HUNGER? More like that feeling you'll NEVER HAVE AGAIN.

[Alonzorion]

I'm your biggest fan so... Keep it vegetarian. ^^

Ooooh... hmm... I know NOTHING about vegan foods... I'll see what I can do, lol.

Google, don't fail me.

Vegetarian, not vegan *backhanded!*

[Arcc]

I love this thread.

so much

[Sync]

AAAAAAGH. Ok, this is just a heads up... I made this one yesterday, BEFORE I read any of the posts after my "I'm gonna cook real stuffs" post. I'm sorry ahead of time, because...

Well, it involves eggs. Two of them, to be exact...

But I had it all uploaded onto photobucket, so I figured, "why not?" RAGH. If I could have accessed the forums yesterday, I wouldn't have concocted...

Cookies


Everybody knows that in order to make good cookies, you have to shave. Time to get rid of that neckbeard, cave dweller!



The next step is to return a call to your local bank to try and figure out why they listed your latest Steam purchase as a possible fraud.



Now we can begin! Put on your super intelligent face as you look for all the ingredients. Also be sure to google "Chocolate Chip Cookies" and use the FIRST recipe that appears.



Find all ingredients. Take a moment and feel awesome about yourself. Also, note how shadows and resizing created the illusion of either an obscenely large upper lip, or a Hitler mustache.



That is a cup of brown sugar. Resist the urge to give your cookies the Bird and eat that mountain.

...



IMPORTANT: Make a sandcastle out of the ingredients, then give it a funny name. This one here is Castle Moustachio of Bowl-Land.



Be sure to mix the ingredients together with a tool meant for a completely different task. (Pictured: Potato Masher) Also, remember that this is a castle - take mild joy in imagining that you are a giant that is mashing a medieval castle into stew for your supper. Mmmmm, screaming villagers.



Note that your cookie dough currently looks more like your Grandmother's failed potato salad. Have bad memories of food poisoning.



Realize that you put in approximately 1/3 of a cup too much of brown sugar. FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-



Put in the flower. Note that it looks even more like a terrible potato salad. This is where you'd usually add the chocolate chips. say "Screw it", and leave them out.



Try to figure out how to use the oven. Give up after five minutes.



Begin simply consuming the cookie dough straight. Mmmmm, tastes good.



Forget the baking soda until it's too late to add in. It won't matter.



Continue eating plain cookie dough.



Start feeling weird. Too much cookie dough. Make an omlette.



Eat omlette. Realize that the terrible feeling is your subconscious waging war on you (using guilt) for not giving your dough the opportunity to achieve its full potential and be a REAL cookie.



Blame cookie dough for your failures. Yell, "WHY CAN'T YOU BE MORE LIKE YOUR YOUNGER BROTHER, OMLETTE?!" Cry self to sleep.



Go to councilor. Apologize to cookie dough. Take awkward family photo.


----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

By the way, the mistake with adding the baking soda too late? yeah. My sis came home later that night and helped me out with the oven. THE COOKIES CAME OUT FLAT.

Oh, and we made a cookie that covered a whole baking sheet. It's seriously the size of my stomach.

[Timmy Fox]

HAHAHA, you gotta make more tutorials, I LOVE EM!

[Sync]

This one was hard. it took me an HOUR just to find a good recipe. Anyways, enjoy the fruits of my labor!

Cereal

It's morning, and you're hungry. The box of Ritz crackers just ran out. What to do? Make cereal!

Step 1:

Collect a box of cereal, some milk, and a bowl. Don't forget to get a spoon.



Step 2:

CAREFULLY pour out a quantity of cereal to fill your selected bowl approximately 2/3 of the way full. CAREFUL!



Here is what your bowl should currently look like:



Step 3:

Preheat oven to 355 degrees Fahrenheit.


Step 4:

Place bowl of cereal in oven.



Wait for approximately 10 minutes, or until the cereal is lightly browned.


Step 5:

Remove the cereal and pour in milk until the cereal begins to rise.


Step 6:

Meticulously pat down every piece of cereal so that all pieces absorb a small quantity of milk.



Step 7:

Enjoy your bachelor dinner. What, you didn't think I knew that wasn't for brekkie?


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Another day, another confusing recipe.

EDIT: Christ, I look sick as a dog in that last picture.

[Alonzorion]

As demanded by Mister Sync... I shall now present my ideal breakfast, so anyho, on with the show; cook along Loni and Parsley!


Okay, so here's a breakfast dish Loni likes to call... That stuff I crave at roughly 4am. As we all know, Loni is probably having cravings due to being pregnant once again with yet another of V'ver's.


Anyho... For that stuff Loni craves at roughly 4am you'll need; porridge oats, milk, chocolate spread, and perhaps some sugar depending on how sweet your taste is... As you can see all the ingredients are below... Loni and Parsley are complete snobs and have thus chosen to use the more expensive brand products... Oh... Not all the ingredients are there after all! The milk is missing, however... Fear not because it will be making a suprise appearance later on in the show!


Firstly, insert into a bowl the amount of porridge oats and sugar desired depending on level of hunger and how sweet ones taste is...


And then whilst avoiding looking at Loni's scarcely bony hands, follow the example below and carefully insert three spoons of chocolate spread into the bowl using two spoons...


Don't waste the remainder of that chocolate spread! LICK THE SPOON CLEAN!


And then suffer from the guilt of knowing that the next person in your household who has a chocolate spread sandwich will also be devouring traces of your saliva too after you helped yourself to another spoonful using the same spoon...


Next use your judgement to determine just how much milk will be required to produce the stuff Loni craves at roughly 4am to your liking...
Do you like it thin? Use plenty of milk.
Do you like it thick? Don't use as much.
Simples.
As you can see, the fabled milk has finally made it's surprise appearance below and is tactically being used in order to cover Parsley's crotch area.


WHAT ARE YOU DOING? Don't just place that milk straight into the mixture fool! First heat it either using a microwave or hob as the chocolate spread must melt! Remember kids, don't forget to ask mommy or daddys permission before using the cooker or microwave or Parsley will be a sad veggie-dog.


A professional chef DOES NOT waste time simply waiting for their dish to cook, a profession chef does something efficient with their time such as; reading, writing, sudoku or like Loni... Touching up on their eye-liner.


A professional chef also doesn't forget they left something cooking and set the house ablaze...


Luckily for Loni; furry companion Parsley has not been as forgetful and saved the day...


So now the milk is heated we add to the mixture a little at a time whilst stirring...


Until it looks somewhat as undesirable as this.


Now enjoy your stuff that Loni craves at roughly 4am! And if you don't like it, why waste? It can also be used as cement...


Finally, like any other good TV duo, some badly photographed fan service... DAW.

[Vver]

:I Another of MY kids? It can't be. I was away on that business trip...


That looks delicious. :I I want it.

[iKero-chu™]

ROFL.
Omg I love these, they are epic.

I love you.
Marry me?
My boyfriend never has to know.
o:

[jakob_furreault]

thanks alot ikero chu, i havent lost the game in a month *mumbles darkly*

[Sync]

Lol, good work, fellow chef.

You leave me speechless. I... I guess I'll just have to salute you.

... Too bad you couldn't see that through the internet.

...Hmm, we need to collaborate. What to do next...

[Fuzzled]

i made some soufflés today
not exactly something you can throw together quickly, but delicious and classy ;D
i might post a guide on making food as delicious as what i prepare xDD