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Author Topic: Apocalupis  (Read 1222 times)

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Offline Sareen

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Apocalupis
« on: November 21, 2010, 01:36:41 AM »
So this is a story I have had in mind for ages but only recently been bothered to type it up, SO here is my crappy excuse for a prolog, i still need to finish it.

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ _________________________________
Prolog

Centeries ago, Lucifer, a freedom fighter went against Elohims orders. He didn't think it was right for Elohims new creations to walk around unclothed and cold, Soon the creations became ill, Luifer then took fire and cloth and delivered it to the new beings. He offered them hot foods and tools to build homes for themselves.
Lucifer had given the creations a better chance at life, to live healthly just like they deserved. When Elohim had heard about this betrayal, his one favourite child had done he could not forgive him, His anger was to great for forgiveness. When Lucifer returned to Heaven, he found Elohim, Retribution and the Angelic Agents, he knew something was going to happen, Retribution and the angels never showed otherwise.
''How Dare You Go Aginst My Orders!!'' Elohim scream echoed off of the walls of the stone building, Lucifer knew he had done the right thing, the creations where suffering for no reason, He knew they diserved better,
''Well?! Why Did You?!'' after a deep breath Lucifer spoke, his voice was riddled with confusion and anger,
''They Were suffering, No-one deserves to suffer, or go cold. They would die if I didnt give them cloth and fire, Your supposed to be the one they look up to, Why cant you do whats best for them?" Elohim snapped when he heard the quiet reply,
"How Dare You Question My Methods, These are My Creations, They Dont Deserve The Pleasures in Life!"
"You Gave Them Nothing! What have they done to deserve this!?" Lucifer was upset at Elohims spite, towards the beings which he thought he should call Mankind. Luficer could see the anger in Elohim was rising, after Retribution whispered in his ear Lucifer could already tell what was uttered was not going to be good.
"Lucifer...I have no other options, what you have done is to great to forgive, You stole my creations, you betrayed my orders, you showed those things that life is easy when they suffer..." his voice was low and some what calm, he raised his hand and began to speak once more,
"I can not trust you any longer, You were once so loyal, My greatest child. But from here on out, I Banish you from these lands, you are never to return" Lucifer's face was painted with rage and upset
"You have no right for banishing me for doing Good, Your meant to be the holy one! As long as I bare my wings I will never leave!" Lucifer turned round and began to leave until two of the Angelic agents grabbed his shoulders and dragged him to Elohim. His struggling did nothing, the agents were too strong, they held him facing the mighty God who placed his hands on Lucifers golden wings,
"Lets see if I can change that shall we?" Lucifer struggled more he didnt like were this was heading, Suddenly an excruciating flooded Lucifers body as his flesh tore and his bones splintered. He went limp and droped to his knees, warm blood ran down his pale sides, when he gain enough strength to raise his head, Elohim was holding his once downy soft wings in his grasp,
"Now. Lets see if you can survive like my creatures did" Elohim laughed as he turned the wings to ash before the distorted Lucifer,
"Why?...Why are you so heartless?" he mumbled before being roughly dragged off the floor by the Agents,
"You know what to do with him." with that Elohim and Retribution began to walk off, All Lucifer could do was watch as he was dragged to a ditch,which looked to be endless, he left himself passing out from the blood lose and pain he was suffering, before he knew it he was thrown. Falling further and further into darkness what was he going to endure next, what was he going to meet at the bottom...
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Offline Chrono Blackwyng

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Re: Apocalupis
« Reply #1 on: November 21, 2010, 03:01:01 AM »
Beyond the possible religious backlash from such a prologue, I like how it seems to be a different take of "Paradise Lost", without the somewhat ancient dialect.
"From suffering I was born, From misery I was conceived. From the plight of Mortals I thrive, From the pits of Hell I rise, beware...... For I live.........."

"Wait, you're here for my shiny loot? I thought you were here to avenge the cattle and people I've slaughtered..."

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Offline Sareen

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Re: Apocalupis
« Reply #2 on: November 21, 2010, 07:19:18 PM »
is that good or bad?
Cause since im athiest and ive read the bible, I thought ''Gods always shown as good'' so i thought i would put a spin on it and make God evil and Satn good.
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Offline Chrono Blackwyng

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Re: Apocalupis
« Reply #3 on: November 22, 2010, 01:45:35 AM »
I'm not much of an athiest or religious person, and I'm somewhat open to new ideas.

So, its good for story, but a little bad since the spin is probably not going to go over well with the conservatives...
"From suffering I was born, From misery I was conceived. From the plight of Mortals I thrive, From the pits of Hell I rise, beware...... For I live.........."

"Wait, you're here for my shiny loot? I thought you were here to avenge the cattle and people I've slaughtered..."

"I may not always be a caring person, but even when I am furious, it is mostly at myself for becoming this way"
The definition of Pwn (along with examples): http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fhb89V43KWc&feature=channel

Offline Sareen

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Re: Apocalupis
« Reply #4 on: November 22, 2010, 11:32:15 PM »
Probably, and knowing my lucky it wont be good >.<
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