Lack of self-knowledge and confidence

[Ibi Tanvaal]

So, I have a peculiar issue where I have two 'personalities'. I have a completely different personality when I'm online as opposed to seeing people IRL.
IRL, straight male. Unsure of self and somewhat socially-awkward and introverted.
Internet, I start to feel genderfluid. More open about things.


I'm also super unsure of whether to tell people close to me about my internet fluidity, among other things.
Due to my parents having a 5-year, super messy divorce, I felt the need to put on a mask to support my sisters. Now, I feel like that's the thing that everyone knows - the mask.
I'd like to remove the mask but my uncertainty about how people might react has lead me to be absolutely petrified of taking it off.
I'm not the best at ranting but I feel like my internet personality is more open about things. My IRL self is barely ever open about my problems.


If anyone feels like they have any idea of what I mean then feel free to PM/reply to this post.
If anyone feels like they can help me then absolutely PM/reply to this post.
I'm grateful that there is a community where I can be open about things and not fear judgement.
~Ibi~

[Ventus Fall]

Hey there Ibi

It totally makes sense that online and offline (/IRL) you have different 'personalities'. This has to do with various factors, including that online you feel you can (more) control who knows what about you. Heck, you can even create a fursona and act all cute while maybe in real life you don't really want -or feel the need to- act cute. I don't want to linger too much on the why's  and how's  of that particular subject, but more on what I read is bothering you, which I can understand and I hope I can say something to help you with ^^


Is there anyone in real life, a friend or family member or perhaps any of your sisters (I don't know how old they are), who you can be open with and talk to? Anyone at all?

I'm sorry to hear your parents went through a divorce, especially one that didn't go so quick and clean. I think that would have saved you a lot of pain and worries. I don't know how old your sisters were or now, but they went through the same things as you did. I understand you had to put up a mask, though I cannot say for sure why. I can only guess it is so you could seem strong and supportive for your sisters.
But if anything, I think you can start opening up to them, talk about it to them, say you felt you needed to help them, support them. And that's why you were wearing a mask for protection, so you could do the things you wanted to do without breaking down.
That's what I believe masks are usually made and used for; to not show your true feelings. And judging from what I've read, you probably had an extremely difficult time.  Try to open up to them, and see how it goes.
Don't be afraid, they are your sisters.


Take care, and most importantly: Don't feel afraid to be yourself. Not online nor offline.

[Ibi Tanvaal]

Thanks for your help Ventus, I really appreciate what you've said and I'll definitely be keeping those points in mind.
One of my sisters would be somewhat open to talking to but the other two don't really keep secrets about anything ever...
Similar issue with my Mum - She would inadvertently tell everyone I know and then my sisters would find out.
Biggest issue would be my Dad, he's the super-radical-shove-down-your-throat-without-realising type of christian which overwhelms me a bit, and it also leads to my lack of openness since I know that he'll be against the idea and tell me that it's not a real thing (which isn't the best way to work through a problem)


It'll take some time, but I think I'll be able to tell people a little easier once I know exactly who I am and who I want to be.
~Ibi~

[Ventus Fall]

Glad I could help somewhat

If you ever need help again or just someone to talk to, feel free to post a message again on the forums or reach out to people.
You may also message me (sometimes I will respond fast,  other times a bit slow, like now ^^; ).


Take care, and things will get better, maybe you can talk with that one sister of yours. Tell her you would like to talk to her some time she isn't too busy (ask her if it's ok to talk with her), and start opening up to her. You don't have to tell her everything and overflow her with information.
Feel free to also prepare the conversation, filter the important from the non-important points (as a way to prevent the overflow of info)