A Warm Sunny Day

[Gissa The Hopper]

It’s was a warm sunny day in Houston, Texas. Stumble Kayobun, an ordinary Bunny of 21, fell down on his couch in his stinky cheap apartment, it’s been a long day for Stumble.


Stumble’s day began as usual with Trisha (His extremely hot, red headed, Cat neighbor he secretly likes) complaining about the noise of the party he had last night and the guests yiffing in the hallway. Of course he couldn’t remember a fraction of that night because he got wasted and passed out. After Stumble said sorry for the 100th time Trisha said “This is your last warning, next time I’ll call the police.” like she did every morning.


As Stumble got ready for his work as a car dealer he noticed while looking trough his window this grey Mercedes with two suspicious looking guys inside it, at first he didn’t really care but as he was driving in his Nissan Skyline GTR to the dealership he also noticed he got followed. He stopped by the road and the grey Mercedes drove further, “I need to stop with all that booze, it’s driving me paranoia” Stumble said to himself as he was getting back in his car.


As Stumble arrives at his work he sees the grey Mercedes parked in front. He steps out of his car and walks into the dealership, where the two men are waiting on him. This is the point where Stumble realized he wasn’t being paranoid. These men WERE following him! He walks to these men and asked “How could I help you?”. The blue dog answered: “Hi, I am Oliver and this is my colleague Jacko. We’re with the Houston Police Department and we’d like to ask you some questions.”


This Interrogation was going to change Stumble’s entire life.


Part 1


Author: Me (My Tumblr: http://furrystumbly.tumblr.com/)

[anoni]

It's a decent start! If I can offer some constructive criticism, I think you need to work a bit more on spelling things correctly and using the correct grammar. Also, the story seems very "tell", like you give us all the facts right there. One of the most important (and difficult) things in writing is to "show" not "tell", instead of simply saying "this character likes this character", infer to the reading that the attraction is there through indirect means. Like for example he could blush when talking with her, he could gaze at her for a long or her inner monologue could think about her. Try to show the reader that Stumble likes Trisha without actually saying it.

Other than that it's a good start