Amateur poet, requesting feedback I desperately need

[Biscuit]

I really want some feed back on a few, it's nothing more than utter failures and I'm well aware, please keep it intelligent


Walls tainted with red over boggy grays
taunt you with remnants of trust
"The beast is fond of you" it teases,
whisking you in on empty promises.
You descend into the changing haze,
each path blends and morphs,
you enter a spinning trance.
Insanity aimlessly tightens its hold.
Paralyzing you, minutes transfigure to weeks.
The hulking foot steps place a timer on escape.
Light fades, killing hope's strength.
The patter becomes faster, struggles become fruitless.
The sword in the stone, the fabled escape from the hellish labyrinth,
becomes nothing more than it started as. A wish.
An echoing torture. So ends the easy phase.
The faded howls become a devastating horror.
The fear shows itself as you hide behind each wall,
trying to shake its inevitable stare.
Until the reality hits. There is no escape.
You shall become another stain upon limestone flooring.
It screams a bloody yell for your reaction in sport.
The bleating splits your drums in a screeching rip.
He spreads his wide jaws, rendering you immobilized,
as he snaps your neck, your blood leaves a shining coat.
The collapsing corpse no longer animated, happy to be free.
The beast, not caring to look back moves onto another victim, which he flays.
The cruelty of this beast, the "grim reaper", "death", "Anubis",
"El Muerte", "Thanatos" are all just names for the same master of the maze.
He has a warm heart, to bring a peaceful rest among the wicked...


that's the only one I don't find that bad out of the 5

[Ares the Ram]

It sounds like it wants to rhyme, but is sporadic in doing so. The "ays/ayz sound in particular. Maybe you could place some of the words to make it rhyme or not, cause it kinda detracts from itself.

Other than that, its good.

[Biscuit]

I feel ya, it does get kinda crummy. I was going for my first larger scale rhyme scheme (fixed)

[CormacCoyotecraft]

I would recommend you experiment with separating the poem into separate stanzas, grouped by subject. For example, lines 1-10 could be a separate stanza about being submerged and trapped.

One thing I strongly recommend is doing some one line stanzas, to put a lot more force behind what you're trying to communicate. For example you could do it with line 15's "so ends the easy phase."

Reading the poem aloud can help with the beat and flow of the poem, especially how these two are affected by the punctuation and line breaks you use.