Jokes!!!!!

[Roxy Wolf]

I can't believe this isn't already here!!!!!! okay... everyone can post Jokes here! and I hope everyone laugh really hard when they reads this topic!!


I will start with this joke:


My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said: "at the end of this ruler is an idiot!!" I got detention after I asked him Which end he was referring to...


and continue with this one (Christians may only read this one, if they don't mind jokes involving god):


Guy: God, how long is a million years to you? God: A minute. Guy: How much is a million dollars to you? God: A penny. Guy: Can I have a penny? God: In a minute.


your turns!!

[Timmy Fox]

My teacher pointed at me with his ruler and said: "at the end of this ruler is an idiot!!" I got detention after I asked him Which end he was referring to...

HAHAHAHAHA
---
"Knock knock"
"Who's there?"
"Boo"
"Boo who?"
"Stop crying!"

[Roxy Wolf]

  the legendary "knock knock" jokes they never stop being funny!


a brown haired girl was walking on a railroad to one of the sides, saying "19, 19, 19" over and over again, then a blond girl goes over to her and says "that look fun, can I join you? "sure you can", is the answer she gets. after they have walked for a minute or so, the brown haired says "it's much more fun if you say it on the middle of the road!" as the blond girls runs to the middle of the road she says "I will try that!" then a truck drives the blond down, and the blond haired starts again "20, 20, 20" 

[Cifero Windtail]

So the pope walks out of a bar...
 
No really! It CAN happen!

[JC_Shepherd]

Joke 1
By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained." I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

             Joke From      http://www.joomlaspan.com/fun/jokes/5532/How_to_Get_A_Good_Night_Sleep.html

[Cifero Windtail]

Oh, here's a good one...
 
Seth McFarlane. 

[Roxy Wolf]

Joke 1
By the time Dave pulled into the small town every hotel room was taken. He finally pulled up to the very last hotel and went into the office. "You've got to have a room somewhere" he pleaded." -- Or just a bed - I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant," admitted the manager," and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired travelers assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning Dave came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time" said Dave. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," Dave explained." I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."

             Joke From      http://www.joomlaspan.com/fun/jokes/5532/How_to_Get_A_Good_Night_Sleep.html

awesome!!





A mother passing by her daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up prominently on the center of the bed. It was addressed, "Mom." With the worst premonition, she opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:


Dear Mom: It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new boyfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with Dad and you. I've been finding real passion with Ahmed and he is so nice-even with all his piercings, tattoos, beard, and his motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy. He already owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. He wants to have many more children with me and that's now one of my dreams too. Ahmed taught me that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and trading it with his friends for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Ahmed can get better; he sure deserves it!! Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grand children.


Your daughter, Judith


PS: Mom, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my report card that's in my desk center drawer. I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home.




taken from: http://www.sillylikes.com/view/3761

[Cifero Windtail]

^   good one.
 
Okay, so a massive forest fire breaks out near a local barn, and they call in the city fire department, but no matter how hard they try, they can't put it out. It seems that all is lost when suddenly, the Volunteer Fire Department firefighters come rushing down the hill in their dilapidated old fire truck, rush right into the blaze, and put the fire out all by themselves. The farmer is so happy that his farm was saved that he gives the VFD a thousand dollars.
The VFD is later interviewed by a reporter from the local news network in regards to their brave actions.
"So chief," asked the reporter, "what's the first thing that you guys are gonna do with your thousand dollars?"
"Well, isn't it obvious?" the fire chief said. "We're gonna get those brakes fixed!" 

[Sly_the_Skunk]

What's green and has wheels?
 Grass I lied about the wheels.


lol i didn't make this up but i found it funny :p

[Luggz]

When I first saw this topic I thought great I know loads of jokes, but when I thought about it most of them are either not forum appropriate or rely on accents which not everyone will get. So I present to you this...

A man walks into the Army Navy shop and asks the assistant "Do you have any camouflage trousers?"
"Yes hundreds" replies the assistant "But I can't find them"

 

[Roxy Wolf]

When I first saw this topic I thought great I know loads of jokes, but when I thought about it most of them are either not forum appropriate or rely on accents which not everyone will get. So I present to you this...

A man walks into the Army Navy shop and asks the assistant "Do you have any camouflage trousers?"
"Yes hundreds" replies the assistant "But I can't find them"

 

epick one!!! and it's  bether to post jokes and camouflage a bitt...

[Edwolf]

And here are a couple of yuletide jokes for you all!:


Santa: Doctor, I've got a mince pie stuck up my arse.
Doctor: Alright, Mr. Claus, just bend over and let's have a look. Ah, yes, I do believe you have a mince pie stuck up there. I would recommend putting some cream on that.


Elf: Santa, I'm depressed.
Santa: Where's your 'elf-esteem?

[Luggz]

I'm a dyslexic agnostic insomniac- I lie awake all night wondering if there is a dog.

[CrazyCat]

Okay, so this guy walks into a bar and he gets a concussion.


http://instantrimshot.com/

[Edwolf]

Here are some more yuletide jokes:


What's a Fjord? - A Norwegian car.


What do you get if you cross a fox with a reindeer? - Vixen.


What do you get if you cross a turkey with an octopus? - Everybody gets a leg at Christmas.


Which of Santa's reindeer is the least polite? - Rudolph.