Darkened Embrace (The Forgotten)

[Moongaze]

Oh blackest raven take flight out of here,
Tear the sky from lips.
A pale mist falls under the trees.
At the writhing haunt, I am beside myself
In bleakest wood a ghastly breeze came forth unto me...

...And whispered your name.

Oh spiritress of this darkening hour,
Envision me from the void from whence you came
I call unto thee, "drain my soul from my eyes."
The trees let out a silent lamentation...

...They whispered my name.

Is this the peak of reality?
Blackest raven!  Tear my heart from my chest!
For I have lost all will to live...

Wandering through this forest, a startling sight.
She sat by the lonesome river crying, "take me away..."

Spiritress of the darkened woods, speak,
"Take my hand, I shall cast us to the water."

Under autumn skies she cried,"take my hand...  Cast us into the depths..."
Spiritress...  Grant me final death!


^^^

One of my more darker works.  I might add music to that...  It would make a superb doom metal song...

[Asia Kali Yusufzai]

I'm not a fan of using ye olde languagey or overtlly dramatic death poems but you do use some great ideas and also cuts in rhythm and movement where elsewhere it flows. The spiritress is a fantastic name and evokes brilliant and ghostly images. I like the pulling sensation to it, pulling into the depths.
There's certainly some depth to it, and motion and emotion.

I'm not a fan of such things but I can see why it's good.

[Moongaze]

Emotion, depth, poetic/lyrical nature and rhythm is a must when I think about writing.  Symbolism, personification, and conflict are my most used literary elements.  I want the reader to feel what I'm writing.

Symbols would be the raven, ie. A harbinger of death OR the dread and dismal feelings leaving the narrator.

Of course...  The Spiritress: A ghastly image that comes to the narrator in the "darkening hour."

Language...  I like using "highbrow" language in my writing, but not to a point where it's unoriginal and lacking in such a way that the reader gets lost.  As far as ye olde English goes...  I love it.  I'm a fan of most of Shakespeare's works, I'm  a huge fan of Edgar Allen Poe...  Other poets to name a few: Henry David Thoreau, Walt Whitman, Robert Frost, pretty much all the writers and poets of the mid to late 1800's transcendentalist movement.  Their works were something of genius.