I'm not exactly sure where to start on this. I understand what you're saying. But it's because I haven't given you the whole story that you're getting a little thrown off. Now you're probably confused or thinking I'm extremely retarded...possibly both. The thing is, I respect my mom but I don't have respect for my dad because he doesn't have for respect me (So why would I respect him? huh?). Most of the time, he is a total ********. Every time I try to do something, it just isn't good enough for him. He isn't around much but when he is, he's always yelling at me, he thinks I'm a lazy, useless pile of **** who always ***** up. But I don't, I'm not and I know it. I love my parents but I would like some recognition and appreciation at least once without him making fun of me for something else. The last thing I need is someone telling me I don't try or don't try hard enough.
I feel isolated, backed into a corner, and that the only way to make my dad satisfied with me is if I was out of the picture entirely. He doesn't respect me when I try or when I fail or even offer support. Like you said, why should I care? This is the reason I feel like killing myself. I'm tired of it. He makes me feel so useless, I don't even want to bother with anything. I stopped doing things I enjoy because he made me feel as if I sucked at everything, so now I see that if this is how my life is going to be then **** it. I don’t know if you know what it feels like when your best is never good enough for your own father and the only thing that is keeping me alive is my mom and my friends. The smoking and drinking is my own problem but I don’t know if it’s because they give me a good feeling or if it’s because I find solace in the fact that it’ll eventually kill me that I continue. I respect those who respect me when I try and for when I do a good job. I respect my friends, my mom and even all of you for even replying.
Happy ******* father's day, dad.
Watch your use of language, bleeping it out does not excuse it.
~ Tezztor