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Author Topic: Twilight Lament  (Read 1113 times)

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Offline WolfCubLorent

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  • I'm the light within the darkness
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  • Species: Siberian Eclipse Hucky Cub
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Twilight Lament
« on: May 04, 2010, 02:42:29 PM »
-Now I Lay Dying-
04/16/10 ‘Twilight Lament’ By: Lorent K. Cub
I try to get away
But all I do is cry…….
The splintering the aching
The ripping the tearing
The scaring the burning
The torture that is all that’s forced on me
Imprisoned inside my own heart I am
I am afraid to crawl out to see the light
I’m lost in my sorrow
In there I so shut my doors and windows…

Deeper I’m falling into despair
The demons of my own creation reapair
Please reach out to me in the darkness
End this suffocation without demise as a resolution
So lonely so cold
So lonely so cold…

Take a look at me
So cold and all alone
I lay around in pools of my own blood
And I can’t reach the light…

Darkness covers me
My soul has yet to long
I’m searching for serenity
‘Cause I can’t reach the light…


I cry on this night
I cry some where deep within
This will help me
To walk through the shadows
To cross their line
Throught the darkness into the light…

I’ve tried all that I can
I tremble with my face in the ground
With my hands tied and tightly wound
Taking all of it with tears falling into the abyss
The abyss filled by everyones love…

Too numb to feel pain
Too empty to feel comfort
Yet my pain won’t go away
Still my comfort hides from them…

Please take me there
To the place where there is no despair
Where everyone cares
And no more falling tears…

I hate them
I f*****g hate you
Screams out hate…
Screams out no…

I cry…
Save me from these endless days
Release me here and now
‘Cause I can’t reach the light.
No resolution for me
No happy ending for one who bleeds
Bleeds blood from his own innocents…

I cry…….
The splintering the aching
The ripping the tearing
The scaring the burning
The torture that is all that’s forced on me…

I cry…I try to get away…
But they grab me…
Again…and again…and again……
Until…I brake inside
After I’m raped from the inside...

Now I’m raped on the outside………
Logged
-Pain Is Weakness Leaving My Body-

Yes I'm a Siberian Elcipse Husky Cub who's also a TB/DL. I'm cute and cuddly along with a little bite :P. My name is Lorent, and yes I'm bisexual also, I write poetry short stories and lyrics.
My Family whom I LOVE <333333333333333333333

Daddy Shinzuu aka-Shinzuu Katame: Her Tolfy

Younger Sis My aka-Mystique
Older Sister Shera aka-SheraDead
Younger Sis Nyyri aka-Nyyrikkia

Older Bro Shiro aka-Shiro Chan
Younger Brother Resa aka-Resa F
Twin Brother Gray aka-HowlTheGrayWolf
Younger Bro Buddy aka-BuddyWolf

Offline Asia Kali Yusufzai

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Re: Twilight Lament
« Reply #1 on: May 06, 2010, 06:54:03 AM »
That was pretty cool. I like some of the play with form that you did, it did entertain me in some ways.

Just a few small mistakes here and there

Quote
Imprisoned inside my own heart I am
No need for the rejigged sentence structure. It doesn't work and is just distracting

Quote
In there I so shut my doors and windows…
I so shut my doors? is that just a spelling error?

Quote
Deeper I’m falling into despair
The demons of my own creation reapair
Reapair? as in Reap Air? or as in Repair your dispair even though they're demons.

Quote
My soul has yet to long
yet to long for what?

Quote
The abyss filled by everyones love…
Could you explain this metaphor for me?

Quote
Still my comfort hides from them…
hides from who?


Good job, this was good.
Logged
"Parents always think kids are wasting their youth, and always have done [so] down through the millennia," says Tom Forsyth of RAD Game Tools. "'That Ug, always holding things. His front paws will develop in funny ways. Why can't he walk on all fours like normal proto-hominids?' And so, whatever the kids spend the most time doing, that's always what parents think is a waste of time, and what is corrupting their lives. It doesn't matter what that is. If all they did was homework, parents would be worrying that their kids aren't becoming well-rounded people. And, in fact, parents do this - enrolling math nerds in karate classes and the like. There is no way to win - parental paranoia ensures that kids are always doing the wrong thing."


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