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Author Topic: Write a Paragraph, push the story  (Read 13240 times)

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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #120 on: April 21, 2012, 06:35:44 AM »
Marcus' face twisted in grumpy anger. The trip had not been good for him so far. "You are going to teach him agony," he said with a sarcastic tone. "You are going to teach him agony... What in the name of the Almighty-"

"I think what my companion was about to say," Otebon said to forestall Marcus from putting his foot farther into his mouth than he already had. Otebon could see Zat's hands tightening on the wheel. He wasn't sure if the anger was directed against Marcus or if it was directed against what Zat predicted they'd see at Cheyenne, but the warning signs were obvious. "Is that he doesn't quite understand your feelings towards all of this. However, I think I may have a few suspicions. Zat, are we going to find Jeremy at Cheyenne?"

Sorry... I love dialogue and I can't go very far in two paragraphs...
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #121 on: April 22, 2012, 09:17:17 PM »
"A man once known as Jeremy perhaps. Now a further abomination. For you see this is not the first usage of corpse-drones in combat; he has seen war before. European action ten years ago, he was the prototype and the template for the program we underwent. He experienced the shock that war has on a man thousands of times over. Became a beast."
"Well then shouldn't we send a psychiatrist in, not you?" Otebon could not stop Marcus from speaking his mind. This time Zat did not respond, but the tension in his demeanor grew with each passing second. The miles began to pass more quickly thna before, Yekaterina was passed and obviously began to struggle to keep up with the car. But Zat did not react, and none dared to speak as the mountains loomed ahead.
 
Well there's something at least ._.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #122 on: April 23, 2012, 12:03:12 AM »
The rest of the ride passed in silence. Otebon was able to keep Marcus quiet and Zat wasn't much for conversation after all that. The time passed by as the mountains loomed higher and higher around them. Yekatarina was able to catch up to them once the car had to begin navigating the switch-back trails common to the upper slopes as they climbed up these bones of the world. Suddenly, as they passed over a rise and began to head into a small valley, the small group found themselves in the middle of a sprawling compound. To Marcus, it looked as though it were a refugee colony, based on its organization. Tents were lined up haphazardly and put in clusters to mirror the terrain they covered. But the military influence could not be denied, command posts and camo netting were present in large amounts. It was obvious that these people were hiding, but from whom?

Zat drove into the center of the camp without being hindered in any way, shape, or form beyond some hard stares and a small road block. As Zat's car and Yekatarina came to a halt in front of a large forest-camo tent, a massive Bear came barreling out of the flaps of the tent. "Welcome Comrades" he yelled with arms thrown wide. "Good morning friends! It is a pleasure to see you on such a fine day. It has been too long Master Mikhailov! Far too long! I wasn't expecting you for another seven hours." The Bear came forward and embraced the Half-Breed with his massive arms. "Please introduce me to your friends! If we are to fight the Tyrants together, we must all be good friends, no?" With style and flair befitting such an entrance, he bowed low to the three. "Welcome to Camp Thermopylae. I am Mstislav Popov. But please call me Pop as I understand my name may be hard to say. Who may you be?"
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #123 on: April 23, 2012, 06:53:37 PM »
Now I really want to bust out into russian but I HATE phonetic russian and, frankly, I think cyrillic would appear a bit choppy here. Ah well, I suppose I'll just keep it in english. No- I'll have to pop in a bit xD But obviously Zat and Mstislav know eachother... I have an idea...
 
Zat and Mstislav walked into the tent, leaving marcus and Otebon to follow slightly akwardly behind. Inside, the two comrades were already talking. "Zhir medvedeva,  how are you? It had been a long time since we shared a bottle together." Mstislav laughed heartily, a boming deep laugh befitting his stature "Yes, chicago, no? Tiny pup, you've been involved in some extraordinary events." It was Zat's turn to laugh this time "It seems that happens often to me. But what of you? For one so large you certainly stay off the radar well!"
"And for one so dim you certainly ask uncomfortble questions! I've been processing some spoils, commanding reconnaisance units,  nothing glorious." Zat nodded slightly, and then gestured to Otebon "Otebon, Marcus, we rest here- but where pray tell is Yekaterina?" Otebon was utterly bewildered by the question, but not so mush as Popov "I haven't the slightest idea, actually." but the response was wasted because Zat was now looking, amused, at Mstislav's shocked expression "Zat, the woman outside, she was Yekaterina- the Yekaterina, your Katherine?"
 
I have nowhere to continue without making a new paragraph .-. Oh and just as clarification Zat called Mstislav a... How do I put this... Let's say large woman bear :P
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #124 on: April 23, 2012, 09:16:27 PM »
Please forgive the little one-liner paragraphs. I love dialogue TOO MUCH!!!

Zat nodded with only a little mirth. "Yes..."

Suddenly a yell was heard outside. Mstislav led the group out of the tent in his haste to see what was happening. When the flaps were thrown back and their eyes readjusted to the bright sunlight outside, Mstislav began to laugh that deep booming laugh of his again. In the middle of two a Badger, an Otter, and a Rat (who was on the ground cradling what looked like a broken wrist), Yekatarina stood there dusting off her hands.

"Now," she was saying to the Rat, but glancing to her sides at the Badger and Otter. "I hope you learned your lesson. No means no." She looked up at Zat with a displeased expression on her face. "You left me alone and this one decided to touch what didn't belong to him." She looked over at the Bear. "Uncle Pop, how are you?"

It it matters, I'd like to have a backstory piece that has Zat, Yekatarina, and Mstislav be old partners in some type of work. Spetsnaz was mentioned earlier and that's fine. The "Uncle Pop" comment does not have to mean that they are literal family (the genetics of a Furry world are terrifying enough to consider... with 100+ dominant species running around with the possibility of cross-mating a real issue). Instead, if you wish it to be, it can be a term of endearment.
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #125 on: April 24, 2012, 08:10:13 PM »
Originally I had planned for Yekaterina to be unrelated before the program (which stll doesn't have a name) but it's fine! Now my paragraph looks a little odd but that's alright :P Also this may need editting as well as it suggests he does not know Yekaterna "It has been too long Master Mikhailov! Far too long! I wasn't expecting you for another seven hours." [Hug] "Please introduce me to your friends! If we are to fight the Tyrants together, we must all be good friends, no?" With style and flair befitting such an entrance, he bowed low to the three. [introductions] Who may you be?"" Or maybe I'm just confused :P
 
"Samooborona bez oruzhiya," Zat began, cutting through Popov's laugh "As a concept invaluable, as a technique effective. I would have thought you had forgotten" Yekaterina looked insulted "I lived in a camp full of starving refugees, such things are essential." At this Popov had finally regained enough control to respond "My girl, you are quite the firebrand! Excuse my men, they listen to me but outside of that, they are little more than armed civilians, lacking in control." He shooed the three men away with one large bat of his thick paw as he said this, and in response they scattered.
 
"Now, come in, come in! I think it time for us to have a talk as comrades." Inside the mood had changed somewhat as the bear and half-breeds sat around a large warped plastic table. Mstislav offered a bottle of cheap vodka to them all- Otebon thought it wise to decline, but the Russians accepted to bottle greedily, pouring themselves shots of the clear fluid, filled with odd specks of dirt. Zat peered into his small glass, and then nodded towards Marcus "Human, come. Take in the bottle so that we may speak of our goals as men." And he looked toward Otebon with a slightly bemused expression "And if you refuse to drink, at least have the good humor to sit with us."
 
Thank god for google xD No way I could have gotten that down spelled in "Official" russian phonetic which seems to exist only in the minds of online translators. Would have looked.. Odd indeed... Anyway! It's up to you now. If you haven't noticed I have gradually been showing some signs of accepance towards Marcus via Zat- at least in the company of Pop.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #126 on: April 24, 2012, 10:13:30 PM »
(facepalm)... you are right... let me fix it here...

Otebon fixed Zat with a smile. "Just waiting to see what places will be left and allowing those of honor to rest first." The words may be old and from a culture a few thousand years dead, but they were slightly correct. Otebon took the last seat available as Marcus sat and had a glass poured for him. And with that, introductions were soon made. Mstislav was the perfect host, instantly memorizing the names of each of his guests and asking polite questions about them (such as noting that Marcus' accent revealed he was from the northern states, to which he acknowledged) but when he held Yekatarina's hand in his he asked no questions.

"My dear," he said with a soft light in his eyes. "It's been far too long. Forgive this old Bear his eyesight. I didn't recognize you when you drove up on that motorcycle. You've changed so much since I last saw you." He took in the rest of the table. "Though I see you haven't changed the caliber of your company much. Now tell me about the insanity that made you accept Mark's proposal! I've heard only bits and scraps (you know how that damn Human is with information don't you) and I yearn for a good story. He told me that I need to give you one of my most recently 'repurposed' Humvees, supplies for a three day trip, and some military equipment. So let's make a deal. I'll give you the hospitality of my roof and all the vodka you can drink for your scheduled rest time here and you spin me a yarn. As our American friends would speak 'Whatcha' say?"

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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #127 on: April 24, 2012, 11:01:58 PM »
"The plan is for you to provide a vehicle to get us through the pass without alerting the attention of the sentries. But as for how we got here..." Zat looked around "Remember Keiv?" Mstislav nodded solemly "Yes, but surely-" Zat shook his head before continuing "No, the goal is not the same. But the series of events around Yuri; how we removed him from his cell and used him to paint that rebel on the walls... Not disimilar to our current situation."
Mstislav stared at Zat for a moment, lost in memories "That was a lifetime ago Zat... So who is your Yuri?" The halfbreed grinned devilishly "Didn't you hear? My name is Yuri."
 
Grah, I would go further but I shall be constrained and refrained from making a new paragraph.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #128 on: April 25, 2012, 12:00:24 AM »
You know what? I'm interested in where you are going with this and I don't want to screw it up. You've bowed to my wishes often enough...

I, Otebon Albrecht, forfeit my next two paragraphs in favor of Aoren Deringer so that he may continue.

Please finish your thoughts!
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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #129 on: April 25, 2012, 05:38:32 PM »
Alright! I can dig it. Hope I don't blow this; the pressure is on...
 
"I am the one, our agent. Old friend this isn't a strike, it is an endgame." Mstislav looked at them all, methodically switching from face to face. The great bear sighed deeply "Zat, this is too ambitious, too much! You are not a young man, and you have never controlled so many, infiltrated so deep..." Zat lifted his chin slowly 'Mstislav-" The bear shook his head violently "No, I am sorry Zat but I cannot accept that. We can win this another way, as wars have been won before! I won't abide by such horrors. Won't abide by their us by us, the good guys!"
 
Zat tilted his head in response, followed by his whole body going taut "I will not pretend to control your morality my friend. But if you oppose me... I will be forced to raze this camp of yours." The threat rang out and there was silence. Nobody moved for quite some time. Eventually Mstislav lowered his head sadly "You've changed." The only response was a slight nod "There was a tme when we would have died together. Died for the right to breath our own air, keep our own company and abide our own morality."
 
Zat inhaled deeply "The methods change."
 
"But the price does not."
 
How was that? Sorry for the two extra lines :/ Didn't feel it right to leave it at that, and I couldn't bear to add those to one giant block.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #130 on: April 25, 2012, 06:59:14 PM »
I asked you to finish your thoughts. Why would I be upset that you did as I asked and in so fantastic a manner?

And don't worry about the two extra lines. Again, I asked you to finish your thoughts. What's two extra paragraphs of dialogue when that's exactly what I desired?


Otebon was strangely comforted by Mstislav's words. He remembered that, not too long ago, he had made a similar argument. He only saw a single outcome from this entire situation. When such a weapon is created, the only outcome was death. This technology, this control over the wills of others, could only result in a new era of killing. He kept silent, however (as did Marcus, for once), instead it was Yekatarina that spoke.

"But Uncle," she said softly. "If the price to stop this horror isn't paid, only worse terrors will be unleashed upon the world. Think beyond the here and now. Imagine the network when it's been perfected. Imagine the fear that will run rampant as no one knows who controls those around them. Imagine the suspicion created. Imagine the cost of a war where soldiers are no longer volunteers, but automatons controlled from a mechanical throne." Yekatarina glanced over at Zat. "His method may be severe and bloody, but it is the most honorable path available to us. We must wash our hands in blood so that others don't have to."
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #131 on: April 25, 2012, 07:36:19 PM »
"Then let me ask you this, if you obtain this weapon, if you can use it. If you can win this war you are fuelling; what will you do with it then? Where will you go and what will you do?" Zat swallowed the last of his vodka before responding "Then I at least shall do as all soldiers and weapons do; fade to black in the ink of history, a story within the lines of a footnote hidden behind a lie." Popov chewed air in contemplation and then looked at the others "And all of you? What shall you do?" It suddenly struck Otebon that he hadn't thought of it.
"I would like to return to my home in peace." It was Marcus's turn next, and he let out a small laugh hinting at slight intoxication "There's a spot down in Rosarito, down in Mexico. If I make it out of this I am going on vacation." Next came Yekaterina, who just shook her head in indecision "I haven't considered it." She admitted with a slight hint of a blush, the most feminine behavior she had exhibited since Otebon had met her.
 
And you're on amicus.
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Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #132 on: April 25, 2012, 11:39:20 PM »
We keep falling back on Otebon to tell our little story don't we?

Otebon stared down at the hands he had carefully folded in his lap. Ever since he'd left The Company, he'd been doing freelance research on the weapons that they were now fighting against. The NSDs had been his focus up until he had been forced to leave his home with little Tammo, Sarah, and Marcus. He didn't have anything to go back to and nothing to look forward to. The house was known now. Even if it hadn't been burned to the ground, he wouldn't give it a week before either the enemies he'd made over his rather short-to-this-point life started dropping by to settle the score or (even worse) The Company started sending recruiters to try and convince him to come back.

He could feel the great Russian Bear's eyes staring at him and he had absolutely nothing to say. Once everything was over, he'd have to leave. He would be forced to... (how did Zat put it?..) fade to black in the ink of history. Go somewhere else, find a new name, a new face, a new home. He would never see little Sarah and Tammo again. Marcus would be in Mexico and it would be stupid of Otebon to follow. Maybe I can go back to Europe? Only about half of the groups there want me dead...

Sorry, I didn't have much to say here that would continue the story. Also in a poor mood, can't write well at the moment.
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Offline Aoren Deringer

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #133 on: April 26, 2012, 06:33:01 PM »
Yes we do! Personally I like using him because there is evidence to suggest that the first information offered in a short story like this is the most memorable, and as Otebon was the first character, I figure he makes the best protagonist, really. Although I don't enjoy using the word protagonist, it doesn't seem to fit just right. Anyway even if this is just an excercise I like to treat things as if they are of dire importance. Helps me focus.
 
"And what of the weapon? What will you do with it?" Otebon glanced at Zat, guaging his reaction before he saide anything. "Destroy it." It was obvious that this was a lie. Mstislav saw through it, too "Zat, do not play me for a fool. What will you do with the weapon?"
"Do you think that this technology can ever be reversed? This is, or rather was, the next Rubicon. Things can never again be the same, and by erasing what was done will only garuntee that it will repeat itself."
 
I really had no idea what to put -_- All of my energy went into the block on top,.
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"Science isn't about being conservative with your cash, it's about spending as much as you can as ridiculously as you can and hoping it doesn't explode."
- Sjin



We fight, we recruit, we are the anthropomorphic army. FDF forever!
-Aoren Rekner Ilon Deringer, F.D.F. Mechanised Unit Commander, Four Stars.


Life is an adventure! Sure, you'll probably spend most of it weeping uncontrollably, and on fire, but hey!

Offline Otebon Albrecht

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Re: Write a Paragraph, push the story
« Reply #134 on: April 26, 2012, 07:59:33 PM »
Who is speaking? Is Otebon saying the top line to which Zat replies with "Destroy it"? Who says the last comment that includes a reference to Rubicon?

Sorry, didn't follow that well.
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