Rants: Everyday Venting

[NautilusWolf]

Getting real sick of being depressed and feeling alone. Really starting to piss me off.

[Zephyr]

Depression is something i've never really gotten over, and i dont think i ever will..


But talking to someone about it definitely helps..

[Trixsie Vixen]

Really been trying to keep up a brave face.  But I think I'm just about at breaking point.  I can't cope. I need a break from being the only functional adult.

[Cheza]

"Why don't you come home visiting more often?"
Oh, I'm so (not) going to tell you >.>

- Mom's drunk more than half the time and that immediatly goes out over me because there's noone else here.
- My brother only talk about one thing these days and it happens to be LoL.
- My grandparents are stuck in the past thinking I'm still 5 and they treat me like I'm retarded because they -actually- believe I am. (How do I know? Those big woof-ears of mine are not just for show...). Any attemp to tell them I'm almost 20 ends up with everyone calling me ungrateful and stupid. Guess I'll have to apologize for not liking chocolates, candy and strawberries all that much anymore then... >.>
- The internet here is a joke and randomly disappears for up to several hours. That forces me to go spend time with mom and have the front seat to the drunken madness.

I can't go home yet because it's "too soon" and it'd only make things worse, but I also can't take much more of this. The drunkness makes me anxious and restless because it takes me straight back to the days before I was sent to the orphanage (Mom's painkillers (or whatever it is they feed people who have cancer) must've caused some odd effect together with the alcohol because she got awful mood swings and went as far as to "throw me out".. She had forgotten about that 30 minutes later when dad arrived to pick me up tho. She was also whining about killing herself and tons of other things noone should have to watch.)
My grandparents are just driving me crazy. I'm -not- stupid or retarded. I'm just being me. I don't like having people touching me without warning, and that's not "rude" or "impolite" of me. Aspergers is -not- an "idiot disease that makes your head all messed up". I'm so sorry to have disappointed them because of matters that are completely out of my control. I can't honestly say I like them, but that's because I -know- that they talk behind my back.

They keep complaining about -me- never visiting -them-, but where in the whole sweet hundred-dollar Hellllsinki where -they- when I was stuck at the orphanage? "Oh, but it's so far awaaaaay".
Why would it be any shorter for me who don't even have my own car?
(I faithfully visited them about every other weekend when I was allowed home "on vacation" for almost three years, and that's still not good enough?)


- If mom would only care to keep the bottles and cans away for the few weeks her "BAWWWLOVED daughter who was brutally torn away from her by the evil state" was visting it'd be a lot better and we could have a lot more fun.
- If my grandparents could accept and respect that I'm not going to become "like *random classmate* it'd also be great. Constantly getting compared to others and having my own works looked down at gets really tiring. (And I can't honestly remember ever asking them "why they can't be more like *random classmates grandparents*" or something similar to that)
Also having them accept that I'm no longer that happy little girl who saw only sunshine and ponies everywhere would making stuff a lot less annoying. I don't like having people randomly pat me on my butt or chest.


In my opinion I'm not asking for too much (considering how they all turned their backs on me during the three years I spent at the orphanage). I just want to be accepted the way I am, or if that's impossible, be left alone.
But since opening my mouth and speaking up about anything will only lead to me getting called "ungrateful" and/or "stupid" I can't do much about it other than write walls of text and silently cry once everyone else has gone to sleep.


Empty one and unseen protector, give me strength.

[The Past]

My best advice: Cut ties with them. Given how bad it is and how set in their ways they are, there comes to a point where there is nothing you can do to convince them to treat you like a normal human being. People often go on about how you should "stick with your family no matter what", and that is some of the worst advice one can give. In some unfortunate cases, family members can be very poisonous people, and their antics hit even harder because they are so close. The best thing you can do is stay away from that environment and move on with your life. You have plenty of things better worth your time; They're much less stressful or painful, as well.


EDIT (I'm the last post at the moment):

For whatever reason, among many other issues with random moods, I often get this sudden feeling of intense guilt. It doesn't matter what I do, I could just be sitting there doing nothing, and I'll get this random guilt trip and I have no idea what I'm actually feeling guilty about. It's just this nagging feeling that I did or am doing something wrong. Like I'm the most horrid being on the planet just for existing. It makes me want to curl up in bed and die.

[Midnight Madness]

I need to get some ambition. I don't write anymore, I don't do martial arts and I barely read. I think work made it worse.

[White Wolf Guardian]

I've made a terrible mistake again, now I have to find some way to fix it.

[anoni]

You know, three credits ( and one distinction (A) I was fine with, they were high credits (70, 73 and 74 with distinction cutoff being 75) and high level distinction (84 high distinction cutoff being 85) and so altogether was above a distinction average, and I was fine with that. But everyone insists on trying to make me feel bad about my marks, saying "Oh yeah, sorry, I just thought you were one of us nerdy furs" and going "huh, and I always thought you were the smartest". According to them they are "teasing" but what kind of bullshit is that!

If they really want me to feel self conscious about my marks then they achieved their goal.

[Grey]

^You're still the smartest person I know, rivaling my brother even.


My Dad has the idea that I don't care for my ferrets on the basis that they smell. What he doesn't realise is that they always smell like that.

[Cheza]

And so it happened again...


Actually thought today would be a good day. Got up at around 11 in the morning, had a few sandwiches and just enjoyed the quiet morning. Then mom woke up.. She brewed coffee and we talked a little about this and that. She followed up the coffee with a beer..
I went back to my room and just surfed around a bit, hanging a bit here and a bit there, until there was this thunderstorm. I kinda felt like it'd be impossible to properly explain it away if I just avoided her, so I went and sat with mom. The collection of empty cans had grown quite a bit already. We ended up talking about more stuff, and I kinda felt like -maybe- there still some hope left..
Then she asked me to come with her to the store..
She ended up walking right next to me, holding my hand, pulling my hood down and talking to me in her most annoying drunk-voice all the way.. Outside the store, the local drunk guy and his "apprentice" (and old classmate of mine) sat and did nothing. She went all "how the fnö do we get past them? I don't wanna talk to them" and I just went all "We walk past them?"
Said and done, she rushed me past them as if they were carrying the plague.
Inside the store I had to stand there and pretend like it was nothing when she recycled a whole woofing bag full of empty cans and bottles..
We ended up leaving the store with 3 bottles of coke, 1 can of cream and 9 cans of beer..
Outside the store I was gonna do an honest attemp to make stuff a bit less embarrasing by not rushing past the other guy, but mom ended up messing the whole thing up even more by kinda introducing me to him (We know each other and stuff.. It just got so awkward I'd have been ready to drop the bags right there and then)
The she kinda ended up going all "Yeah, gotta go, kthnxbai" and kinda -dragged- me with her like I was some sort of disobedient child... Telling me, perfectly within earshot of the other guys "That guy was drooling over you" or somthing along those lines..


I don't know why I bother or why I'm even hoping for a change anymore.. I'm this close to crying.. I want to go home and never return here.
But I can't go alone since there are no trains/buses going, and the only times she's not at work, she's drunk or having more important plans.


If I really am her "precious little girl", then why the helllsinki can't she stay away from the bottles for even a single day? :/

[SadDubwool]

Another rant including the internet:Equestrian dreamers




OK i am a new brony so....his "Forum"  pissed me off because of the pure hostility people pour into their  reply's If i ask a question


I get: "Thats a dumb question" OR "N00B YOU ARE A N00B AHAHAHAHA"


I also get:"Stop spaming *****" And "Loser,you don't even know about season___ or _____"


It also turns out I get Hate pm's in my box alot


you know aren't bronies supposed to "Love and Tolerate"?

[Nrein]

{Insert initial rant here}
you know aren't bronies supposed to "Love and Tolerate"?

I think I heard something similar about furries. You'd be surprised the amount of hate I get from people for being a Pokefur lately, to the point of being told I may as well be a pedophile e.e

[MrRazot]

Doesn't that just show how bigoted some people are...

[Midnight Madness]

{Insert initial rant here}
you know aren't bronies supposed to "Love and Tolerate"?

I think I heard something similar about furries. You'd be surprised the amount of hate I get from people for being a Pokefur lately, to the point of being told I may as well be a pedophile e.e

Good God, I am so sorry you guys have to put up with that crap.  my fiend Troi started out as a Pokefur and became a brony, and in neither area did I ever hear about him getting flak for it. I guess it's just some absurd luck of the draw.

As for me, I'm getting sick and tired of being expected to master everything in a day or two at work. Being a fast learner doesn't mean you know it the second you touch it. I've been working in a new department for five days and have had eyes rolled at me for not knowing every little trick in the book.

[Grey]

Having a fantastic day today. I woke up to my brother slamming his fist on my bedroom door to get out of my room they can get to the spare room. (My room is practically a through-fare) So I do as he says and not a minute later he slams at my door again, telling me to hurry up. He only shouts at me when I tell him I need some time to get dressed.

While I'm making myself breakfast I hear my Dad telling my brother's gf that she will have to move everything I own out of the way of the door. Nice one Dad. Totally hadn't had to put up with being yelled at while I moved all my shit for her after he got dressed. I get ridiculed by my brothers for my foul mood which doesn't help, and before I even get to eat I'm told to friggen got to the shop for 'em. An hour later I finally get to eat in my room when my brothers start throwing things at my door to get my attention. Walking up the stairs and knocking on my door is getting old apparently.

I'm so bloody sick of being treated like crap, but everytime I stand up for myself my Dad just yells me down and punishes me for having a mind of my own, and that's not even half of it.

This rant is way to long, but I really had to post this.