"But there's a slight catch, you see you kind of have to learn how to live like this first seeing as how it will take me some time to re-open a stable portal. That means you will have to attend to your art studies here."


"Wait, how did you know I study art?"

"I'm a mage remember."

"Oh."

"Meet me here tomorrow morning, we'll start teaching you our ways as well as your studies so you'll need to go observe the town for a while I was trying to get something through that portal but I wasn't expecting it to work. well after the storm broke loose that is."

"Alright Matt, I guess I'm taking him back to my place?"

"If you would please that would help a lot till we can get him his own place. that and being around your family should help to get him settled in."

"Come on Kitt Margret is probably waiting for us at home, with lunch ready." Kitt's ears perked up at the mention of food he hadn't eaten like that since he had moved out of his parents place, and Margret was a really good cook as well. Grabbing his hand bag Kitt turned to follow Rob out the door and was called back just before he had made it outside.

"Kitt, could I barrow your sketch book please?"

"Sure, what do you need it for?"

"Well I'm hoping that by studying your drawings that I can pinpoint a place to open a portal back but it will take a while."

"No problem!" after handing Matt the drawings he took off at a dead run after Rob to catch up to him before he went to far, although Kitt was sure that he could find Rob by smell alone now he did not want to chance it.

As Kitt caught up to Rob he started to look around the town for the first time not just looking around but truly seeing it. There were shops all along the streets in this part of town. Seeing a Tailor and Armory Kitt turned to Rob.

"Hey Rob?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering if we could stop and get some cloths before we head back because well your cloths are kind of big and well, I just don't feel right about wearing your clothes. Also I feel kind of defenseless with most people carrying swords and knives around."

"And how are you going to pay for them?"

"Well I was hoping you would buy them for me and I could work them off. Seeing as how it looks like I’m not going anywhere for a while. So I should have ample time to work of my debt to you."

"Tell you what Kitt. I've seen your art. If you'll paint a portrait of me and my family we'll call it good."

"No problem Rob I'd be happy to!" Rob set his hand on Kitt's shoulder and guided him to the armory first.

"We need to get to know what weapons you prefer have you ever used a sword?"

"Yeah but I would rather have a set of fighting knives there's a movie where I come from called the Chronicles of Riddick he has a set of knives that look like this, two of them to be exact." Kitt drew them real quick so that Rob could see them and the appropriate measures for them. Rob then took them to the artificer to have them forged. After that he guided Kitt to the tailors to be fitted for cloths of various styles as well as a couple of traveling cloaks.

After the cloths were made and Kitt had changed into a pair, the two sopped back in to the artificers and picked up the fighting knives, made to perfection and sheaths belted over the bright red tunic that Kitt now wore.

"Thank you Rob you don't know how much this means to me. As long as I’m around if you or anyone in your family needs help if I can help I will."

Rob continued down the road to the house and his family feeling better about the odd fox than he had first thought and to think he was telling the truth! He felt kind of bad for him though he could just imagine waking up in a strange world with his form changed in fact Kitt had handled it a lot better than he ever would have. And having an extra set of hands to help around the house would be nice as well.


Latter that evening, Kitt, Margret, Rob, and the two kids sat in the family room, Kitt painting a portrait of the family to pay for the expenses of his new cloths and knives. Even though he was happy that he had the luck to run into such a nice family, he was depressed about the change in form that had taken place. Finishing the painting Kitt had Rob and Margret come to look and see if they liked it.



"Kitt, dear, it’s beautiful." Margret beamed at the sight of the painting.



"Kitt, that's impressive you could make a living off of your painting alone here." Rob left the room then to go tell the neighbors about the painting that had been done. Kitt heard the door shut after Rob then turned to plug his mp3 player into the speakers he had stuck into the bottom of his bag earlier. He didn't even look for a plug for the speakers he had noticed that most of the electronics he had brought, namely his mp3 player, didn't need to recharge or be plugged in, they just ran, and that was a good thing seeing as how the people here had never even heard of electricity.



Margret nearly jumped out of her skin as Just Another Day issued forth from the speakers then ran back into the living room to see Kitt singing with the music and drawing a pack of wolves in his sketch book.



"Kitt, I didn't know you were a mage."



"Why do you say that? I'm no mage."



"Then how do you explain the music, I don't see any instruments or a band for that matter to be making this music."


"Oh that's easy, you see the black boxes on the floor there and the little one with the cord sticking out of it? They are what are making the music. It’s technology from my world." Kitt explained with a smile on his face. His love of music was second only to his love of art.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Phew that was quite a bit of reading to get through.

Now honestly, I'm not a fan of these kinds of stories because I know that every furry has thought of it now and then. It's not original, but there's a difference between thinking something, and actually writing it down, so I commend you for that. If you can do it right, then it doesn't matter what the story is because it will be entertaining.

The problem is that you clearly have not read through this thing or picked out any mistakes or contradictions because there are millions. A simple read through of this will show so many mistakes that are really easily fixed. The best thing to do would be to print it out, read it over and find all those mistakes.  And make sure you do this a good three or four days after you've written it, so that it's out of your head for a while and you can see the wood from the trees.

It's a good effort, you just need to read it over and fix it.

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

"Alright then Kitt, get some sleep. My husband is going to want to spar with you tomorrow before you go to your appointed lessons so you'll want all the rest you can get. He’s probably going to teach you how to fight in your new form."



"Alright I'll see you in the morning then. Good night Margret, thanks for every thing."



Margret went up to her room and left Kitt to his thinking and drawing. Kitt soon followed suit and turned in to bed.


The following morning dawned bright and cold. Kitt awoke to find Rob standing over the foot of his bed; Shaun, a young gray fox, sitting on his fathers broad shoulders.

"Kitt, get up, and get your clothes packed. We need to start your training." Rob stared coldly at Kitt and the young red fox shuddered. "We are going to be going to the Northern Frost. There you will learn to use your new body, or die trying. Don't get me wrong; I like you and all, but that does not mean that I will go easy on you in your training. That is what gets people killed. We have a four week trip ahead of us, and you will be learning to fight with those knives of yours thoroughly.”

“Alright if that’s the case; then fine, but why is Shaun going? Isn’t it going to be dangerous?”

“Yes it will be, but I need to start teaching him some time. And what better time than now; now when I have to teach you as well? I might as well kill two birds with one stone.” Rob then smiled. “Don’t worry too much ok you’ll be just fine. Well maybe a little chilly, but then again I hear that foxes are good with fire. We will have to watch out for the Nocturnes Vulpes however; you and Shaun are both appeasing to their taste and would kill me on sight just for a chance to induct you into their clan. Shaun and I will be waiting in the kitchen.”

“Alright Rob I’ll be down in a couple minuets.”

Rob tuned and went down the stairs as Kitt got out of bed. Throwing most of his clothes and cloaks into a haversack Kitt kept out his orange and black tunic and pants patterned to look like Kitt’s natural fur pattern. The cloak was a rich red color with a royal blue lining. Intricate Celtic Knots flowing throughout the material. Two holes for Kitt’s ears to go through were positioned in the hood; which was set deep enough to conceal all but the tip of his nose. After belting on his fighting knives; Kitt walked down to meet with Shaun and Rob. Who it would seem had grown tired of waiting for Kitt to get down so they could be on their way.

“Finally. It took you long enough. What were you trying to do; pack the bed?”

“Sorry Rob. I had to find my head phones as well as my mp3 player.” Kitt explained as he sheepishly held up his prized possession. “Sorry; I didn’t know we were in a rush to get out of here. Why so fast?”

“Because I don’t want Margret to wake up before we are gone she has a very bad tendency to try and make me take more supplies with me than is really necessary and it is rather annoying ‘cause I have to stash most of them and hope that they are there when I come back”

“Oh ok sorry I wasn’t faster then. I’d hate to have that kind of treatment when I needed to travel fast.”

All three of the small party’s heads turned as if they were on swivels when they head the stifled yawns coming from the house.

“Ack! Kitt run for the trees now!” Rob hissed under his breath. “We have to go now!” Rob, Kitt, and Shaun made a break for the trees behind the house; barely making it into the woods and out of sight as the sound of Margret’s calls drifted over the expanse from the house.

“All right; next time we don’t stall, and next time I help you pack Kitt. That was too close.” Robs tail was bottle brushed to the point it looked as though he was trying to imitate Kitt’s own tail, and Kitt found the sight of it rather humorous. Although he wisely kept his laughter to himself.

(this space reserved for latter text to compleat this part of the story line)











The morning dawned bright and warm, but it was not quiet and peaceful instead rang with the harsh noise of steel on steel. The two combatants were out behind the house locked in combat surrounded by friends and neighbors cheering them on. The two fighting were a large snow leopard and a sleek red fox. The leopard was wielding a large bastard sword swinging it with a deft precision as the fox countered using his twin fighting knives laughing at every missed swing egging the leopard on.


"Common Rob! You have to swing faster than that!" Kitt laughed as the blade went whistling overhead then reversed and came low. Kitt seeing the movement jumped and flipped over as the cold steel passed beneath him. Landing and feeling the ground under his paws, Kitt gained a new intensity of the flames in his eyes and rushed in low pinning his opponents larger blade against the ground with his left palm. Rob, seeing this and thinking Kitt's light weight would be the foxes undoing yanked up on the sword. Kitt anticipating this took his hand off the blade as it rushed up smacking Rob in the head with the flat of the blade knocking him out.


A collective groan then went up from the crowd as gold and silver pieces changed hands then went their own ways for the day eager to share the fight they had just watched. Kitt sheathed his blades and walked over to the awakening Rob and helped him to his feet, asking what happened Kitt filled him in on the details. Walking over to the two men laughing her tail off was Margret, Rob's Grey Fox wife.

"Dear, you made me a bundle! I told you Rob, he carries himself like a fighter! And he beat you! the ruling champ of the towns fighting contest. Speaking of which, the festival begins tonight! Kitt after what happened here you can expect to be put in for the fight weather you want to or not." Reaching for Kitt's hand then placing a large purse into it walked off to finish making breakfast.

""Um Rob, what’s this?" lightly tossing the bag and getting a metallic chink from it in response Kitt looked at the big cat wondering what to do with it.

"Ah it seems that Margret bet some of our money on the fight to earn you some money open the bag and see how much is in there!"

Opening the bag Kitt poured the contents out in his hand. Several large, fat, yellow coins glinted in the morning sun the bag still filled with nothing but coins like it.

"Wow Kitt that's enough to buy a small house with land! Your rich boy! There will be more to win in the festival too"

"Guess I'm going to have to enter the fight then. Well Rob lets go get something to eat I'm starving."

Walking into the house and sitting down at the table the two kids looked up at Kitt with pure awe then began to shovel food into their mouths then bolted from the table trying to get away before they could be told to do the dishes, but had no such luck. A quelling glance from their father sent both kids to the kitchen, their tails low.


Most of the day passed without incident Kitt going to Matt's for his lessons finding that the "lessons" were more along the lines of go out on the town and draw the local sights as he was being drilled with info about the world he was now in, history, current events, music, nothing was above notice in the lessons.

Later that night Kitt was at the local pub playing a game of dice with a few new friends and had won a new fiddle for his troubles then with a sudden urge stood up, took up his new fiddle, and played an Irish drinking song he had learned. Kitt ended up being the one to start the festivities as the pub burst into dance and flooded into the street Kitt leading the procession and sweeping the surrounding people into the mass singing and dancing having a grand time. Kitt waded through the crowed never stopping playing and found a large crate, jumping on it, Kitt started playing even more music as a band of minstrels converged around him and struck up the tune following his lead. After a few hours Kitt went home and turned in, dreaming of the full measure of festivities that he had brought into effect.

The next day was a similar event as the night before. Wading through the crowed street Kitt made his way to the sign up board for the nights fight. After signing his name to the board Kitt turned away from the area and went to find something to eat just as a large hand grabbed his shoulder and whipped him around violently.


"What’s your problem?" Kitt asked angrily as he came face to face with a large wolverine who just sneered at him.

"So this is the towns’ favorite to win the fights tonight huh? This promises to be an easy fight." Turning and walking away, he had not seen the fire leap into the young fox’s eyes in anticipation of the coming fight. Fighting friends was one thing but getting to fight someone that you had no idea what they would do was a whole other ball game, and it was one Kitt swore to come out on top in.

"Kitt! Kitt! there you are Kitt we've been looking for you!" Rob waved over the crowd towing Margret and their two children behind him as he made his way over to Kitt. "How have ya been? We haven't seen you since last night we thought you may have been mugged or something. What have ya been doing?"

Smiling as he responded, eagerly anticipating the matches latter in the evening, "Rob, Margret I'm sorry I've made you worry about me. I was kind of distracted last night and came in late."

"Doesn't surprise me any, Kitt, not with the way the festival started last night. Someone broke out of the Star Light Tavern, playing a mean fiddle and continued to lead a procession through the streets to the square. Someone started the festival in such a way that it will probably become the new opening for a good while. Strange music though; do you know anything about it?"

Kitt smiled even broader as he told them of the previous nights exploits then told Rob of the wolverine that had accosted him just before they had found him.

"Kitt, watch yourself wolverines have a very volatile temper their hard to deal with and will just as soon look at you as to beat you into the ground."

"Alright Margret, I will."

"Good, now go get some rest. Rob has already taken care of getting you into the fights. Your first one is at three so stay close that's in an hour! We're routing for you both good luck!"

Margret walked off taking the kids with her leaving Kitt and Rob standing there Rob turned back to Kitt,

"Hey Kitt, lets go get something to eat, you treat I have a feeling your going to be very rich come tonight."

"Alright lead the way Rob."

Later that evening, Kitt was pacing to and fro through out the dimmed tent. He was preparing for the first fight of the three day tournament. Kitt took a deep breath and walked out of the tent towards the arena as the announcer brought the tournament into effect. As he stepped into the ring and faced his opponent; a sudden thrill of adrenaline passed through him leaving his body feeling as though he had touched a live wire. His opponent was a large skunk holding a wicked looking battle axe. Kitt was not too worried about fighting with weapons, but now he had to worry about a chemical attack as well. To quiet his nerves Kitt look out through the crowd finding Margret and her two children, Shaun and Kim, standing up holding a large sign that had been magicked to shine brightly. The sign read good luck Rob and Kitt! Turning back to the fight with a smile on his face Kitt listened to the referee layout the rules of the engagement, introduced the fighters to each other, the skunk was named Timothy, and began the fight.

as soon as the referee was clear Timothy cut in with a powerful strike at Kitt's stomach. Barely having time to react Kitt leaned as far back as he could the axe head passing a hair's breath from his stomach. As the axe went over Kitt brought his right foot up and kicked the haft of the weapon, knocking the axe out of Timothy's hands, and into the stands where it lodged itself into a pole. After losing his weapon Timothy stood there, mouth agape, staring at his weapon, then turning just in time to dodge a blow from the lithe fox. As Kitt went sailing past Timothy whipped his tail high, took aim, and let loose an acrid spray that caught Kitt with the outer fringes of the blast. Choking and stunned Kitt stumbled around the arena trying to catch his breath and clear his eyes. Timothy used the Time that Kitt was disoriented to land a series of powerful blows that left Kitt staggering. Then as Timothy took hold of Kitt's arm, Kitt whipped both of his legs up and around Timothy's neck squeezing as hard as he could until the large skunk passed out.

The referee after watching Timothy to make sure he was unconscious announced the winner from the edge of the ring, not wanting to be anywhere near Kitt because of the smell. as Kitt passed Rob on the way to the tent Rob winked at him then looked a little green as he caught wind of him.

"Whew Kitt you stink! I wondered why they drew a tomato bath, but now I know! Go soak in it for a few good hours you need it. Don't bother coming in the house till you get that stench off you."

Smiling as he walked away Kitt just shook his head. He was glad to have won the first fight but now his pants had to be burned. There's no way to get skunk spray out of clothing, he hoped fur wasn't the same way. After soaking for several hours Kitt was relived to find that the smell had gone, but he was a little disappointed at smelling like tomato soup. After getting dressed he went to go find Margret and Rob and ask how Rob's fight had gone, hoping that his friends fight had gone as well as his had. After a half hour or so Kitt finally spotted Margret and Rob, Sitting at a food stand a little ways off. Running over to them Kitt stopped short when he seen Rob's arm in a splint.

"Rob, what happened to your arm?"

"Ah, of course that's the first thing you ask me. I’d rather not talk about it Kitt."

"Rob, you’re just being stubborn because you lost your fight. That wolverine broke his arm after the match was over told Rob to let you know he was going to do worse to you, all of the other fighters dropped out of the tournament because of it. Now no more of this, let go home and get some rest your going to need it for tomorrow Kitt."

That night was difficult for Kitt to find rest. He kept going over what had been said by Margret. Getting up and walking outside Kitt made his way to the forest. On his way there he beheld a vixen standing in the moon light along the tree line smiling at him. She was about his height, with long red hair and similar markings as Kitt but with two black lines on the sides of her face just below her eyes. Kitt had also caught her scent on the night wind, it had captivated him, like nothing he had ever smelt before, and as he stood there staring at her, his stomach tying itself in knots, she spoke quietly as if to herself.

"Are you the one? I hope so."

She then turned and disappeared among the trees, and try as he might Kitt could not find hide nor hair of her. Leaving this puzzle for latter Kitt went back to the House and fell into a fitful sleep

Post Merge: July 08, 2010, 11:19:51 PMI understand that there are alot of errors in it and yeah its a long read but as of now im just trying to get my ideas down and no not everything is as ive set it up to seem

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Ok, I do want to see what you do with this. If it really is different from what I think it will be, then I look forward to that. But...

since you're just throwing ideas at the page with very little construction to it, there's not much I can help with because I can't tell how good you actually are at writing, especially when you skip parts and glaze over large events, both for the characters and the town. I mean... I don't think there's really much worth in showing your work in the totally skeletal form that it is in. It doesn't show the story in a good light and people can't really help you much. What I can do though, is make broad generalisations.

There aren't very many, environmental descriptions. Those are very very important.

This feels like a fairytale, which certainly puts its more unexplained aspects into acceptable form. So good, a fairytale would fit this rather nicely.

all of the other fighters dropped out of the tournament because of it

Wait what? all of them? cus someone's arm broke? in a fight where a skunk can weild a battle axe? Broken bones are the least of their worries.

So yeah.... Can't say much because of the state the story's in... but as for a tale in an of itself, I want to know how you spin this.

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

yes it is a fantasy and the reason why they had dropped out wasnt the skunk but the wolverine but thankyou for the criticism ive posted the areas that are up in several other places but unfortunately no one else has given me aninsight as to how i can make the story better this is the kind of feed back i am looking for. so if you have any suggestions or things to point out feel free to do so. thank you

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

yes it is a fantasy

I knew it was a fantasy, I'm just saying it fits more a fairy tale, like the pied piper or something.

the reason why they had dropped out wasnt the skunk but the wolverine

I know that. What I was saying was that all the wolverine did was break someone's arm. The fighters should expect such a thing. I mean the skunk with a battle-axe is far more dangerous, so why aren't people freaking out about that? and why did every single one of them leave?

I'm happy to help, but It's hard to tell you how to make the story better if there's almost no sense of what it will look like when properly done.

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

yes i see your point the reason why they had dropped out was not because of the fact that he broke rob's arm but because he had tried to kill him after he did broken bones happen in the fights death should not. the point of the is to dissarm or better the opponent

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

yeah i totally did not see any real death threat or attempted murder at any point. that needs to be fixed.

Also, if killing someone in a fight is such a massive deal that it causes everyone to forfeit, then really nobody should have any deadly weapons, because in a fight using such weapons, death is always a possibility.

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

an accidental death yes they do happen the other combatants freak because he deliberatly continued after he had beaten his opponent and tried to kill him after he had won and the one he had beaten had been the top contender four years running.

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

Again, you didn't say anything about him continuing to attack after the fight was deemed over. Also... this might be a bit penickety, but wouldn't he be disqualified or penalised for that kind of thing?

[Kitt_R_Beesley]

true, I think im going to re-write that part as well