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Author Topic: The Unspoken Truth  (Read 1134 times)

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Offline Self-sain

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The Unspoken Truth
« on: November 17, 2010, 01:02:22 AM »
“In ancient times, the humans lived among other anthromorphic creatures, or an animal with human qualities. They lived among each other with little issues. The humans where the most dominate in terms of numbers. They grew tired of being associated with there cousins, the apes, chimps, and the others. They soon gathered there armies of the best knights, and most fearsome archers, and attacked there less civilized cousins. The other groups watched as this happened, they considered it fighting within the family. As the human armies swept across the villages, they began to notice something, there cousins where losing there anthromorphic features, a process that was called fearization. They soon pulled back, and started to slowly isolate there cities from the other groups. There was one city, in present day Moscow, where every group lived. At the time this was the head of the world, anything diplomatic, finical, or anything else that may have been of importance, was held there. This city was called, “Blood Red”, was controlled by an ancient group. They where very few in numbers, and only resided at there city. They where know as the Chiroptera, or nicknamed vampire bats. They had gray fur, about as tall as a large man, and had a wing span of about six feet. They where the thing of legends and horror stories, they feed on other creatures blood, and where said to poses super natural powers. The humans feared this small group, they had advance technology, political power every where, and could easily crush any group that where to stand against them. The humans knew this, but they knew that they where not the only group that feared them, or wanted to end them. One of the few groups that was actually considered an allie by the humans , the Canis Lupus where easily convinced to aid in the fight against Chiroptera. Another group, not an allie, nor an enemy, had spies every where. One of there diplomatics came to the human official, and the offered to aid the humans in the upcoming battle. The humans knew they where being used, but the Felis Catus knew that even with the two largest groups, they stood no chance against the raw might of the Chiroptera empire. They aggred and they soon gatherd there respected armies, and surrounded “Blood Red”. The Chiroptera shaman sinced the upcoming battle, so they struck forst, attacking the Felis Catus, taking out a large portion of there main army. The Felis Catus genral recoverd the loss quite quickly and earned the group the nick name of “nine lives”. The Chiroptera fought hard, but where massively out numbered, they where driven from there only home, and the humans took control of the city. The human government offered a high paying reward for any Chiroptera caught and killed, driving them into extinction, leaving the humans at the top of the world unchallenged. The human officials knew the only way for them to guarantee that they would hold there throne, was to eliminate all other groups. They took out ach group one by one, cleaning them from the essence of history. The Felis Catus and Canis Lupus where always mortal enemies, and soon after the onslaught of the human armies, they feralized one and other. The humans now stood unchallenged, and with no need for any one to need to know of this great blood shed, the story of the great anthromorphic creatures faded from history.” A pale man in a business suite said to a group of children, he looked at his watch, and the gazed at the group of children.
“So, Mr. Is that why cats and dogs don’t like each other?”, the man laughed in a playful manner at the child’s question. “Well, I guess so”, “Mr. Why haven’t I ever heard this story before?”, “Because it never happened” the man said as he stood up and patted the child on the head. He out his top hat on, and walked away, blending with the large group of New Yorkers strolling by.

This is the begging of a story, I'll post more If people want, but will see where this leads.

I've been writing a lot, wanting to get my skills up for any creative writing scholarships, if you know of any just pint this lil o furry the right way please.

Comment and advice please

And P.S- This is not just another, human vs. furry story, this has a lot more then just evil humans and poor furrys.
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Offline tangletail

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Re: The Unspoken Truth
« Reply #1 on: January 19, 2011, 04:26:15 AM »
I like it. Though i recomend breaking long stories off into paragraphs so its easy to keep up with. Short paragraphs is better then a super paragraph!

When you turn to a different charecter its like being a director. Your camera does not turn to them it pops next to them! In other words a new paragraph if you switch charecters, does not imply for a large group, but it does so if there is dialog.
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Offline serpington

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Re: The Unspoken Truth
« Reply #2 on: January 19, 2011, 09:47:27 AM »
really good so far, i agree with tangle completely and there were a few spelling mistakes in there that i noticed but otherwise great. hope you put more up.
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Offline Self-sain

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Re: The Unspoken Truth
« Reply #3 on: January 19, 2011, 10:10:07 PM »
Wow, I didn't think this thing would of ever of gotten a comment, I totally forgot about this. I actually changed a lot of it since I posted this story.
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Offline tangletail

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Re: The Unspoken Truth
« Reply #4 on: January 19, 2011, 10:37:02 PM »
Well now its commented! Because the more you get, the more you have... I suck at GI Joe references...
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