Jokes!!!!!

[MrRazot]

Brunette, ginger and a blonde die in a car crash.
They go to heaven and are welcomed by god who said
"Here are 100 stairs. On each is a joke and they get funnier the higher you go. You have to read each joke and if you laugh you go straight to hell"
The first to go is the brunette who makes it to the 16th stair before laughing and being banished to hell.
The same goes for the ginger who managed to reach the 42nd stair.
Finally goes the blonde who manages to make it to the 99th step with a straight face before laughing hysterically and failing gods test.
God then asks "you know you only had one more step to go. Was the last joke really that funny?"
"No," the blonde said "I'd only just got the first joke"

[anoni]

Here's one I heard earlier today:

*4 middle age men are meeting each other in an old high school reunion, Guy 1 goes to the bathroom while the other three guys Talk about their sons*
Guy 2: My son has become such a success! He has built a large software company, became really successful and bought his best friend a Ferrari!
Guy 3: Oh? You think that's good? Well my son went into the aviation industry and eventually started his own aviation corporation, he became so rich he bought his best friend a JET!
Guy 4: Oh please; my son went into engineering and became a world renowned civil engineer, he got so rich that he built his best friend a CASTLE!
*Guy 1 comes back from the bathroom and wonders what they were all talking about*
Guy 1: Oh, what are you guys talking about?
Guy 2: We were just talking about how successful our sons are, what does your son do?
Guy 1: Oh well, my son is gay and works at a gay bar as a male stripper,
Guy 2: Hmm, you must feel bad that your son hasn't become a success.
Guy 1: Not really, he's doing really well. In fact recently he got a Ferrari, A plane and a Castle from his three boyfriends!

[Roxy Wolf]

that one was awesome, a little on edge, but awesome

[Luggz]

*knock, knock*
who's there?
*knock, knock*
who's there?!*
*knock, knock*
OPEN THE COFFIN! I DON'T THINK HE'S DEAD!

[Cephalotes]

How well do salmon tolerate being eaten?
They bear it.

[anoni]

A joke I heard today is of the "Intelligent Design Sort"

The chances of an array being in the order that it's in is 1 / n!. Such a small likelihood couldn't of happened by chance, therefore it must of been put there by an intelligent sorter, in an order that is simply too complex for our mortal minds to understand. Therefore by attempting to sort the algorithm with our preconceptions of "ascending" would actually be unsorting it.

[Bayzan]

What's a sharks favorite game.
Swallow the leader! ;D

[Cephalotes]

What do you call a woman who fell off a clff? Eileen Dover!
-Notice: The following joke does not endorse drug use-
What drug do you take during an Earthquake? Crack!

[Bayzan]

What has a head, a tail but no body? A coin!
 

[anoni]

What is brown and sticky?
A stick!

[Bayzan]

What goes up & down but it doesn't move?
Stairs!

[anoni]

What can run but can't walk?
Water!
(Got that one from Dragon Ball)

What gets wetter as it dries?
A towel!
(Got that one from family guy )

[Bayzan]

Why don't nomads have cell phones?
Cause of all the roaming charges!

Definition of Reputation:
Raping a Puta!
(This one was made by my best friend, when our English teacher told us to search for some words in the dictionary xD)

[Puncia]

HAHAHA. Y'know, it' funny... This situation. It reminds me of a joke...
See, there were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... And one night, one night they decide they don't like living in an asylum any more. They decide they're going to escape! So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... Stretching away to freedom.
Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend daredn't make the leap. Y'see... Y'see, he's afraid of falling. So then the first guy has an idea... He says, 'Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!' B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh- says... He says, 'Wh-what do you think I am? CRAZY? You'd turn it off when I was halfway across!'
Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Haa…Fnff oh, do excuse me…Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!

Batman: The Killing Joke

Best joke I have ever heard. It's a beautiful because it symbolises the two of them, Batman and Joker.

The Joker is just using the joke as a vehicle to explain how it feels about their current situation. He even starts out saying, "this situation. It reminds me of a joke." And what is the situation? Batman has just offered the Joker a chance at redemption, just as the inmate has offered a light. And through the inmate saying that he does not trust the other too keep the light on, the Joker has told Batman that he does not trust him.

Actually...

[TylerVector]

My computer once beat me at chess.  However it was no match for me at kick boxing.