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Author Topic: New story (currently unnamed, WIP)  (Read 1226 times)

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Offline chealsea lupawn

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New story (currently unnamed, WIP)
« on: March 10, 2011, 05:29:40 PM »

The air smelled sweet with the scent of spring; finally the harsh winter had finally ended. The young wolfess crawled out of her den and stood stretching her arms. The morning light shone off her white fur. “Finally no more ice” she said to herself. An older looking grey male crept behind her, and then poked her sides. “Well, if it isn’t little Miss Runaway. You know if it wasn’t for me your mother would know about the little excursion you had last night and you wouldn’t see the light of day till next winter,” He said laughing as she jumped. “It’s not like I got hurt or anything, I just needed to see the city, Kenta,” She said defensively. “Chealsea, you know as well as I do you aren’t old enough to leave the reservation; maybe in a month or two.” Chealsea whines, “But you tell the best stories of the outside, of giants of all species and miniatures, you make it all sound so lively.” Kenta shakes his head, “it’s just that mindset that will get you into trouble. Some pimp or snatcher will spot your pretty white fur, and lure you in with a new opportunity or with a gold encrusted blade of grass, then what will you do? Say goodbye to the pack and your mother that’s what.” Chealsea whines again, her tail and ears drooping, but doesn’t argue. “Glad to see you understand, pup.” The rest of the pack starts to wake as the morning patrol comes back from their rounds, and Chealsea overhears a couple sentinels talking. “The whole north quadrant stinks of humans, none of the scents were fresh but there was definitely someone there” The other one responds, “If they’re stale then there’s no point of reporting it, all it would cause is Shelia’s new batch of pups to start off pack life scared out of their wits”. I think I know what I’m doing today, Chealsea thinks to herself.
The rest of the day Chealsea kept her nose clean, she even looked after Shelia’s pup’s as their mother stole away to collect her wits. Twilight soon fell and Chealsea squeezed herself through a hole she had dug in the den wall, “Ok, north quadrant”, she said, her eyes shining with excitement. She crept deeper in to the woods staying low in the high grass. “Ok, found the scent, but this smells fresh, not stale, that old furball must be moss infested” she giggled to herself quietly. The young wolfess continued forward slowly; an odd feeling of tiredness swept over her quickly. Should have taken a nap before I came here, guess a quick snooze won’t hurt, just a couple minutes is all I need,  She thought as she walked over to a tree and laid down curling up.
Chealsea woke up in a flash of crude iridescent light, she could hear a voice as if it were being heard from an old speaker, “Subject W.012: Tar, waking from cryo-sleep”. Chealsea reach up to shield her still closed eyes from the light, but hit a solid smooth wall. It seemed to encase her completely. “Damn it’s cold, wait where I am?” She said as she felt around the capsule blindly; her eyes felt as if they had never opened before. The voice sounded out again, “Reaction expected, subject seems hostile.” Chealsea opened her eyes sorely and let them adjust; she was in a silvery room with a glass tube keeping her separate from the outside, a human in a suit was holding up a mirror. Chealsea looked and was appalled at what she saw. Her white fur, and likely her body, was replaced with a flowing coat of an inky black vicious substance, and her ice blue eyes were replaced with two pink spaces. Chealsea doubled back away from the mirror her body seemed to pool with her scaring her even more. What the hell is this place, what did they do to me? she thought to herself.   

Offline CormacCoyotecraft

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Re: New story (currently unnamed, WIP)
« Reply #1 on: March 11, 2011, 02:11:31 AM »
This is some good stuff you have here! It reminds me of science fiction books like Aldous Huxley's Brave New World or Hanif Kureishi's The Body. Will you be posting more of this story?

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Re: New story (currently unnamed, WIP)
« Reply #2 on: March 11, 2011, 04:32:43 AM »
Very good story, it flows well, I'd like to see more of it. I do think the structure could be improved slightly by making a new line whenever a different person speaks and separating thoughts from the general narration. But I loved it. It's awesome so far.


I hope you will remember me, At least say so to comfort me, You say goodbye so easily, Its now or never, It may seem really pitiful, But life became too beautiful, The pain of love unbearable, It's now or never, Gone Forever.

Offline chealsea lupawn

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Re: New story (currently unnamed, WIP)
« Reply #3 on: March 16, 2011, 04:18:15 PM »
   “You should be honored Miss, you have been chosen to become something more than you were before.” The suited man said. “Something more beautiful than your original pitiful existence, and we have such plans for you, such wonderful plans.” “I don’t want your plans, I want to go home, let me out and undo what you did,” She screamed at him, her new eyes watering with fear and rage. The man only smiled, “You are home, and this is your body there is nothing to undo” She was furious, and was about to continue her triad, but then another voice was heard, coming from a slumped figure on the far wall; his hand-paws were shackled with thick dull metal shells. His form was feline; Chealsea guessed he was maybe a leopard.
         
           ”It’s no use arguing with him, love. His entire job is to make you think that you belong here.” The wolfess was strangely calmed by his cool tone; she sat hugging what she had subconsciously formed into knees, responding in a defeated tone, “Then I should give into him, I guess…” The leopard shrugged, “I guess so”. “Now, Miss, you’ve been asleep for a long time, we were beginning to worry about you.” The human says, his voice dripping with fake concern. “You will probably be hungry here soon” Doubt it… Chealsea thought looking at the man, hating his very existence, his suited form and smiling face, and that ridiculous grin. “Food will be brought to you in about an hour, and after you eat, you should rest” He said before leaving the room.
           
          The door shut and latched behind the man; at the same time the container holding Chealsea split in half and slid into the base of what she was laying on. Chealsea quick got off of it, fearing it would close again. The leopard watched her as she did, his kind eyes seamed pained, at her sorrow. “Don’t give in to him,” he said at last. She looked at him confused, and moved closer to him. Her lower body flowed in the way she wanted to go, yet no trail was left behind. “B…But you just said…” she stammers. “It’s better to let him think you’re obedient, he talks less then” the Leopard interrupted, a slight smile crosses his face for a second before he continued. “If you have a name don’t forget it, say it to yourself every night if you need to.” She stares at him even more confused making him sigh. “Sorry, I know this is a lot to take in. The only one who knows your name here is you; the rest of us will call you by the nickname they gave you.” Us, what does he mean by us? They must have done this to others. , she thought, never taking her eyes off of his shackles. “What are those for?” she asks. “They integrated photo-manipulative augments into my paws, basically if you don’t see these,” he holds up his shackles. “Then you won’t see me”.   

 

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