Jokes!!!!!

[Luggz]

Whats the most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter?

Spoiler for Hidden:

a ginger with friends

[MrRazot]

I'm going to hell for this

why are gingers not like bricks?

Spoiler for Hidden:

Gingers don't get layed

[Luggz]

what do gingers miss most about parties?

Spoiler for Hidden:

the invitation!

[Luggz]

Anoni is in for a nice surprise when he logs on next. lol


An Irishman, Englishman and a Scotsman are walking through a forest when they see a slide in the middle of a clearing. As they approach it  fairy appears and says;
     "This is a magical slide, whatever you say on the way down you will land in a pile of"
So the Scotsman goes first and shouts "gold" as he slides down and lands in a pile of gold.
The Englisman goes next and says "diamonds" and he lands in a pile of diamonds.
On his way down the Irishman catches his sleeve on a screw and cries "aw shit"

[George]

Oh no!
That doesn't sound good.
But it's funny.

There is an "I" in Chuck Norris, but there is definitely no "team"

[anoni]

SOOOOOOOOO MAAAAAAAAAAANY GIIIIIIIIIIIIIINGER JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKES!

 

Well hey, [apparently] god hates gay people, so whenever someone says that to me I shall point to my hair! MWAHHAHAHA

[Luke White-Heart]

Romeo and Juliet killed themselves because they heard Chuck Norris was in town.

[anoni]

Whoever said energy has to be conserved...

...obviously never heard of chuck norris...

...for chuck norris's round house kick
Can
Never
Be
CONSERVED

...EVER

[Cifero Windtail]

Why is Rick Astley awesome?

Spoiler for Hidden:

Because HE'S not some jerk who insults gingers. 

[anoni]

There was once a rich millionaire, who owned a mansion of state affair,
With a large rectangle water filled pool, alligators roamed cause the owner thought it was cool,
During a dinner party with fancy guests, the millionaire exclaims, quite in jest.
"Anyone who swims from one side to the other, will get all my money and my lovely lover"
There were no people who decided to dive, under the fear they would be eaten alive
So the millionaire states again, this time with power, "You will also get my entire estates tower"
Still, again, there was no one who dived. Still under the fear of being eaten alive.
The millionaire, being confident, shrugs... he states "You will also get all my drugs"
Suddenly there's a massive splash, a guest swims across in a dash
He makes it to the other side, he gets up as he survived
The millionaire was very surprised, he wouldn't believe it with his own eyes
he states "You want all my stuff?" the guest looks at him with a puff
The guest angrily stares around, everyone is silent no one makes a sound
The guest say "no, it's quite cool, I just want to know the moron who pushed me in the pool!"

(This was a joke I heard earlier, I was bored so I turned it into a rhyme )

[JC_Shepherd]

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!"

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

[anoni]

Three husbands died and went to heaven, when they met Saint Peter at the pearly gates, Saint peter said,

"Alright, in heaven, you can get one form of transport, that form of transport is based on how faithful you are to your wife". Then, Saint peter called on the first husband and said, "Eric, you have cheated on your wife 2 times, so you are going to be given a scrappy old Ute", the first husband sighed, but took his gift.

  Then Saint Peter went to the second husband and stated, "Mark, you have only cheated on your wife once, so here is a small Toyota car", the second husband was slightly happy with his gift and took it graciously.

  Then Saint Peter went to the third husband and stated, "Jeff, you have never cheated on your wife, so here is a the best Ferrari" the third husband was filled with glee and took his new car with absolute pleasure.

  A few weeks later the three husbands meet up, but they see the third husband is constantly crying, they other husbands ask, "What's wrong?", and the third husband stated, "My wife died", the two husbands look puzzled, they say, "Well isn't that a good thing? Now you get to see her" and the third husband said, "Yeah it was all fine and great, until I noticed she was using a skateboard"

[Khelan]

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped on a chewing gum, he got stuck in orbit!

[anoni]

Schrodinger's cat walked into a bar

...and didn't

[Roxy Wolf]

someday long ago, but somehow in the future