Realistically, is there any way to stop bullying?

[Count of Cutesy]

Why do I ask it? Because I see a lot of people who are "against" bullying, but NO ONE ever stands up to bullying. Sure, you see it in the cartoons a lot, but remember, real life isn't a cartoon. In real life, we don't have the victim, the bullies, and the people who stand up to bullies. In real life, it's the victim, the bullies, and the people who ENCOURAGE the bullies. Too often in real life and online do I see people getting teased and no one helping the person out. It's always "Stop being offended! Stop playing the victim! Blah blah blah!" No one EVER stands up for the bullied. I am the only one I know who has ever done it, and that turned me into a victim as well. Is this why no one stands up against bullies? Because THEY become the victims?

How do you stand up against bullies if there is no way to do so? And for the love of pete, if you're going to post, do NOT!!! suggest ignoring them. Believe me, I've tried that millions of times and I get the same results. The more I ignore bullies, the worse it gets, the angrier I become at them, and the bigger the font I use. Ignoring has NEVER worked for me, and it doesn't truly work for others, either.

[Otebon Albrecht]

It is a difficult subject to talk about, but believe me, you are not alone. As a constant victim, I can agree that people do not generally stand up for you or step in to offer solace. 99% are much more comfortable stepping in after everything is said and done and offer their comfort now, usually in the form of rushing me to the ER.

Personally, I agree with your assessment that people do not help and that you are one of the very few that has stood up; to which, your reward is to be victimized as well! I discovered that as well on many occasions, but my observations have turned up something else. Many people do not want you to interfere.

There is a "contest" aspect to bullying, even in the mind of most victims, that require them to combat their situation alone or seemingly alone. I can't quite understand it, but I know I do it myself.

As for the question you introduce in the second paragraph, "How do you stand up against bullies if there is no way to do so," there would be no way to do so in the manner you've posed it, but I would like to offer an alternate question.

"How do you make the bullying stop."

Sadly, and specifically against your post, the best way is to simply ignore it. You get as much success as you put effort towards, and believe me it works. But if you are uncomfortable with that answer, then you will lament the other choice in my opinion. As a life-long researcher of people and their reactions, as well as someone that has been forced to learn how to fight and combat against the world, the only other option for how to stop a bully is to make them stop.

Now, perhaps I should explain myself. By ignoring a bully, I mean that you must make bullying "boring" for your attacker. Bullies are looking for some sort of reaction, and if you give it to them, they are fulfilled. If you do not give them a reaction or make it too dangerous for them, they will stop. One way of making the action of bullying too dangerous or boring is to get some form of administration of your school or work involved so that it becomes a public matter.

In the other way, "fighting" your bully, you have to expend thousands of times more effort because you must understand your opponent. I have been forced to used this method on many occasions due to the natural ability of my usual bullies to ameliorate themselves with the administration I am associated with (school, work, etc.) and this makes the first method difficult. You have to understand your opponent if you wish to do this and I will not teach people how to do that, but once you do understand them, you can make bullying a non-issue. This is done primarily by making their action punishable.

I am not a proponent of physically fighting people. I've stayed away from physical terms and suggesting fighting. What I suggest is a mental game, a "mind-game" if you will. The idea behind this is to not allow bullying to take place by making a single move that does not strike at your opponent's body, but their mind. If you find yourself against a "bully," you will find that 9 times out of 10 they are weak willed and unable to rationalize. These types of minds are easy to manipulate and crush with the right pressure.

If you cannot ignore them, (which I highly suggest) then learn to use your mind against theirs.

[NovaAurora]

    I'd like to use Otebon's points to jump into what I have to say about this. Bullying is at its very core a mind game, a conflict between someone who either sees a lack of something positive in himself or an abundance of something negative in others, and those who will help the bully satisfy those imbalances by being bullied. Ultimately, the bully can only get the satisfaction they want if the "victim" reacts in a significant way or if positive attention is brought to their bullying. However, you don't have to "ignore" the bully to prevent reacting in a way the bully wants. I'm a fan of either pointing out the obvious fallacies with the bully, thus shifting the focus on them (and as Otebon said, the vast majority of bullies are not very bright or self confident,) or very calmly threatening to get authority figures involved. They might think you're bluffing, but if you keep it up it's often enough to unnerve them into leaving you alone. Then you can expose them anyway, so people are more alert to their behavior in the future.


    As for the question of "how do you make bullying stop," I have what some people might call a very cynical answer. You can't make bullying stop. There will always be people who feel insecure and will take it out on others. What I hate seeing is all these attempts at essentially reforming bullies, especially in school. It's a relative waste of time. In my opinion, the way to remedy bullying is not to vilify the bullies as much necessarily, but to greatly empower the "victims." Again, bullies do what they do for personal satisfaction and attention and they see their "victims" as easy targets. If we give people who are easy targets the tools to help themselves, then the bullies will have nothing to feed on, especially if public spectacles can be avoided (which is exactly why physical retaliation doesn't work.)


    Of course, this is easier said than done. You are right that very few people stand up for the bullied, and we won't be able to help them unless more people are willing to be supportive. And the support itself is tricky- I'm not a fan of the "you're a wonderful person, just believe in yourself!" approach. We need to be reasonable, and point out how morally and intellectually superior the people being bullied are to the ones doing the bullying. Play to their factual strengths, don't feed them a bunch of sparkles and rainbows BS. If you can truly make them feel confident, then they can respond to just about any bully situation.


    In the end there is no magic solution. But I think we can all agree that people don't stand up for the bullied enough, and that the solution is not simply saying "ignore them" or physical violence.

[Boone Zofox]

I hope you don't mind but I'm going to give you my very brutal outlook on this topic. To answer your question directly, no, there is no way to stop bullying. In most situations in the world, there is a hierarchal relationship between people and the weak are naturally preyed on by the stronger. And being classified as weak can literally mean you are physically weaker than other people or you are just perceived as being weaker emotionally and this easy to break. And the stronger look for this breaking point. That's why everyone always say to not let them get a reaction out of you. But no matter what you do they're going to get something and that's going to feed them. And what's worse is they want you to retaliate. They want you to fight back just so they can exert their dominance over you. In rare cases, like what I presume happens to Otebon, you can actually exert dominance but for the majority of people that just isn't going to work. The bully is a bully in the first place because they can take what ever you dish out at them. They don't care how perfect of a logical argument you present, they'll ignore it and just revile in the fact that you tried to fight back and you lost.

The fact of the matter is that if you find yourself as the victim you're practically stuck as the victim until they decide to move on. So my advice is to suck it up. I presume you are either middle school or high school age because that's when bullying generally occurs. Beyond those social interactions bullying doesn't really exist because adults don't bully, they find more mature ways to stroke their egos. So suck it up and wait for it to pass. These life experiences you have to deal with now will ultimately strengthen you when you get older. I only give this advice because its worked well enough for me so far.

I spent middle school and early high school being made fun of a lot. At first I complained or tried to stand up for myself but I was too weak to effectively do anything. So I just dealt with it. And so they moved on. The rest of high school I didn't care what they said because I had better things to worry about. That's turned me into what I am today. I do my work, I have fun, I be goofy, but I don't take crap from anyone and they know it. Because I'm stronger now. So that's my brutal answer. Deal with it and you'll become strong enough to not have to deal with it again.

[Count of Cutesy]

I hope you don't mind but I'm going to give you my very brutal outlook on this topic. To answer your question directly, no, there is no way to stop bullying. In most situations in the world, there is a hierarchal relationship between people and the weak are naturally preyed on by the stronger. And being classified as weak can literally mean you are physically weaker than other people or you are just perceived as being weaker emotionally and this easy to break. And the stronger look for this breaking point. That's why everyone always say to not let them get a reaction out of you. But no matter what you do they're going to get something and that's going to feed them. And what's worse is they want you to retaliate. They want you to fight back just so they can exert their dominance over you. In rare cases, like what I presume happens to Otebon, you can actually exert dominance but for the majority of people that just isn't going to work. The bully is a bully in the first place because they can take what ever you dish out at them. They don't care how perfect of a logical argument you present, they'll ignore it and just revile in the fact that you tried to fight back and you lost.

The fact of the matter is that if you find yourself as the victim you're practically stuck as the victim until they decide to move on. So my advice is to suck it up. I presume you are either middle school or high school age because that's when bullying generally occurs. Beyond those social interactions bullying doesn't really exist because adults don't bully, they find more mature ways to stroke their egos. So suck it up and wait for it to pass. These life experiences you have to deal with now will ultimately strengthen you when you get older. I only give this advice because its worked well enough for me so far.

I spent middle school and early high school being made fun of a lot. At first I complained or tried to stand up for myself but I was too weak to effectively do anything. So I just dealt with it. And so they moved on. The rest of high school I didn't care what they said because I had better things to worry about. That's turned me into what I am today. I do my work, I have fun, I be goofy, but I don't take crap from anyone and they know it. Because I'm stronger now. So that's my brutal answer. Deal with it and you'll become strong enough to not have to deal with it again.

I graduated. And I STILL get bullied online, especially when I say I'm 21.

[Otebon Albrecht]

I'm 21 and about to graduate college with a degree in Chemistry. I've worked on ground breaking research, assisted in building a new blood-testing machine that puts the rest on the market to shame, and I've saved lives before.

I still get bullied too.

Believe me, it's something that will happen. You can't stop bullies forever. Each new one will think they have a chance with you and you just have to stand strong and deal with each one on your terms.

[pawz9]

I know of two ways to stop bullying one is hypothetical because id never be stupid enough to try it and the other has worked for me
The one that worked is assert dominance let them know they have no power over you or just pay no attention they have short attention span they get bored easily
The theoretical one is to remove all conflict but to do thatyoud need to remove all diversity but thats not a good idea

[Duke]

Realistically, No. It's human nature to judge.

[Growlithe]

People who say no are just people who couldn't.

I have stopped a few bullies in my time.
Always identify your harasser and take an appropriate course of action


1 simply holding your own with witty remarks, if in truly good taste, will earn you support




2 You could also just... you know... tell a teacher. That never fails.


3 You could stand up yourself, which usually earns respect


4 Have friends sway the encouragers to your side as if they are just an on looker


5 Put them in their place with a mental break down. I really don't suggest that, though. It's really inhumane if you're observant

[Duke]

Yes but-ugh... overall its human nature. and it cannot be stopped. Theres too much diversity in this world for everyone to get along.

[Indecipherable]

Currently, I don't believe there is a way to end bullying. In future, probably yes. You know, in a global socialistic environment when the bullies just won't be able to go unnoticed. When I'm bullied, I don't really know what to do, since telling your parents and/or teachers makes you feel weak, and striking back doesn't make you any better... Unless it's a verbal retaliation, which kinda gives you enough ground to stand on and still let you keep your pride.

[Aloneness]

I didn't get bullied despite being gay, an otaku, the anti-social shy kid, and a nerd. Even though I was in a super religious, back of the woods town where all the girls where preps and all the guys where jocks and rednecks... ... ...

However I also had some fairly good deterrents, that was that I was one of the two assistant instructor and for the most part the highest ranking student at one of the dojo's in the town next door to the one I live in (there was one other person the same rank as me). I also took swordsmanship and was commonly at the gun range. Plus I was good friends with one of the SRO officer at our school because he was the other assistant instructor at my dojo being the same rank as me and all. ^^; So I guess that had a "Bigger Stick" effect and people pretty much left me alone if they ever did do something I stood my ground and it never got any farther then that because they knew I'd kick there ass.

Then again I never really went looking for trouble because most of the times people make themselves the target for bullying. I didn't really try to stand out for other reasons, and kept a pretty low profile and only hung out with my other two-three friends.

[Tron Cat]

short answer...No there is no realistic way to stop bullies or bullying its one of the sorry and sad truths of this world there is no way to stop it everyone is bullied at some point even the bully. In all honest the only way to deal with bullying is to live with it try to avoid it but that won't always work, you can front all you want but you will still get bullied. People say if you just    Ignoring it works well they would be right if the bully was just doing it to see a reaction but their not bullies bully for the simple fact that it is fun to them they honestly don't give a flying F*** what you say or if you try to ignore them. the only thing you can do is find comfort in your friends and family and loved ones and hope that some day it will get better and if your lucky and you live "right" it will.   Good luck,and i wish you the best. IF you ever need some outside of the situation to talk to I'm good at listen.

[Nobi]

Then again I never really went looking for trouble because most of the times people make themselves the target for bullying.

I must respectfully disagree with that part. While some people genuinely do make themselves targets—I've encountered people who go around school spouting off their views and telling everyone who doesn't agree with them that they're stupid, after which they get the crap kicked out of them—others are targeted when they haven't gone looking for any trouble. For most of my school career, I kept to myself most of the time, talking only to my friends and to the teachers when participating in class. Yet I was still bullied. The same thing happens to a lot of people. They don't go looking for trouble, but trouble comes to them anyway. This usually seems to be because the bullies perceive some kind of weakness or difference in them. I went to a high school that was primarily black and latino, and one of the reasons I was bullied was because I'm white (the first thing anyone at the school said to me was "F***ing white piece of sh**."). I also had hair down to the middle of my back my freshman year, and I didn't (still don't) have the most standard-masculine figure. I was often genuinely mistaken for a girl from behind, and called a shemale/"shim"/it when guys saw me from the front. Finally, I conformed to the standard geek/nerd stereotype; I wore glasses, had acne, hated sports, was in band, and openly loved nerdy things like Star Wars and Lord of the Rings.


Most of the bullying I experienced wasn't the type of continuous bullying from a specific person. That is to say, I didn't have a "Biff" who would track me down every day, give me a wedgie, and shake me down for my lunch money (except for elementary school, and I eventually got so fed up with him that him that I snapped and gave him a double purple-nurple that brought him to tears. Not the best way to get a bully off your back, but it worked). Instead, it mostly consisted of frequent comments or insults made en passing by random people in the halls or bathrooms. However, there were people I had to deal with regularly in my classes. In the latter situations, I found that simply telling the teacher about it got them to leave me alone for  a while. That, or the teacher would simply notice it themselves and tell the bullies to stop. In the former situations, though, when random people would throw insults at me in the halls or bathrooms, getting them to stop wasn't so simple. I couldn't stand up to them or say anything to them because I was on my way to classes and felt like I didn't have time, and I couldn't tell a teacher about them because I didn't know who they were. I simply had to deal with it. For a while it really hurt, but I eventually just had to suck it up and ignore them.


To more explicitly respond to Count of Cutesy, people are gonna find reasons to bully you, no matter who you are. Hell, even the popular kids get bullied, usually by other popular kids. And it's always gonna be for dumb reasons. You're white. You're black. You're Asian. You're Mexican. You're a nerd. You're too weak. You're too fat. You're a boy who looks like a girl, or you're a girl who looks like a boy. You look/are too rich, or you look/are too poor. You can try to stand up to a bully, or you can try to ignore them, or you can try to creep them out, or you can try to outsmart them. Might work, might not. It all depends on the person, really. There's no surefire way to get a bully to leave you alone. In most cases, you just need to deal with it until they decide to stop. If it's verbal abuse, take a deep breath and let their words wash over you. It's hard to not let that sort of thing get to you, but it's worth it to at least try. If it's physical bullying, on the other hand, that's when the best option is to tell an authority figure to make it stop.