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Author Topic: Write a Paragraph, push the story  (Read 13060 times)

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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #105 on: March 29, 2012, 05:08:14 PM »
"He was Alpha. He fought well," Zat's response was more of a growl than a sentence. "One day it will be my honor to kill him." Yekaterina's face hardened with concern, but Zat ignored it. It was quiet again, this time nobody moved. "Zat, how did you get out of the military? It was always your love." Zat clenched his fists, tearing furrows into the table. He stood quite slowly, towering over the rest of them. "Once a man learned he could control others. A man who realised that he needed demons; demons he must create. He picked his candidates and pushed them and beat them. And then he imprisoned them. He tore everything from them, even their past. Wanted an army, needed commanders. Needed slaves to drive slaves. Some refused, they were killed. And one day a man decided to free a slave, to run his own machinations. I hold no love for this man, but we share a common goal. Not the freeing of slaves, but the removal of an abomination."
 
With that Zat left the small house in a manner resembling calm. Otebon could see the door flex after it was closed, as if something large were leaning against it and for the first time Yekaterina looked truly defeated. Not suprised and enraged as when they had arrived, but truly defeated. She was looking at the furrows in her table as if they held some answer or solace. The scent of tobacco began to fill the house, and there was silence.
 
Hmm, I tried to put some story into Zat and bring back his rather ambiguous qualities of... Well, I wouldn't call it poetic. Anyhow for the sake of continuity I decided to tell it like a story in itself :P Felt it brought the "souls" bit back quite nicely. Anywho I felt he was just too two-dimensional really. Had no motivation  :| And dinner with Yekaterina seems like the best opportunity to have him open up  ^_^
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #106 on: March 30, 2012, 06:07:43 AM »
I agree and a very interesting story... Zat once again becomes very interesting.

Silence... Marcus was all too happy to break by opening his mouth and saying, "So anyone care to explain what just happened?"

Yekatarina glared at Marcus. She said nothing, but studied his face and his bearing. A look of realization came over her for just a second before a cold humor settled over her face. "You know," she said as she took a bite of the meal. "You look an awful lot like Jeremy. No wonder Zat wants to pound your face in." She returned to her meal as though nothing had happened.
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #107 on: March 30, 2012, 06:02:08 PM »
It was not long before Yekaterina silently left them and closed herself in the bedroom, but it was far longer before any words were spoken. But eventually Otebon felt the need to discuss events "Marcus, I think we're transporting the most deranged cargo of all time." The comedic effect was wasted as Marcus just grunted dully. "Of course the cargo may be carrying us if this continues. This whole situation seems a tad rediculous: and now that we're taking on more people I don't know if our supplies can keep us until we reach Mark's outpost." He trailed off, Marcus did not seem to be listening. Suddenly Otebon remembered that he hadn't slept in amost thirty hours, and a wave of exhaustion covered him as he considered the distances left to be traveled. "Time to sleep then." For a moment, he could believe that Marcus already was.
 
Oh that was terible. I kept switching styles -_-' I'm not the best writer on that note of continuity :P Buuttt perhaps it can be editted at a later date. As I'm sure you understand this week in particular is rather busy to spend so much time on a paragraph.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #108 on: March 31, 2012, 02:57:37 AM »
Well then... how 'bout this?

Otebon laughed as he saw Marcus' dull and fatigued expression. "Looks like you're already well on your way to the realm of dreams." Otebon grabbed Marcus' bowl as well as his own as he stood. "Go hit the sack. We've got a long way to go tomorrow and I don't imagine that Zat is going to be all that pleasant when it really hits him that Madame Yekatarina will be travelling with us." Marcus stood and went over to his satchel, wordlessly acquiescing to Otebon's suggestion of sleep, as Otebon placed to bowls next to the fireplace to be cleaned in the morning. He took his own little corner and curled up, very dog-like, and muttered to himself as he drifted off. "Not that I think anything short of death would stop her from coming... what a strong will."

NEW CHAPTER

"Wake up Omega!" Zat's harsh whisper cut through the early morning and woke Otebon with the tone of the whisper and Marcus with a kick to the gut. "Good morning Runts! It's 0400 in the morning. Daylight's in three hours and we need to be long gone by then. Get your gear together and start walking." With that, Zat turned and left the hovel.
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #109 on: April 01, 2012, 09:18:27 PM »
Outside was an old Maverick, not what Otebon had expected to find. "This is what you decided to buy?" Otebon's indignant tone obviously irritated Zat, but he still spoke in hushed tones "Bought is such a subjective term. It was the only vehicle that could hold us and our gear." Otebon wearily agreed: this was the second time Zat had woken them at an unholy hour and he was truly tired. "Fine, but where is miss Ye-" Zat cut him off with a sharp hiss. "Get in the vehicle. Be quiet." So we're leaving in the night. How appropriate. He understood that Yekaterina would only be a liability, but he did not approve of the methods Zat was using.
 
Nevertheless moments later they were all in the car, Marcus wearily falling back to sleep in the rear seat. Zat was hovering over the wheel, obviously preparing to pull out as quickly as possible. His muscles flexed and a the familiar spluttering of an engine filled their ears. And they were off, driving deliberately through the quiet village in an attempt to avoid waking the inhbitants. They reached the perimiter; a small, rough road heading up to the freshly formed mountains. Zat sped off, leaving Alma Mort far behind them. In the dark, Otebon could see a lone light closing the gap between them.
 
Strong wll indeed!  ^_^  Betrayal and female motorists. Add some firepower and we have a cheap action flick!
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #110 on: April 01, 2012, 09:28:48 PM »
Otebon, twisted in the passenger's seat, stared back into the darkness and watched the light as it approached and couldn't help himself as he smiled. The light obviously came from some sort of motor vehicle for it bumped and jumped in rhythm to the dirt road and swayed to avoid the large rocks and potholes that lay along the route. The single light gave rise to the suspicion that it was a motorcycle that was pursuing them. Sitting back into his seat, Otebon's smile widened. Although he questioned Zat's method of procuring a vehicle for them to use to reach their next objective (God... I'm talking like I'm back with The Company... Objective this. Mark that. Medic! Get over here!) he had no doubts that Yekatarina probably had a bike that she would be more than able to use to ensure that Zat didn't leave her behind.

Otebon leaned over to tell Zat about their "shadow" and saw Zat's eyes glued to the rear-view mirror. It was obvious that he'd already seen and had guessed at the identity of the motorist. When he noticed Otebon looking, he turned to him. "You say one damn word and I'll whoop you so hard you won't be able to walk." Otebon just smiled.
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Offline Daemon

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #111 on: April 02, 2012, 09:06:02 AM »
"Medic! Get over here!" Made me think of TF2.

After a moment, Otebon's ears twitched, as he heard the sound of the motorcycle. It was  a low hum, Otebon assumed it was a Yamaha - small, light, and fast. Zat growled. "Dammit, Katy. Why couldn't you just stay behind? It would have been easier." Otebon shook his head, fearing that a internal conflict was already brewing without it's cause even being there. For now at least.


Marcus, looked behind him, ears only just hearing the sound of the Yamaha. "Where did she find such a nice bike in that sh-- hole?" He said. Zat just looked at him, then turned away. With the sound of an extremely large and mechanical hummingbird, Yekaterina caught up to them. She flicked up her visor, and with a smile, said "Oh, Zat. I thought I was too precious to you." Her face flicked to a frown. "You won't leave me behind again." And so the leash is pulled in, one on a starving wolf ready to maim anything that gets too close.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #112 on: April 02, 2012, 02:51:59 PM »
How about a little bit of time lapse? This story arc, although picking up in recent posts, is stagnating a bit as Zat is going up and down emotionally. Although I love the character development (Gotta love Zat and Yekatarina :D), we seem to be having trouble keeping he thoughts going between posts…

Zat glared over at Yekatarina. She was too far away and her motorcycle too loud to hear, but Otebon could feel Zat growling. The Wolf was suddenly very aware at how much Zat felt that he was the Alpha and how much he was beginning to see Yekatarina as a disobedient pup. Zat’s eyes returned to the road and his hands tightened on the wheel as they drove for hours. Yekatarina fell in behind them without making another emotional jab at Zat and followed them as they came upon ill-used back-roads and even an interstate. Within the span of a handful of hours Zat had to pull over in some small, farming town to get gas for the car. He jumped out of the car quickly and began to fill the car as Yekatarina did the same to her Yamaha. As he waited for the tank to fill he walked over to Yekatarina.

“Good morning Zat,” Yekatarina began as Zat approached. It was obvious that she was estatic to get out of her tiny little village of a “home” and be out in the world once more. That excitement disappeared as Zat grabbed her by the arm and kept walking, giving them a discreet distance between the couple and any curious ears.

Have fun with that. As we’ve established that Zat is upset with Yekatarina coming along, I think now would be a good time for the “Alpha” to have a discussion with the “Alpha Female”, as it were.
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #113 on: April 02, 2012, 05:53:03 PM »
A Yamaha- interesting. I was gong for the Minsk which, as you may or may not know, is a motorcycle that she supposedly already owned .-.
 
"You weren't leaving me behind again! Look where it got you last time; you can't survive without me." This just infuriated Zat further, which satisfied her nicely. Zat's neck spasmed and he rashly began to reply "How-" but again, she cut him off "Besides, you came back, and I doubt you meant to. You see, it's fate. This just saves time!" Zat stepped off in frustration, clawing at the air in a rough motion of strangeling something. This was, of course, her plan. Dissalowing him to express his anger was the only way to prevent it from growing; luckily she could still control him well enough that he didn't ignore or interupt her.
 
He turned back to her and inhaled deeply. Then, very calmy, he began to speak again "Katya. There is no place for you where we are going. This is not an option- it is suicide." She contemplated this for a moment before answering "That is still my decision to make. So, where are you going?" Zat stared back at Otebon and Marcus, who had taken up the responsibility of refilling the two vehicles. He sighed and looked into her eyes "To heed the call of genocide."
 
Well, you can't have an argument in two paragraphs and I felt like these were already sloppily constructed anyway :/ So, it's up to whoever's next!
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #114 on: April 03, 2012, 12:11:29 AM »
As for the choice of motorcycle... I honestly thought it was the Minsk too... until Daemon said otherwise. I went with his decision for prevalence. But why do you say "sloppily constructed"? What's wrong?

I do agree that keeping one, coherent story going between three authors that are only allowed to write 2 paragraphs with little or no pre-planning (This is basically an RP thread with no defined characters or GM) is difficult, but how would you fix the "sloppiness"?


Yekatarina hung her head and shook it slowly side to side. "You know Zat," she said with irritation. "When you get something in your mind, you get real poetic. When I first met you, it was cute. Last time I heard you say something like 'heeding the call of genocide' you went on a cold rampage and killed a lot of people to get to out of that lab." She laid a hand on his shoulder. "That being said, your mind is something that I've always loved about you and I'm not going to let you waste it on a suicidal charge with a battle cry on your lips. If you have to go through with this, then I'll be right there to drag you off the field and tend to your wounds." Zat opened his mouth. But Yekatarina wasn't quite done yet. "No, I'll be broking no arguments about it. I'm coming and that's that. You came to me, whether you meant to or not. You found me. Now I'm exacting my price. You are taking me with you and we will do this thing together."

Yekatarina walked right past the stunned Zat and moved to her bike, which had just finished being filled. "Thank you boys," she said as she kicked it into gear. "Well, you coming or what?"
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Offline Daemon

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #115 on: April 03, 2012, 01:55:05 AM »
As for the choice of motorcycle... I honestly thought it was the Minsk too... until Daemon said otherwise. I went with his decision for prevalence. But why do you say "sloppily constructed"? What's wrong?

I do agree that keeping one, coherent story going between three authors that are only allowed to write 2 paragraphs with little or no pre-planning (This is basically an RP thread with no defined characters or GM) is difficult, but how would you fix the "sloppiness"?



Let the sloppiness be! Also, only made it a Yamaha because I thought we had taken the minsk and that she had needed a way to travel, so just threw in the first vehicle that came to mind.

You guys are overthinking this. It's supposed to just be a writing exercise type thing, to make sure you never rust/ in order to get more skill.Just let the story SLIDE.

And I am sorry about the way this is, but I had originally thought there would be more people interested in this type of thing.
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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #116 on: April 03, 2012, 02:05:33 AM »
:o

Wow... reread what I'd written and I sound angry... Sorry. Didn't mean that! I was in a logical mood and I forgot to factor in emotion. What I meant to ask was...

What do you mean by "sloppiness" and how do you suggest that it is fixed in later posts?

(I'm still in a logical mood aren't I?  :$ Uh... well then... just don't read into emotion for this post. Just kinda... answer the question without thinking about tone?
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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #117 on: April 03, 2012, 05:39:44 PM »
The original point of sloppiness was actually a complaint about my own writing style, specifically in those paragraphs, which I found sloppy .-. I appear to have started something unnecesarily -_- I kept the mention of the minsk and sloppiness in two seperate editorial notes for the express purpose of differentiating them! D: And Otebon never apologise for the way you think. It's unnerving. Anyway, how about we return to our little story, eh?
 
Soon they were all back in the Maverick, now driving quite quickly. "So," Otebon paused before continuing, making sure that both Zat and Marcus were listening "The plan so far is to move to the outpost, where we will lose our current transport. Then we will be going through a network of valleys and caves to reach the far end of the mountains in relative safety. Then we will find new transport to take us to Cheyenne at which we will feign a prisoner escort to gain enterance. At which point we will have access to some form of uplink that will allow us to inevitably take over the base and then the rest of the area. In all of this, where does Yekaterina fall?"
 
"That is yet to be decided. Perhaps she shall also feign bonds- another capable fighter would be beneficial in our endeavor to retake the Cheyenne uplink terminal." Zat spoke gruffly but it was obvious that he was not entirely sure of the plan. "Perhaps she could wait outside? Surely there will not be much fighting if we can pull this off quietly." It was Marcus who spoke, and at this Zat laughed deeply "Oh there shall be much fighting. We will have to kill the guards, a few of the drones and the current tool on the throne. But rest assured, they will bleed. They will all bleed..."
 
So, that leaves a nice response open to whoever is next.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #118 on: April 20, 2012, 09:41:37 PM »
Otebon cocked an eyebrow at the "they will all bleed" comment. He know knew why Mark had picked this guy for the job to go into Cheyenne and wreck havoc. Zat was proving himself to be the kind of fighter that was the most dangerous in this kind of suicidal / offensive mission: one with a grudge to settle. He wasn't quite sure why (although he had his suspicions, especially when he considered Jeremy and Zat's reaction to his name last night), but this was personal to Zat and he was going to see it through. Victory or Death. There were no other options for the Half-Breed.

"They will all bleed?" Marcus said with a sneer. Otebon immediately grimaced back at him, trying to get him to shut up, but the human didn't get the message. "What is up with you? Why are you wrapping yourself in all this bullshit poetics? What, do you know who's sitting on this 'throne' and why the will bleed? What's your problem man?"
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #119 on: April 20, 2012, 09:52:06 PM »
Zat replied calmly "Do you know of the Spetsnaz training regimen? I went through it once. In order to toughen us, we wen't through sessions of torture. Many men could not last through this, but I was practical and focused not on the pain or fear, but on the methods they used. It was my first taste of torment- something I have worked on long since." He paused, and marcus titlted his head, obviously confused "What does that have to do with anything?"
"In those sessions I learned how to inflict pain. Now I am an abomination, I was stripped of everything. I remember the pain, and I remember how to inflict it. Whoever is on the throne is in a state not disimilar to a waking coma- that can feel, they can see, but they cannot react. The man on the throne at Cheyenne is the leader of our program, the prodigy. He inflicted pain on us and we were not permitted to react; we are going to cheyenne to stop an atrocity, I am going so that I may teach him agony."
 
Response is yours, I've got to go though, I'll be back on noon-ish tomorrow, or failing that, sunday.s
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