Five Nights at Furry's

[Nishjin]

Disclaimer: I do not own Five Nights at Freddy's... If I did, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night on so many levels. That honor goes to Scott Cawthon. Also, the genre for the beginning will be horror/comedy. It may change later, but for now, be ready to turn your lights off veeeeerrrry slowly. Or not change, because this is my first posted fanfiction.

Anyways, after that disclaimer that you probably didn't read, hey guys! I've always wanted to dabble in fanfictions, so why not mix an experimental hobby with a slightly less experimental hobby like being a furry? That, and I came up with an awesome title...
Five Nights at Furry's
You've gotta love it, or you wouldn't have clicked on it. Or maybe you saw that I was the one who posted it, and in THAT case, you are pretty much the coolest fur ever. Anyways, I'm just gonna have fun with this and hope it's good. Without FURther ado, let's get into it. (I couldn't NOT do that.)


   Beep. Beep. Beeeeeep. BEEEEEEEEEEP.
I roll over in my bed to hit the snooze button, but the beeping doesn't cease. I mash the clock a bit harder, but it won't shut up. Irritably, I open my eyes to see a big 12:00 blinking in my face. My clock wasn't even set, so why...

        Trent was giggling in the doorway, holding up his phone. The sleep-ending sound seemed to be coming from it, so I figured he was pranking me. Again. He was dressed in a Volcom shirt and jeans, so it must've been after ten.
Slamming my face in my pillow, I mutter, "Don't you have any damsels to rescue from burning buildings or something? Seriously, Firefly, why are you bugging me?" Firefly was his fireman codename, and it suit him well. Straightening his face, he said, "Aw, c'mon Mike. How else do I wake you up without you going all ninja on me and breaking my arm?"
Snickering a bit, I remember that day. Firefly was totally asking for it when he tickled me awake... He knew I went to bed right after watching a horror movie, he should've known better.

        Well, I wasn't going back to sleep. Stretching a bit, I say, "Fair enough. So why are you waking me up, anyways?" He grabs my attention as he throws a newspaper at me. There's a part in the job section that's circled, so I read it as he talks. "I found you a place to work. I know that you're a bit of a night owl, and this job is easy peasy. All you have to do is sit in front of a screen for six hours, and make sure nobody breaks in!" I think this is reasonable until I read what the hours are. "Midnight to six? I may stay up late, but that's just rediculous..." Trent wags his finger at me, pouting out his bottom lip a bit. "Mike, you need a job. Being a fireman only gets you so much money, and I need all the help I can get. So be a good roommate and just try it for a week, okay?"
        A week. Five nights, and if I became a sleep walker, I could quit.

       "Alright, deal. One week, and if it isn't too bad then I'll be able to help out a bit." Trent slaps me on the back, looking cheery. He cheerfully says, "Great!" and starts to walk away. Before he gets too far, I ask, "Uh, Firefly? What exactly is a... furry?" He turns back around, tensing a bit, and answers my question with a question. "Why do you ask?" Confused at his lack of answer, I simply point at the newspaper. "It says Freddy Fazbear's Furry Convention. Just wondering what I'll be guarding."
Trent seems to relax a bit, and says, "Oh, it's just a fandom that's having a convention there this week. They're unveiling a couple new animatronics that are supposed to be totally flawless. As in, you can't even tell that they're robots, they look like anthropomorphic animals. Anyways, furries are a community that like the art style of what they call 'anthro' animals. It must blow their minds to get to see one in person. Or, as they would say," Trent grins a bit, and I know whats coming. "A FURson!"
I roll my eyes and groan a bit, but I'm not able to hide a smile on my face. Trent came up with the stupidest jokes sometimes, but they always made me smile. Whenever I was going through anything, I could always count on him to offer a round of video games, or tell a pun that makes me laugh. I don't like to think of what I would do without him, since I was pretty much mooching off of him to live. "Alright, well let me sleep so I'll be able to stay awake once I'm on duty." I'm laying back in my bed when I feel him lifting me up. Grunting frrom effort, he says, "You haven't gotten the job yet, bud. You have to go apply for it." I want to reject reality, but I know he's right.

      After Trent leaves, I dress in a pair of jeans and a tank top with "Justice is Blind" written on it, along with an eyeless wolf. It was my only animal themed shirt, and I figured I might as well dress to impress. As I get on my bike, I thank the gods that the restaurant is only a half mile away.
Once I lock up my bike outside the place, I open the doors the find the place packed. People with animal ears, tails, masks, and full-on cosplays are milling about, many of them centered around one attraction that looked like a humanish wolf, or maybe a wolfish human. Looking around, I see a door marked "Administrator." I knock a few times, and hear a gruff voice tell me to come in.
Entering the office, I see a man with a pair of bear ears on typing on a computer. A yellow nameplate beside him reads Evan Mishko. He looks up at me and says, "Who are you? I'm in the middle of something important, so please be quick." A bit nervous, I wished that I had called ahead. I clear my throat, and say "I've come to apply for the, uh, nightguard job. I saw the ad in th-" Before I can finish, the older man stands up and smiles warmly at me. "You've got the job. Let me give you a tour of the place." I blink a couple of times, letting the news sink in. I ask, "Weren't you just doing something important, though? I can wait, if you want me to." But Evan simply laughs and lowers his voice, saying "Just between you and me, I was on a forum that I'm a moderator for. Funny, how it works. Moderator of a website, Administrator of a restaurant. Anyways, let's go. I actually have a meeting to go to in an hour, so we'll rush through and I'll show you the place."
Only half paying attention as my new boss shows me the building, the only thing that sinks in is that there's four animatronics. Freddy Fazbear, the pizzaria's namesake, is an eight foot bear with a microphone and a top hat. Bonnie the bunny is a purple rabbit with a black bowtie and a red guitar, and Chica the chicken is a yellow, well, chicken that has a bib printed in boisterous text, "Let's Eat!" along with a toy cupcake she held. There was one more that I didn't quite get to see, but Evan says something about "Foxy the Pirate Fox". Apparently he was out of order for some reason I didn't catch.
As he gets more and more anxious about not how late it was getting, he briefly introduces me to the newest attraction. He leads me to the dining hall where the entrance came in, and I once again see a bunch of people crowding the stage. Evan leads me backstage and pulls back a curtain, revealing the humanish wolf I saw earlier. Even though I was closer this time, I couldn't see any joints or indications that it was a robot. It has a very blue color scheme, with some green thrown in. It looked a lot like the style of some of the cosplays I'd seen earlier. Grinning ear to ear, Evan proudly states, "And this fellow here is Nishjin! He's the best design out there, and his AI is better than anything ever made!"
Ignoring the fact that a simple pizzaria robot shouldn't need an AI, I looked at it. It definately was pretty impressive. But as I stared at it, it looked up and stared back at me...
       "Hello."


So, yeah! That's the first chapter, if you guys like it, I'll try to post another chapter every one or two days, if not, I'll still try to post it.
Special thanks to Firefly and Evnamishko for inspiring a couple of characters in the story, and thanks to everyone who will point out my grammar mistakes for being a grammar nazi like myself.
Anyways, if you guys could give a review, that's great. If not, then don't. It's fine.
Edit: I fixed a couple spelling mistakes and formatted it a little bit better.

[Firefly Wolfy]

This Fanfic is pretty good! I really love how it's a furry convention and I also love the forum easter eggs you added. Great plot so far, keep at it! 

[Air Wolf]

That's really cool

[Kara]

OOHOHOHOOHOHOHOHOOOOOH
Can I have a cliché? or even be in it??? 

[tholepin]

Hi Nishjin,
Read your chapter and was pulled right in. Like your style, dialogue and NRG. Fast paced with sparse sentences throughout. Looking forward to Chapter 2.

A question, how many rewrites am I looking at in your post?

[Nishjin]

Disclaimer: I do not own Five Nights at Freddy's... If I did, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night on so many levels. That honor goes to Scott Cawthon.
Hi guys! Thanks for the reviews, I didn't think anyone would like the story that much. Or maybe you didn't like the story that much, and you only wanted to be nice. In that case, you suck! Seriously! Don't be nice, I need actual feedback! There's no point in writing if you don't like it... Anyways, story time!

   I take a slight step back, staring at the robot, at my boss, and back at the robot. Evan chuckled a bit as he saw my confusion, and said "Amazing, I know. He's programmed to react to most everyday situations, and even comes with a criminal database. He can spot a robber a mile away. Honestly, if he wasn't deactivated during the night, we wouldn't need to hire you." Secretly, I'm glad that he's going to be deactivated, because I don't want some wolf thing walking around during the night. It seemed to be looking at me strangely, and I realize it must be waiting for an answer. "Uh, hi. I'm Mike, but I guess I already know your name." He relaxes his gaze and goes back to the slouched position that must've been a sleep mode of some sort. Evan leads me over to a tarp over something, pulling the tarp off. Once its gone, I see two more human-like animals. One is a wolf with mostly regular colouring, escept for a couple neon green stripes and some scar on his cheek. The other is more like a dog than a wolf, but it's hard to tell. It has some sort of face paint on it, making it look super creepy, almost like that one guy from Batman. Both are slumped over in an unnatural position, like they didn't have any insides. Evan puffs his chest out a bit, obviously pround of the two. "Why are they lying all wonky? Is something wrong with them?" I think the question is perfectly legitimate, but it doesn't seem to be what he was expecting. He mutters something about not appreciating them, then answers "The endoskeletons we got with them don't fit. We're going to be waiting a few weeks for the new ones, so these guys can't go up to perform for now. I'm sure they'll be a hit once they do, though."

   After Evan leaves for his appointment, I head home to rest before my shift. Lying in bed, I can only think of how weird it is that a robot entertainer would need any sort of AI. Then again, they may be able to deal with any fights that break out, so maybe it was a good idea. That, and it would definately make the show more interactive.
   All of the sudden, I feel a tapping on my shoulder. I look to my right, and see Freddy Fazbear standing next to my nightstand. I just about fall out of my bed, until I realize I must be dreaming. Funny, I've never had a self-aware dream before. Felt like normal, but with a giant bear in my room. As I look closer and he doesn't seem to be brown, but instead a golden colour. He's stretching out, almost like he just woke up. Which is ironic, since I just fell asleep. He opens his eyes and my curiousity goes from mild to creeped out. The animatronic's eyes are gone, replaced by a pair of white dots that looks like they're in the back of his head. "Hi there Freddy... What possessed you to come into my dream?" I wasn't expecting an answer, but hey, it's a dream.    
   "Mike... You need to be careful."
   "Careful? Careful of what?"
   "I can't say... But you are in danger, along with many innocent people." Each word he spoke sounded labored, and he talked extremely slowly.
   "What can I do to stop it?"
   "I don't know..." The bear seemed to be fading from existence when I feel another tap on my shoulder. I look behind me, but there's nothing there. Confused, I turn to the golden Freddy to see him gone. I lay down, my heart beating out of my chest. I'm really starting to get confused as I hear a voice that seemed to come from inside my head.
   "I'll be here when you need me... For now, wake up and go do your job."

   I wake up from the odd dream and look towards my clock before realizing that I still hadn't set it. Getting up, I see darkness outside my window, meaning that it was night. Walking out of my room, I see Trent sleeping on the couch, snoring about as loudly as humanly possible. I reach over and "borrow" his phone because I don't have one. The time says 10:30, giving me a while to get ready for the job. I take a shower, then put on some random clothes that were clean... Well, they didn't smell too bad.

   By the time I get to the restaurant it's eleven o' clock, and there's only a few lights on in the building. I use the key that Evan gave me to open the door, and see somebody cleaning inside. When they see me, they look at their watch, confused about something. Walking over to me, they ask, "It's nowhere near midnight yet, what are you doing here? You are the nightguard, right?" He seemed nervous, as if me being there meant something was wrong. "Yeah, I just got here an hour early so that I could look around. I never actually got to see my office, so I'll do that too." He visibly relaxed, and I wondered why he had been so nervous at first. I waved goodbye to him and walked down the hall to where my boss had told me my office was at until I came upon a large doorway that didn't actually have a door in it. Inside was a desk with a phone, an electric fan that was spinning very slowly, a bunch of old posters, and some other random junk laying around. Only one bare lightbulb was lighting the room, so I couldn't see outside the doorways on either side. There were two buttons at each doorway, one saying "Light" and the other saying "Door". I press the light button and some flashlight in the hallway turns on, allowing me to see in the doorway. It made sense, but why was there a door button? I press it and a metal door slams down with all the quietness of a gunshot. But right next to the door there was a window, seemingly defeating the purpose of the door. I tap the glass, but it doesn't rattle or anything. I knock on it harder, but it still won't budge.  Some sort of plexiglass? Why would they need all these precautions to make sure that the office was hard to get into, instead of the building itself? I open up the door and see a small tablet on my chair. I pick it up and turn it on, and it shows me a camera feed of the dining hall. It made more sense, but as I flicked through the different cameras, I saw that none of them showed the cash registers, and they had tons of blindspots in them. Whoever designed these cameras was an idiot, but it's not like anyone would try to rob the place. There was nothing of value, unless one of those 'furry' people stole the new animatronics.

   I suddenly hear a beeping noise coming from my tablet and pick it up. The screen has a small 12AM in the corner, telling me my shift is starting. The phone on the desk starts ringing, but before I can pick it up, it goes to voicemail.
   "Hello, hello? Uh, I wanted to record a message for you to help you get settled in on your first night. Um, I actually worked in that office before you. I'm finishing up my last week now, as a matter of fact. So, I know it can be a bit overwhelming, but I'm here to tell you there's nothing to worry about. Uh, you'll do fine. So, let's just focus on getting you through your first week. Okay? Uh, let's see, first there's an introductory greeting from the company that I'm supposed to read. Uh, it's kind of a legal thing, you know. Um, 'Welcome to Freddy Fazbear's Pizza. A magical place for kids and grown-ups alike, where fantasy and fun come to life. Fazbear Entertainment is not responsible for damage to property or person. Upon discovering that damage or death has occurred, a missing person report will be filed within 90 days, or as soon property and premises have been thoroughly cleaned and bleached, and the carpets have been replaced.' Blah blah blah, now that might sound bad, I know, but there's really nothing to worry about. Uh, the animatronic characters here do get a bit quirky at night, but do I blame them? No. If I were forced to sing those same stupid songs for twenty years and I never got a bath? I'd probably be a bit irritable at night too. So, remember, these characters hold a special place in the hearts of children and we need to show them a little respect, right? Okay. So, just be aware, the characters do tend to wander a bit. Uh, they're left in some kind of free roaming mode at night. Uh...Something about their servos locking up if they get turned off for too long. Uh, they used to be allowed to walk around during the day too. But then there was The Bite of '87. Yeah. I-It's amazing that the human body can live without the frontal lobe, you know? Uh, now concerning your safety, the only real risk to you as a night watchman here, if any, is the fact that these characters, uh, if they happen to see you after hours probably won't recognize you as a person. They'll m-most likely see you as a metal endoskeleton without its costume on. Now since that's against the rules here at Freddy Fazbear's Pizza, they'll probably try to...forcefully stuff you inside a Freddy Fazbear suit. Um, now, that wouldn't be so bad if the suits themselves weren't filled with crossbeams, wires, and animatronic devices, especially around the facial area. So, you could imagine how having your head forcefully pressed inside one of those could cause a bit of discomfort...and death. Uh, the only parts of you that would likely see the light of day again would be your eyeballs and teeth when they pop out the front of the mask, heh. Y-Yeah, they don't tell you these things when you sign up. But hey, first day should be a breeze. I'll chat with you tomorrow. Uh, check those cameras, and remember to close the doors only if absolutely necessary. Gotta conserve power. Alright, good night."

   ...What?


Sorry that I haven't updated in a while, I went camping the past few days. So anyways, a quick note, if you have a really looooooong review, PM it to me. Hope you enjoyed, I should have chapter three tomorrow. Or today, if I have absolutely nothing going on.
Jest, your request has been granted!

[Kara]

Wow, that was good!


Though the dream was incredibly sketchy and confusing, It made my scratch my head a bit. Perhaps make the main character find out for themselves the dangers?





Was the canine with the facepaint me or folic acid?

[Nishjin]

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Five Nights at Freddy's... If I did, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night on so many levels. That honor goes to Scott Cawthon. Chapter may be gory.
Hi guys! The whole thing was written listening to various FNAF fan songs, for inspirational purposes. Anyways, Story time! *Cough cough* Dreams are confusing because the person having them isn't conscious... *cough cough* And everything else will be revealed!

   I laugh to myself at the guy's prank. He had gotten me going for a second there. Some bite of '87, animatronics trying to kill me. It was totally something Trent would think of.
I stretch out a bit and settle in my chair for the night, plugging a pair of earbuds into Trent's phone, then popping them in my ears. I check the cameras and see that the cleaner guy had left. 'I should ask that guy his name... After all, we'll be working together from eleven to tweleve every day.' I make a mental note to introduce myself next time I see him. Flipping through the remaining cameras, everything seems in place, so I lay back and relax.

   I hear a blood curtling scream and I wake up, being grabbed by a giant rabbit and carried down the hall. My sleep drugged mind tells me to resist, but I can't do anything to stop the robot. I go limp, thinking about what's happening. The guy on the phone must've been telling the truth, and now I was suffering the consequences... I guess I shouldn't have fallen asleep on the job in the first place. A door is opening and I'm being thrown onto the ground in the back room. The rabbit is slowly approaching me, a murdurous look in his eyes.

   I once watched a National Geographic about prey animals. When they thought they had a fighting chance, they panicked in a situation in which they were cornered, but when they knew they would die they would get unnaturally calm. I stared at my soon-to-be killer and felt my muscles untense. I wonder if Trent will get his phone back? I'm being picked up, and all I can think about is the fact that he may never see it again. A pain shoots up my leg and I look down, seeing my limb slowly ripped up as I'm stuffed in a suit. Looking a bit closer, I see that it's the new one that has face paint on it. I always liked clowns. Despite what people thought, I never saw them as scary. But this one was different. It was more like a jester, with an outfit laying next to it that is decorated with colourful stripes, along with a crown. 'Like some sort of King Jester...' I feel more pain, threatening to pull me into the realm of unconsiousness, inviting me to stop the pain. I can't quite fall into the mercy of sleep though, and I get to watch as my legs snap inside the dog's body. My bones are piercing my skin, small tips of white poking out. The robot's cold, metallic hands are pushing me into a position I can't fit into, but he's forcing me to. Is it a he? My last consious thought before I go under is... Purple is a weird colour for a guy.

   
   Waking up to silence, the teenager stretches out a bit. I must've woken up early, my alarm isn't going off. He slowly makes his way to the bathroom, rubbing his eyes a bit. He washes his face a bit before stepping in the shower. After he's ready, the good-looking teen goes to grab his phone, but can't find it. Mike must've taken it last night. Looking up at the clock in his room, he sees that the hands are both pointed up. Shit! It's noon, I'm so gonna be late! Rushing out the door, he grabs his car keys and speeds off to the fire station.

   Trent lies on his bed and sighs. He'd gotten laid off, and now he was out of a job. He hadn't seen Mike in days, and he never found his phone. Picking up the newspaper, he saw the same ad that he'd shown to Mike. Guess nobody knows where he is... Grabbing his keys, he makes his way to the pizzaria. I need a job, I guess this is as good as any.


   So, yeah... You should probably disreguard any prediction as to when I'm going to put out the next chapter, since I obviously can't plan for crap! That said, I'm going on vacation tomorrow, so there won't be another chapter for a week. Unless I get ahold of someone's computer. Anyways, I'll see you guys next time! Or, at least, when you post in the same thread as me. I'll see you around! Or, I mean, kind of around. Whatever. You get the point.
        Edit: My dad brought his laptop , so I may be able to post another chapter soon. That is, if I'm not doing too many vacation-y things. So yeah. I say "So yeah" a lot. Alright then, bye!

[Kara]

Ohhh nice! That was amazing! Am I going to be an antagonist? 
I wish I was this good at writing..


See you soon.

[Ginger Ale]

This might be a long post, so I'm sorry if it turns into a wall of text. When it comes to things like writing, I am brutally honest. Please don't take offense if I sound condescending. I've been trying to be nicer with my criticism. I mean well, and honestly, purely positive criticism will only bring you down. Also, you will notice that I will point out concerns first. That is because later on I will cover how to best address those problems.


With that aside, let's get started, shall we?


Firstly, the flow of your story is the biggest thing you need to work on. Don't worry, though, this is a common thing with fiction writing. I struggle with flow and consistency myself. Going along with my first point, there doesn't seem to be a lot of organization into your story. Your characters seem static, including the narrator. When I read your story, I am not engaged in it. The imagery is crisp and descriptive, but the setting is only one part of a story.


So, how do you fix these issues, you may ask? For one, an in-depth organization method really helps. Before you even start a story, put some time into creating personalities for the characters, ESPECIALLY the narrator. Create strengths and weaknesses, likes and dislikes, but whatever you do, STAY AWAY FROM THE TROUBLED PAST CLICHE. It is overused and uninteresting. I don't see this being a problem with any of your future stories, but it is always good to be prepared.


Another thing you need to work on is engaging the reader. Remember to be descriptive, but don't overdo it. Setting the scene is essential, but what goes on in the narrator's mind is far more essential in a story. Show what the character is thinking when possible. You did this very well in the third paragraph of the third chapter, with the narrator's (presumably) final thoughts.


There were a few strange parts, like the dream with the gold Freddy Fazbear. The narrator had to have been aware he was dreaming, as the story is present tense, and the narrator is able to freely ask questions. Though, perhaps it was a loosely controlled dream. I personally have little experience with dreams, as I almost never remember them for more than a few minutes after waking up. (Sorry for going on a tangent there, I'll get back to the review)


Moving on to your strong points. Your imagery is very VERY wonderful. I think that out of all the things you did in the story, the imagery was by far the best. The premise of the story was also fairly good. It wasn't a complete rehash of the "Five Nights at Freddy's" premise, and I commend you for that. I like what you did with the death of the narrator. A very bold move, and you pulled it off well. I do reccomend though, that you write the rest of the story in the first person, rather than third person. A first person view will be much more engaging.


That's about all I have to say. It may seem discouraging, but I have seen far worse. This was a pretty solid first try. I'd give it a 62/100. Not amazing by any stretch, but certainly not bad. It was pretty entertaining, and I enjoyed most of it. You just have some stuff to work on, and that's okay! Everyone does.


I hope you don't take my criticism as being mean. I tried to be nice  .


P.S. Remember next time to make a new paragraph every time someone talks.