The Story Improv Game

[Gabag]

but i dont like to wear my failures, but i acknowledge them, besides all I really want is the criticism (p.s. i know your criticism is for my little tid bit story however my ego won't stand for it to remain)


Gabag was sitting in his house, in the large open Great Room, loading up one of the more difficult missions of TIE Fighter on his laptop.

"First mission objective is to ensure Container Transport group Neele isn't captures by the enemy.. ok.. next objective is to destroy 75% of the traitor craft... secondary mission objectives no surprise has me inspecting enemy starships. Enemy craft consists of a first wave of Assault Gunboats trying to capture Con Trans. Neele and a TIE Defender flight group flying fighter cover of the operation.. at least i'm in a Missile Boat this time as Mu 1..." said Gabag to himself.
Pressing the 'Fly Mission' button, Gabag hoped he could beat it without restarting a lot like the last mission.
'Initializing Combat Sequence'

"Mu 1 glad your here!" chimed an unnamed crewman from the Con Trans. group. "Yes now let me do my job" muttered Gabag as he initiated his overdrive SLAMS and hightailed it towards the enemy assault gunboats. "Ok 2.80 kilometres away, switching to missiles and shooting two per gunboat" he thought aloud as he launched the missles at the enemy gunboat Tau 1. The advanced concussion missiles rocketed towards Tau 1, and slammed in the engines, forcing the energy output of both the engines and missiles to vaporize Tau 1. Locking onto Tau 2, Gab fired another salvo, and destroyed him two.

Unfortunately now the TIE Defenders took notice of him. Delta One immediately broke off from formation and locked on, firing an advanced concussion missile, with Delta 2 doing the same, Delta 3 and 4 continued onwards to engage the lone escort of the transports, a lowly escort shuttle.

Hearing the klaxons in his craft blare and his commanding officer warn him of incoming missiles, Gab pulled into a steep dive, weaving as he evaded the missiles, while switching to lasers to sweep the Assault Gunboat groups, which only had 5 kilometres to their targets. Siphoning power from the tractor beam weapon to his engines, Gab rocketed behind the gunboats and fired his laser cannon, putting enough pressure on to force the pilots to try and evade, however he was right behind Tau 3, who only had 50% hull integrity left. Continuing to fire, Gab smiled as the gunboat fell  apart, and one of the wings flew haphazardly past him, slamming into Tau 4, destroying him.

However Gab forgot about the missiles, with one slamming into his rear shields, bringing them down to 50% power. Diverting power from his laser cannon to his shields, he watched his flank a lot more often now, especially with TIE Defenders firing at him from the rear.

'Warning, 1 Imperial Star Destroyer entering at 5 km'

'Warning 1 Carrack Cruiser entering at 5 km'

'Warning 1 Nebulon B Frigate entering at 5 km'

"Mu 1 go inspect the new craft." droned the briefing officer. "KINDA BUSY GETTING SHOT AT RIGHT NOW BUT FINE!" Gabag yelled at his computer, engaging SLAMs to accelerate towards the capital ships.

'Warning 5 Assault Trans. entering at 3 km'

"Geez thats a lot of firepower' Gabag muttered to himself while firing missiles towards the assault transports. Four missiles was all it took to take one down, and soon Omega 1 was up in flames and spiraling out of control. The Nebulon B Frigate responded to the death of a comrade by firing lots and lots of turbolasers. Pulling up and down, Gabag doged most of the lasers, however the laser wall hit the Carrack Cruiser, which responded by firing it's numerous turbolaserslasers at the Nebulon B Frigate.

'Carrack Cruiser Lednomta has been inspected, no cargo aboard.

'Imperial Star Dest Glory has been inspected, no cargo onboard.'

'Nebulon B Frigate Shamus has been inspected, no cargo onboard.'

"So I risked the primary objective FOR NO CARGO!?" Gabag yelled, infuriated at the game for it's ludacrisy. The Shamus suddenly erupted into flames and spiraled out of control, as it fired a few last ditch shots at the Lednomta before it exploded in a glorious fireball.
Now the Lednomta trained it's cannons at Mu 1 and shot numerous bursts after him.

'Warning 5 TIE Defenders entering at 1 km'

'Warning 10 TIE Advanceds entering at 1 km'

"Your kidding!" Gab gasped. Indeed one missile boat against a lot of enemy fighters was a daunting thing, especially since there was no allies to assist him in the firefight. Unfortunately for him, all the new craft locked onto him with their missiles and fired as one. As Gabag tried his best to desperately evade, 8 missiles found their mark, and his craft was incinerated.

"ARRRGHHHH NOT AGAIN!" Gabag yelled as the 'Mission Failed' flashed across his screen. "How do they expect me to do this level!"

[Drako2k0]

5/10

- Although not completely important, it is generally practiced to write out numbers that are less than 10

-

and destroyed him two.

Two should be too

- I understand you opened with him playing a game, however I feel there was a lot of unnecessary description about what he's playing that is likely irrelevant to the story itself, meaning I don't believe the story was actually set up at all yet which is important for any story.


Now to continue mine:

Fenrir looked to Squire Harold, "Are you ok? What's wrong?" he moved to assist him if necessary. Harold's shoulders lurched forward a couple times, as if he were choking. Fenrir approached, and patted him on the back. After a moment, Harold turned to look at Fenrir.

"I am fine, thank you, just got something stuck in my throat, that's all." He reassured Fenrir. "As I was saying, there's an abandoned house at the back of the slums district that we believe might contain evidence of a plot against the kingdom. It is the wish of our lord, his majesty that you invesitage. Will you do this for us?" Fenrir studied Harold for a moment, then nodded.

"I shall do as his majesty commands, will I be receiving any assistance with my task?" he asked, straightening himself once he was sure Harold was alright.

Harold nodded, and took a moment to clear his throat. "I have asked one of the clerics to assist you, if indeed we are dealing with dark magick, you will need the protection of the holy light. He will await you at the house. Now go, as I understand you have little under a couple hours to complete your assignment and report back to us." Fenrir saluted Harold, who returned the gesture, then took a left at the next hallway, leaving Harold to his work, and headed for the front door of the barracks.

Harold watched Fenrir til he was out of sight, then placed his thumb and forefinger over his eyes. Straightening up after a few seconds, he cleared his throat again, and gulped heavily. He turned, and left through a nearby secret passage in the wall.